


in all the world you'll never find a love as true as mine

by ginnydear



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Fluff, Future Fic, M/M, Post-Canon, more specific tags/warnings will be at the beginning of each chapter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-06 07:01:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 55,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14636535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ginnydear/pseuds/ginnydear
Summary: bram, simon, and the ways they say 'i love you' through the first twenty years of their lives together.





	1. through a song.

**Author's Note:**

> welcome to the project that i've been working on and talking about for months. this is based off a prompt list i've written from before on tumblr called '[the ways you said i love you'](http://emilyspier.tumblr.com/post/138971524339/the-way-you-said-i-love-you). i wanted to write something about simon and bram and where their lives take them, but didn't really have a direction, until i focused all of that energy on the prompt list and boom. here we are. 
> 
> this fic has no rating and minimal tags for a reason. a lot happens in 20 years. i'll have a chapter rating and any specific tags/warnings at the beginning of each chapter. nothing to give each chapter away, but anything worth noting. if i rated this fic as a whole, it's explicit, but only like two chapters. this will also follow the book in terms of canon, though i've used movie info in here as well. 
> 
> i'm going to keep a posting schedule of two or three times a week. as always, shoutout to [Caitlin](http://ginnyweaslays.tumblr.com) for agreeing to beta for me before this thing spawned. also shoutout to [Valentina](http://bramspiers.tumblr.com/) for helping me polish off my writing skills.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'general' rating. no additional tags.

  1. **Through a song**



Bram’s finishing up the dishes when his phone goes off in his back pocket. He puts the last plate on the drying rack, wipes up the water he’s splashed on the counter, and dries his hands before he pulls his phone out. His mom’s in the other room, on the phone with one of her coworkers, so he slips up the stairs and heads towards his room. 

He smiles when he sees that it’s Simon, replying to a text he’d sent earlier when his mom hadn’t been paying attention over dinner. He knows it’s Simon’s family night, where they all sit around the television and watch bad movies together, so he feels a little warm that Simon’s even texted him, knowing how Emily Spier is about family time. 

_ Simon: i’ve finished the playlist _

Bram smiles at that, sitting down at his computer. He types in his password and opens up his messaging app to follow the Spotify link Simon’s sent him. 

_ Bram: won’t your mom kill you if she knew you’re sending me playlists during family night? _

He doesn’t look at the playlist yet, as he wants to settle before he sinks into it. They’d been sending each other song recs all afternoon, ranging from personal favorites to “this song is a meme, listen.” When he’d gotten home from practice, he had opened up Spotify and made a quick playlist for Simon, of his “you need to know this or we can’t date” songs. Simon had laughed at the playlist title. 

_ Simon: mom and dad are currently very wrapped up in the movie and i have the spotify app on my phone _

He’s ended the text with the kissing emoji, and Bram feels warm as he picks up his laptop and heads to his bed. He sends his mom a quick text that he’s going to be working on homework in the hopes that she won’t bother him as he settles against the pillows. He grabs his headphones off his nightstand and plugs them in, feeling a little anxious. Simon’s gone through his music before, so Bram’s sure his must-listen playlist wasn’t that big of a surprise. But Simon’s music taste sometimes takes Bram by surprise, and he doesn’t know what to expect next. 

_ Bram: sneaky. i like it. i’m about to start, so i’ll live text this _

The playlist is titled “songs for you” and Bram sinks into his pillows as he hits play. 

He tries to not look at the song titles, and instead tilts his head back and stares at the papers tacked up around his desk. The first song is soft guitar strings, and Bram thinks of listening to it in the rain. He can barely focus on the words, because he has a feeling Simon picked this song because of the ambience of the guitar. He’s heard it before, he’s sure, sitting in the front seat of Simon’s car after they hang out. 

_ Bram: we listened to fade into you on the way back from the movies two weeks ago, didn’t we? _

Simon’s response is instant. 

_ Simon: yeah _

The next song is quiet guitars too, and Bram’s briefly beginning to wonder if there will be anything with a faster tempo. But then he recognizes Sufjan Steven’s voice, and he smiles as he looks at the title. He knows this song, knows that it’s important to Simon, because Simon had sent it to him once when they hadn’t seen each other all weekend. He smiles now, humming along as best he can to the words he knows. 

_ Bram: there had to be at least one Sufjan song, right? _

_ Simon: do you know me at all? _

The next song starts and Bram stares at the title and artist for a moment before he’s grinning widely, just before Brendon Urie starts singing. He’s never heard this song (hasn’t heard much of Panic!) but it’s not what he’s come to expect when Simon does play their music. It’s soft, and he holds onto the lyrics as the chorus swells up. 

_ Bram: i’m the light blinking at the end of the road. blink back to let me know _

The song continues, and Bram’s brows come together for a moment. This can’t be Simon’s favorite Panic song. He knows there’s some that Simon plays enough for Bram to remember, and this isn’t one of them. 

_ Simon: *blink* _

Bram smiles at that, and then laughs at himself for the instant reaction he has to every little thing Simon ever does. He watches the little dots pop up for a moment, like Simon’s typing and then they disappear. He’s still staring at the message thread when the song changes, and he moves his eyes to the song title as the electric beat fills his ears. He stares at the title and sinks further into the pillows. 

His mouth opens slightly, like he wants to say something to the empty room, as the lyrics start and he feels something tight in his chest. He’s sure now that this playlist isn’t songs he needs to know but (just like the title says) are for him. As the song hits the chorus, he picks up his phone. 

_ Bram: i don’t know what to say _

_ Simon: which song? _

Bram opens a browser and types in the song title to find the lyrics. 

_ Bram: love you with the lights on _

Bram feels warm around his neck as he reads the lyrics, catching up to where the song is playing in his ears. Simon doesn’t respond, and Bram places his phone face down as he lets the song wash over him. His phone goes off and he picks it up, his hands a little shaky. 

_ Simon: you don’t have to say anything, you know i get it _

Bram finds the kissy face emoji and just sends that in response. 

He’s still thinking about what the song means when it ends, fading out and leaving him a little disorientated. But then the next song starts, and his stomach erupts in butterflies. He would know that melody anywhere, has heard his mother listen to the Elvis version when it comes up on one of her playlists. He recognizes it as the cover from those gum commercials, and he sinks into his pillows.

_ Bram: this isn’t a playlist of songs i need to know, is it? _

Bram’s hands are shaking slightly as he hits send, and Simon’s typing bubble shows up immediately. 

_ Simon: no.  _

Bram takes a deep breath, typing his reply slowly. 

_ Bram: what kind of playlist is it, then? _

_ Simon: exactly what the title says.  _

Bram lets out a choked off laugh, and he feels everything inside of him swell. They haven’t said it in so many words, and Bram’s pretty sure they’re both working up the courage to finally say it to each other, but this. Bram smiles as the song comes to its close, and he presses pause before it changes to the next. This is as close to saying it aloud as they’re going to get at the moment, a subtle confession, even if the song’s the most obvious thing in the world. He thought he was overtly romantic. 

_ Bram: i can’t help it either _

_ Simon: some things are meant to be, i guess _

Bram’s entire body warms and he rests his phone on his chin as he tries to pull himself together. He still has most of the playlist left to listen to, but it feels like he already knows what every other song is going to say to him, and he feels warm, if not a bit overwhelmed. He takes a steadying breath and thinks of Simon, creating this playlist probably long before tonight, piecing it together over the span of their relationship. He sinks into the pillows again, his body melting slightly at the thought that this isn’t something Simon realized tonight, but has known for awhile. Bram’s known too. 

He smiles as he hits play again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter is prompt thirty one on the list.


	2. in awe, the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> on my list of favorite chapters, this one is up there. in my head, it floats as sometime during the spring of their junior year. 
> 
> 'teenage' rating, no additional tags.

  1. **In awe, the first time** ~~ **you realized it**~~



The parking lot of the Waffle House isn’t exactly the most romantic place in the world, but sitting in the backseat of Simon’s car, it’s about as romantic as anywhere else. There is still a bit of syrup on the corner of Simon’s mouth, and Bram’s breath smells like jam, but there’s privacy in the dark pushing in around them, only the faint glow of the sign and the one street lamp.

Simon leans into the front and turns the key back, pulling his phone out of his pocket and plugging it into the radio. Bram reaches up and puts a steadying hand on the small of his back, and he hears Simon let out a soft sigh. Bram uses his hand to gently guide Simon into his lap when he leans back to sit, and Simon chuckles at him.

“Ulterior motives,” Simon mumbles as he moves onto Bram’s lap, bringing his legs around so he’s straddling Bram’s thighs. Bram only gets a moment to chuckle and then Simon’s cupping his face, tilting his head back, and pressing their lips together. Bram brings his hands up to grip Simon’s hips, the bit of soft skin that sticks out over the top of his jeans. Bram spreads his legs a bit, stretching out in the backseat, and Simon slides closer to him at the movement.

“There’s thirty minutes until curfew,” Simon whispers as he moves his lips across Bram’s face, slowly making his way to the soft spot behind Bram’s ear. Bram swallows to hold in the moan that’s threatening to bubble up out of his chest, but then Simon takes his earlobe into his mouth, and Bram sinks into the seats as he moans.

“That’s what I thought,” Simon whispers, and Bram pinches him slightly.

“Come back,” Bram says, reaching up to gently pull at Simon’s hair. Simon straightens out and presses his forehead to Bram’s, their chests heaving between them. They’re pressed as close together as they can be in the backseat of a car, Simon’s hand flat on Bram’s chest while Bram grips Simon’s hips again.

“We always end up right here,” Simon says, his voice soft against Bram’s skin. The music stops as the song changes, and the only sound in the car is their soft breaths across each other’s faces.

“Are you complaining about that?” Bram says as he ducks his head and attaches his lips to Simon’s neck. Simon gasps and brings a hand up to cup the back of Bram’s head, his fingers digging into Bram’s neck muscles. Bram continues his path down Simon’s throat to his shoulders, pushing his shirt aside with his nose to kiss the soft skin there.

“No, I – would never,” Simon chokes out, and Bram almost smiles. He moves one of his hands up and under the back of Simon’s shirt and keeps Simon in place with pressure on the spot between his shoulder blades.

“Good,” Bram whispers, using the hand under Simon’s shirt to ruck the fabric up under his armpits, attaching his mouth to the spot right below Simon’s collarbone. Simon gasps, his head tilted back and his hands gripping Bram, hard.

“Bram,” he whines, a little breathless, as Bram works a bruise into his skin. Simon wasn’t wrong; they always end up right here, in the back of one of their cars, pressed as close as possible. Simon’s hips twitch as Bram bites down on his skin and Bram lets out a choked off noise that has Simon melting against him.

Bram lets go of the skin between his teeth and presses a kiss there before kissing along Simon’s chest. Simon’s still gripping the back of his neck, but he lets Bram move as he wants. The song changes again, and Simon’s mind vaguely registers that he’s in the middle of a heated make out and one of the Kendrick Lamar songs Bram introduced him to is playing. It feels a little too perfect.

Bram’s hands are moving up his sides, and Simon can see them in his mind, the contrast of their skin, the way Bram’s fingers flex as they reach his ribs, the roundness of his knuckles. Simon lets a moan slip past his lips and he feels Bram twitch below him.

“God, you’re so –” Bram cuts himself off, one of his hands reaching up to tip Simon’s head back down, searing their lips together. Simon makes a noise in the back of his throat and he feels Bram’s chest vibrate as he reacts. Simon’s hips move again, stuttering forward against Bram’s, and Bram breaks the kiss as he gasps. The hand holding up Simon’s shirt moves down and grips Simon’s hips for a moment before slipping down to cup Simon’s ass.

“Bram,” Simon gasps, his mind zeroing in on the feeling of Bram’s hands on him. Bram’s lips are on the hollow of his throat, the hand not on his ass is wrapped up around Simon’s back, holding him close, and Simon feels overwhelmed in the best way.

“You’re so beautiful, Simon,” Bram whispers against his skin, and Simon tilts his head back, his mind a fuzzy mess. He grips Bram’s shoulders, trying to find a point outside of Bram that he can focus on, arrange his thoughts into something coherent. Bram’s teeth gently graze his neck and Simon’s entire body shudders.

“Oh my – god,” Simon manages to say before using his grip on Bram’s neck to pull his head back, Bram’s eyes heavy lidded and pupils blown wide. His lips are shiny in the dark, just barely touching, and Simon bends down to kiss them open just a little more. His brain has come back to him enough to have the presence of mind to grind down against Bram’s hips, and the hand on his ass squeezes at the sensation. Bram’s chest vibrates as he groans, low and quiet. Simon barely hears it over the music and his own pounding heart.

Their lips slip apart, and Simon presses his face into Bram’s neck, wrapping his arms around Bram’s shoulders. Bram’s hips move against Simon’s, and they both let out a gasp. Simon’s lips find purchase on Bram’s shoulder and the resulting sigh Bram lets out is music to Simon’s ears.

“Simon,” Bram says softly into the darkness as the song changes, his hand finally moving up from Simon’s ass to his hips, holding him tightly. Bram’s nose moves against the skin exposed on Simon’s shoulder, and then Bram’s pressing featherlight kisses to his skin. With a sigh, Simon pulls his face out of Bram’s neck, Bram following his lead, and they rest their foreheads together, their lips a breath’s width apart.

“I love you.”

The words leave Simon’s mouth before his filter catches them, and his entire body warms as he realizes what he’s just said. Bram’s hand stops moving on his back, and Simon opens his eyes to find Bram staring back at him, mouth parted in shock. But before Simon can say anything, Bram’s letting out a strangled groan.

“You ruined my plan,” he says, and Simon sits back so they can see each other clearly. Bram’s biting his bottom lip now, his eyes focused on Simon’s chest.

“Your… what?” Simon asks, moving a hand off Bram’s shoulders to cup his face. Bram’s cheeks are on fire.

“I had – I had this whole…” Bram trails off, waving a hand in the air. Simon misses the warmth of it on his back, so he presses closer to Bram. He seems to get it, because Bram wraps his arm around Simon’s back again, his hand spanning the space between Simon’s shoulder blades.

“You had a plan?”

“Yes,” Bram groans, letting his head fall back onto the seat. Simon stares at the line of his throat, the skin he’s kissed a thousand times, before he pulls himself together to respond.

“What... What was the plan?” Simon pushes on Bram’s head, so he looks up at him again, and Bram’s biting his lip.

“I was –” Bram swallows, sitting up straight again but keeping his eyes on Simon’s chest. “I was thinking of taking you into Atlanta, and going to a museum. And hopefully, somewhere between exhibits, I’d finally be able to say it aloud.”

Simon’s mouth is hanging open slightly, his body warming again at the idea of Bram planning a date to a museum. Bram planning a date to a museum to tell Simon he loves him. His cheeks warm up and Simon cups Bram’s face gently.

“I’m sorry I ruined your plan,” he says, tilting Bram’s head back so Simon can kiss him softly.

“It’s okay, it was only half-formed.” Bram shrugs, but Simon shakes his head.

“You can still do it, if you want. I’d love to go to a museum with you,” Simon whispers, and Bram’s eyebrows come together.

“Really?”

“Of course, babe. You’d look at the pieces and read the cards to me and pull me along and I’d make jokes about touching the artwork while slipping an arm around your waist. It would be very cheesy and gay,” Simon says, his smile growing, and Bram’s face lights up at everything Simon’s saying. He laughs softly as he bends up to kiss Simon.

“I love you,” Bram says as they break apart, their noses still touching. Simon’s mouth turns up in a smile involuntarily, and then he’s pushing in to kiss Bram again and again, their mouths meeting in short kisses over and over until they both start laughing. Simon feels like he could cry, and Bram’s arms are wrapped around him so tight it should probably hurt.

“I love you,” Simon says it again, because he can and it’s what he’s feeling, and Bram’s smile is all teeth as he looks up at Simon, his gaze the epitome of soft. Simon’s insides are melting slowly.

“And I love you,” Bram replies, and they’re kissing again, the heat from earlier replaced with a happiness that they’re both feeling for the first (but certainly not the last) time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedback is always appreciated! next chapter is number nine on the prompt list! it'll probably go up this weekend


	3. over cookies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'teenage' rating. warnings for homophobic language. lightest bit of angst. fully supportive and loving boyfriends.

  1. **When baking chocolate chip cookies**



Simon’s standing in the kitchen, a floral apron tied around his waist, when his phone pings from across the room. His hands are covered in oil and flour and he’s in the middle of spooning cookies out onto the baking sheet, so he looks over at Nora.

“Nora,” he calls to her, and she looks at him. “Can you do me a favor and tell me who texted me?”

She nods, taking a quick look into the mixer bowl before grabbing Simon’s phone off its charger. She presses the home button and stares at the screen, Simon watching her as her brows come together.

“Oh,” she says, turning on her heel and looking towards the front door. She looks to Simon, and then walks out of the kitchen.

“Hey, what the hell?” Simon yells after her, and he hears the front door unlock. Emily walks into the kitchen, stops, and moves back so she can look down the hallway towards the front door. Simon can’t hear a thing that’s happening, but Emily’s smiling.

“Bram, sweetie, what are you doing here?” Emily says just as Bram walks into view, and Simon’s cheeks pink automatically. Bram accepts the hug Emily pulls him into, dropping his head down a little. There’s something in the sag of his shoulders that has Simon dropping the spoon in his hand and reaching for the paper towels.

“I have some time before I have to be home, and I wanted to see Bieber,” Bram says, grinning at Emily. Simon’s hands are finally clean, and he leans against the counter, looking at where his boyfriend is standing.

“Bieber is outside with Dad, if you want me to go get him,” Nora jokes as she walks back into the kitchen, shooting Simon a pointed look when she sees he isn’t spooning cookies out. He glares right back.

“No, that’s fine,” Bram says, finally looking over at Simon. Simon’s chest aches a little, because Bram’s eyes aren’t warm, and his shoulders are slumped, and Simon knows something is wrong. “Nice apron.”

Simon shakes his head, smoothing his hands down his front, tugging at the end of the apron. Bram’s hair looks a little wet from his shower after practice, and a droplet runs down the side of his head. He reaches up and wipes it away, his eyes never leaving where Simon’s hands are playing with the floral fabric.

“We have another one just like it,” Simon says, jerking his head towards where the other apron is sitting on the counter, and Bram shrugs. He walks over and grabs it, shaking it out before tying it around his waist. Emily’s eyes follow Bram as he moves, and she catches Simon’s eyes before clasping her hands together.

“I’m going to find out how Jack is coming along on the shed,” she says, giving Simon one last pointed look before she disappears down the hallway towards the backdoor. Nora takes the mixer bowl off the stand and places it next to the other bowl filled with cookie dough, then she, too, disappears out of sight.

Bram walks over so he’s standing next to Simon, smiling down at their matching aprons. The smile doesn’t quite meet his eyes, and Simon reaches forward to touch his hand.

“Hi,” he says softly, and Bram looks up at him, his eyes gaining back a bit of that missing warmth.

“Hi,” Bram replies, stepping forward and hesitating, his hand reaching out towards Simon. Forcing himself not to roll his eyes, Simon steps forward until they’re pressed together, Simon’s arms wrapping around Bram’s waist. Bram’s arms come up slowly around Simon’s back, and then his head falls to Simon’s shoulder, his body slumping as he lets out a deep sigh.

Simon rubs his thumbs over the back of Bram’s soft shirt, his stomach unsettled at the silence of the room. He can hear his own heartbeat in his ears, and he takes a deep breath. Bram’s arms tighten around him for a moment before he stands up straight, his nose running from the line of Simon’s jaw up to his temple, where Bram rests his head.

“What’s wrong?” Simon whispers, because Bram’s ear is right next to his mouth now. Bram shivers slightly, turning his head until they’re looking at each other. Simon’s hands come up at the sight of wetness on Bram’s eyelashes, and he cups Bram’s face gently. “Babe.”

Bram shakes his head, stepping back slightly. He takes a deep breath, leaning against the counter and running his hands down his face. Simon fights the urge to cross his arms, instead grabbing the edges of the apron again.

The oven beeps, signaling that it’s reached the required temperature, and Bram clears his throat.

“Are these for the bake sale?” he asks, and Simon narrows his eyes at him. Bram pushes off the counter and looks away from Simon’s scrutiny, picking up the spoon and looking at the half-filled cookie pan.

“Yeah,” Simon says after a moment of staring at his boyfriend’s back, walking over to stand at his side. “I need to get this sheet in the oven and start the next one.”

“I’ll start the next one,” Bram offers, already moving to get another spoon. He grabs the baking sheet and finds space on the island, grabbing the second bowl of dough and getting to work. Simon watches him for a moment before he goes back to where he’d left off.

The kitchen is quiet again, and Simon can hear Bieber barking in the backyard over the pounding of his own pulse in his ears. He has no idea what’s happened between the end of school, when Bram had kissed Simon’s cheek quickly in the parking lot before meeting up with some of the varsity soccer players for a pre-season workout, and now. He can’t even begin to fathom what has Bram in such a mood, and the spiraling of his thoughts is causing him to chew on the inside of his mouth.

Simon puts his baking sheet in the oven and sets the timer, ignoring the tremble in his hands. Bram slides the filled sheet into the space on the counter next to the oven and stays there, his shoulder an inch away from Simon’s. His hands are grasping the counter, and he’s staring at the cookie dough like it holds the answer to whatever’s going on in his head.

“Bram,” Simon intones quietly, reaching over to place a hand over one of Bram’s. His hands relax, and he lets out a low chuckle as he shakes his head.

“You know, Garrett met this guy today who just transferred here, who was on the varsity team at his old high school,” Bram starts, finally looking up at Simon. Simon makes note of how many minutes they have left and pushes on Bram until they’re at the table, where Bram slumps down in a chair. Simon sits next to him, scooting the chair over until their legs are pressed together.

“Okay,” Simon says, and Bram lets out another breath, like he’s trying to keep himself from getting worked up, and Simon places a hand on his knee.

“Garrett, being Garrett, invited him to come to the workout, practice, whatever you want to call it, today. He seemed pretty excited about it, so we did some introductions and got to playing.”

Bram’s hand slides down his leg until it covers Simon’s, and Simon turns his hand over so their fingers can slot together. The action seems to ground Bram, because his shoulders lose some of their rigidity, and he lets his head loll on his neck.

“Afterwards, we were all sitting in the grass with our water bottles when Jake asked how everyone’s summers had been, and everyone went around talking about their vacations. When I said I’d gone to Myrtle Beach, Andy asked if you had gone with me, and the new guy asked if you were my brother.”

Simon can already tell where this going, so he squeezes Bram’s hand. The soccer team has never been anything but supportive of Bram, which, in turn, included Simon, and it had been weirdly relieving to know that there’s a group of jocks on campus ready to throw down for him.

“They all laughed a bit, not in a mean way, but how you laugh when something’s outlandish. Garrett punched my shoulder, because I was probably blushing, and the new guy…”

Bram sucks in a sharp breath through his nose and lets it out too fast, leaning back against the chair. He shakes his head again, and when Simon looks at his face, he looks a lot angrier than before. Simon’s only seen Bram angry twice, and it still catches him off guard.

“He just looked right at me and said, ‘Oh, you’re a fag?’ just like that. No preamble, no thought  to what he was saying, like he expected everyone around him to be okay with his words. And no one knew what to say, except they were all staring at him, and he kept going, saying he was ‘sorry,’ but he couldn’t understand something ‘unnatural, it just doesn’t seem right,’ and ‘how do y’all feel comfortable changing in front of him,’ and all of these  _ things _ –” 

Bram cuts off as his throat closes, and Simon wraps his arms around Bram’s shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug. Bram hides his face in Simon’s neck, his arms locking behind Simon’s back. He’s shaking, and Simon realizes he’s crying now, finally letting go of whatever was keeping his shoulders slouched and his eyes cold.

The timer on the oven goes off, and before Simon can even think about how to get the cookies out of the oven, Nora’s sneaking into the kitchen and turning it off. She mouths an apology as she takes the cookies out, not bothering to put the next batch in. She pauses on her way back out of the room, making eye contact with Simon. Her eyes soften as she looks at Bram, but her mouth is set in a thin line.

“Bram,” Simon says quietly, Bram shaking against him. “Let’s go sit on the couch.”

Bram shakes his head, holding onto Simon tighter, and Simon bites his bottom lip. With some difficulty, he manages to get both legs across Bram’s lap, and when Bram realizes what he’s doing, he loosens his grip just enough for Simon to pull himself into Bram’s lap. Their arms go back to being tight around each other, Bram not bringing his face out of Simon’s neck.

“I’m so sorry,” Simon whispers quietly, stroking his fingers down the back of Bram’s neck. Nora’s gone again, but Simon hears Bieber’s collar before he sees him, the dog coming around the corner excitedly. When he sees Bram, he shoves his nose under Bram’s elbow, and Bram laughs wetly against Simon’s neck. Bieber places his head across their laps, waiting, and Bram reaches down to rub over the dog’s ears.

“It’s not your fault,” Bram says, turning his head so he can speak. Simon feels another hot tear hit his skin, and he cups Bram’s cheek.

“I know, but I’m still sorry it happened,” Simon whispers as Bieber decides he’s done with them and moves away. Simon’s positive his sister and mother are right around the corner, because Bieber stands in the doorway, his tail wagging.

“He got off a bit of his rant before Garrett told him to ‘shut the fuck up,’ and that’s when he realized that no one there was going to back him up. And I couldn’t… I didn’t know what to say at first. It felt different, having someone say those things right to my face instead of whispers in the hallways, or that senior last year who thought he was clever by calling me ‘Greenfag,’ like it was so smart to write it over my name on that soccer poster.”

“What did the guy say?” Simon asks, almost afraid of the answer. Bram sighs again, a few more tears falling onto Simon’s skin. The neck of his shirt is soaked, but he doesn’t care.

“I didn’t let him say anything. He opened his mouth and… and I told him that there was no place on our soccer team for a ‘dumb fucking homophobe,’ and that he really should know who the team captain was before mouthing off.”

“Oh, wow,” Simon says, feeling immensely proud of Bram in that moment. Bram chuckles softly.

“Garrett, in true Garrett form, clapped me on the back and said ‘and that’s the gospel truth,’ which was enough to break the tension. The guy got up then and left, not before kicking his feet a little. Jake wanted to go after him, but we all stopped him. He doesn’t need anything on his record for college admissions,” Bram finishes, finally lifting his head out of Simon’s neck. His eyes are red, his entire face and part of his neck covered in moisture, and Simon reaches up with his hoodie sleeve around his hand to wipe some of it away.

Bram closes his eyes, and Simon feels the moment wash over them. It feels more intimate than anything they have ever done, wiping the tears off his boyfriend’s cheeks, and he really hopes that his family stays right where they are on the other side of the wall. Simon flattens his hand on Bram’s cheek when he’s done. Bram leans into the touch and opens his eyes. They’re bloodshot, still a little watery, but they’re warm again, looking up at Simon in a way that makes Simon’s breath catch in his throat.

“I really like your teammates,” Simon whispers. Bram nods, tears catching on his eyelashes when he blinks.

“They’re the best people, even if they did ban you from practices,” Bram says, and Simon laughs softly.

“And I am, really,  _ really _ sorry you had to deal with that. I didn’t think anyone had the guts to be homophobic to our faces since that senior last year. But I guess this guy doesn’t know about the punishment that kid got,” Simon says as he shrugs, and Bram lets his head rest heavily on Simon’s hand.

“Well, he won’t be joining the team, and I doubt he’ll say anything again after he realized the entire team was against him.”

“Good. No one’s allowed to be mean to my boyfriend.” Simon leans in and kisses Bram softly, Bram’s fingers digging into his thigh.

“What would you do if someone was mean to me? Beat them up?” Bram teases, the corners of his mouth turning up at the very idea. Simon frowns at him.

“Of course I would. Don’t make fun of my athletic abilities, Abraham, I could kick some ass,” Simon says, and Bram giggles at him, his head leaning forward a bit. Simon smiles then, watching as Bram’s face softens and his anger dissipates.

“I love you,” Bram says quietly, and Simon hears a gasp around the corner. Bram doesn’t seem to notice, or maybe he doesn’t care.

“I love you, too,” Simon replies, and the resulting smile that graces Bram’s face is so bright, Simon has to lean in and kiss him one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you friends for the comments and kudos! i meant to upload this on sunday but it was my girlfriends graduation and a busy day. so here you go. the next chapter is number twelve on the prompt list.


	4. in the grass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. references to ‘leah on the offbeat’ in the sense that this is a missing scene from that book. gives away a bit of a spoiler.

  1. **When we lay together on the fresh spring grass**



“What are you thinking about?”

Bram’s voice breaks through the quiet they’ve settled into, laying on their backs in the Spiers’ backyard, fingers tangled between them. It’s warm, just warm enough that they can comfortably wear shorts, and Simon is soaking in the sunlight dancing across his skin through the trees. There’s noise filtering outside from inside the house, just snippets of conversations between his parents and Nora, his mom on the phone with Alice, his dad talking to the television. And Bram’s hand is in his, holding on in a way that makes Simon feel anchored, calm.

“College,” Simon finally answers, and he hears Bram’s head turn towards him. Simon still hasn’t brought up how much he fell in love with Haverford, and he’s been trying to force the words out of his mouth for what feels like years. He knows, is so acutely aware, that Bram knows something is bothering him, but hasn’t pushed. Bram never pushes unless he absolutely has to, and even then, it’s the softest of pushes, just enough to get Simon over the proverbial wall he’s claiming is too high to climb.

“Any particular part?” Bram asks, scooting over until their arms are touching, and Simon fights off the sigh that wants to escape his chest. It’s been over a year and his immediate reaction to any physical contact with his boyfriend will, hopefully someday, not be a wistful sigh.

“The… where,” Simon finally says, his face screwing up as he thinks. And now he can feel Bram’s eyes on him, and he knows when he looks over they’ll be as patient and careful as ever, but he can’t look at him yet. Because of Nick, and Abby, and everything.

“Is this about Nick and Abby?” Bram asks, and Simon attempts a shrug even though his shoulders are kinda stuck to the grass in the best way possible. He still doesn’t look at Bram.

“I don’t know. I guess,” Simon says when Bram doesn’t say anything for a moment, and he hears Bram take in a breath. It’s slow, even, and it sounds like the breaths he takes right before he says something in class. Steadying, calm.

“You guess?”

It’s not meant to be sarcastic, or malicious, or even condescending, and maybe a small part of Simon wants it to be a little harsher, push him a bit to finally come out with it, but he’s also relishing the gentle way Bram’s running his thumb over the skin on the back of Simon’s hand.

“I just… I guess I’m just trying to figure out why long distance can’t work, for them,” Simon says the last part as an add-on, too quickly. He thinks Bram might pick up on what he’s trying to say, but then Bram just lets out a soft sigh.

“I think that’s between Nick and Abby. And whatever reasons Abby has, I don’t think it’s our place to ask and judge her. It doesn’t mean all long-distance relationships won’t work,” Bram says, sounding like he’s putting together his sentences as he goes. Which, really, makes Simon feel a little more nervous about this conversation.

“Do you think they work?”

“Long-distance relationships?”

Simon nods, and he knows Bram’s looking at him to see. A beat passes between them, and the only thing keeping Simon calm is the constant reassurance from Bram’s thumb moving over his hand.  

“I do. But they take a considerable amount of work, and communication.” Bram’s voice is soft, and Simon fights against the lump that’s forming in his throat. He feels stupid, all of a sudden, for building this all up in his head, for imagining this scenario where Bram isn’t supportive or loving or the absolute best boyfriend in the entire world. He sucks in a breath, trying and somewhat failing to keep it even, and Bram squeezes his hand.

“Simon, love, talk to me,” Bram intones, his foot searching out across the grass and gently bumping into Simon’s leg. Simon’s entire body is hyper-aware of every point of contact and he wants more. His brain is flashing him images of him curling up against Bram’s chest and staying there while he talks. He almost does, until he takes another breath and focuses on the solid ground below him.

“So, you know how I was set on NYU?”

“Yes.”

“Well, when we visited Haverford…” Simon trails off, unsure of how to proceed. He’s been working through these words in his head now for days, trying to make them work when he says them aloud to himself in bed at 3 a.m.

“I just… I really liked it. It felt – so nice, and there’s so many gay kids and they’re not hipster gay kids like at NYU but nerdy gay kids and that feels like – right where I belong, and I felt like Haverford is where I belong but it’s like an hour and a half away from Columbia and I know that’s not terribly far but I don’t want to be that far away when I could just suck it up and go to NYU and be within walking distance-”

“Simon.”

Bram’s voice breaks through Simon’s rambling, and he finally turns his head to look at his boyfriend. Bram’s staring at him with patient eyes, his mouth set in the softest of smiles. He pushes himself up on his elbow, so he’s propped up above Simon, his free hand coming up to rest gently on Simon’s cheek.

“Simon,” Bram says again, and it’s the way that Bram pronounces his name, like it’s something  more valuable than all the wonders of the world, that pushes the lump up in Simon’s throat until his eyes are a little teary. Bram swipes his thumb across the underside of Simon’s eye, and Simon tilts his head into Bram’s hand. He doesn’t miss the way Bram’s eyes soften, the tender way he’s looking down at him.

“I’m scared,” Simon says softly after a few moments, when the lump in his throat starts to lessen with the soft way Bram’s cupping his face.

“Of what?” Bram pushes, just a little, and Simon feels far too exposed on his back, so he rolls over onto his side, Bram’s hand slipping from his face. Simon hides his face in Bram’s shirt, and Bram lowers himself to his shoulder, so he can wrap his arms around Simon, pulling him into his chest. Simon lets out a ragged breath, every one of his senses overwhelmed with Bram in the best ways.

“Of an ending,” Simon mumbles after a moment, and Bram’s arms tighten around him before he pulls back, reaching up to gently pull Simon’s face out of his shirt.

“Simon, please look at me,” Bram whispers, almost pleads, and Simon pulls his face back, looking into Bram’s eyes.

“It’ll only end if we let it end, alright?”

Simon nods, afraid of what his voice will sound like if he speaks.

“Do you want to let it end?” Bram asks, and Simon shakes his head so fast he gets a little dizzy.

“No,” Simon chokes out, and Bram’s looking at him expectantly, like he’s waiting for Simon to finally get it, and Simon knows he’s being difficult. He knows that this isn’t actually as hard as he’s making it out to be.

“Simon, if you want to go to Haverford, you should go to Haverford. I don’t want you choosing to go somewhere because of its proximity to me if you don’t like it,” Bram says and Simon huffs.

“But I want to be near you,” he mumbles, and Bram smiles at that, leaning forward to kiss his forehead.

“I know, love. I want to be near you too. I always want to be near you. But an hour and a half isn’t that far apart, and there’s Skype, FaceTime, texting, email, snail mail, so many ways to keep in contact. And I know it won’t be as easy as being in the same city, but Si…” Bram trails off, and he’s staring at Simon’s face in a way he really hasn’t before, or maybe he has and Simon’s never really taken notice. But it feels warm, intense yet soft in a way Simon didn’t know someone could look at him. His breath hitches in his throat. When Bram opens his mouth to speak, Simon’s entire world narrows to his boyfriend’s lips, the words he’s speaking.

“Si, I love you, so much more than the 100 or so miles between Haverford and New York. And I don’t want this to end, as much as or more than you don’t. And it’ll be difficult, absolutely, but… Si, it’s worth it if I get to keep loving you.”

Simon feels the tears spilling over his eyes before he realizes they’re even there, and he reaches up with his free hand to wipe them off his cheeks before he tilts his head up to press his lips to Bram’s. It’s a soft kiss, a promise of something Simon doesn’t think he can name just yet, but he knows what it feels like. It feels a bit like forever, and a lot like the beginning of an epilogue he knows is going to be all fluff.

“I love you, so much,” Simon whispers against Bram’s lips when they break apart, and Bram’s eyes crinkle in the way Simon knows means he’s smiling at him.

“And I just… I know in my head I made this into a much more complicated mess than it really is, and I’m sorry for not telling you sooner. That’s probably part of that whole ‘communication’ thing we’re going to have to get really good at when we go to college,” Simon jokes, and it’s just enough to get Bram to chuckle softly.

“I’ve been thinking about it, and we can totally see each other at least once a month, maybe twice. And we’ll definitely set up times where we Skype and just talk for hours and hours about our weeks, maybe Sunday night so we start the week off right. And I think we should promise each other that we don’t  _ not _ go out and party and make friends and have a good time because of each other. Like, I don’t want us to miss out on experiencing college because of each other and then resent each other later for it.” Simon knows he’s rambling, but these are the things he’s been thinking about, and he needs to get them out. And Bram’s nodding, which makes him feel a little better.

“I agree,” he says, and Simon presses their lips together again.

“There’s a lot of things we should probably talk about before we leave,” Simon says, his lips just barely touching Bram’s. Bram nudges their noses together, and Simon giggles.

“We have a whole summer before that happens,” Bram whispers, and Simon’s stomach fills with butterflies, their wings just barely moving, for some unknowable reason. And maybe Bram knows that, because he kisses Simon again and the butterflies take flight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is one of my favorite chapters. next chapter is prompt number twenty-one on the list.


	5. over your shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. still slight references to ‘loto’ but they’re slight.

  1. **Over your shoulder**



Simon hates alphabetical order.

His class is large enough that sitting in alphabetical order means he’s far away from all of his friends. Even Abby, by some divine intervention from whatever higher order hates Simon, is sitting in the row behind him, at the opposite end. He’s stuck next to the Somerset twins, who he hasn’t said more than two words to in his entire high school career. He’s at the end of the aisle, and if he looks to his right, he can see up into the bleachers. His family is up there somewhere.

Looking back through the sea of caps, he knows exactly where all of his friends are sitting. Leah’s up in one of the front rows, her yellow cap decorated with flowers that reminds Simon of her prom dress. Nick’s a few rows behind her, on the other side of the aisle, his hat pinned to his hair with more bobby pins than Simon’s ever seen. Garrett’s tall, and finding him in the crowd is easy. His green cap is almost falling off his head as he jokes with the people he’s sitting next to, always so at ease with everyone.

And there, also sitting by himself on the other side of the aisle, is Bram. Simon’s spent most of the ceremony looking at him, smiling when Bram’s already looking back. It helps that they’re both just a little taller than the people they’re sitting around, and that by some blessed relief, everyone in their line of sight is short.

Bram’s sitting at the end of his row because he has a speech to give. Simon barely listens, because he knows exactly what Bram’s saying. He’d sat on Bram’s bed, listening as Bram had nervously gone through his notes, spent hours obsessing over his words. Simon knows it means a lot to Bram, being valedictorian and being Bram, to stand up and speak. He’d beaten Victoria White by three points, and when the placing had been posted, Bram had leaned against Simon and sighed heavily.

So, Simon watches as Bram clenches the edges of the podium, his eyes moving through the crowd. They’d come up with a game plan — an easy way for Bram to not stare at his notes the whole time. Bram’s eyes move from Leah to Nick, through the crowd to Garrett, over to Abby, and then finally landing on Simon. He smiles a little easier when he’s staring at Simon, and Simon feels so much pride swell up in his chest he fears he’ll burst and ruin graduation.

Bram continues the easy loop, looking between his friends, but he finishes his speech looking right at Simon, his eyes crinkled in the fading afternoon light. Simon knows the Somerset twins are glancing at him and he barely cares.

Simon’s still sitting when all of his friends’ names are called, so he cheers as loudly as he can from the back. When it’s finally his turn to walk up the aisle and his name is called, he hears Garrett shouting the loudest. It makes him laugh as he accepts the empty diploma holder from the school district official, and then he hears a loud whistle and he smiles when he sees Bram smiling at him, his fingers still in his mouth. Simon smiles at him, thinks that the photographer that’s supposed to be capturing them walking down the steps is probably getting a good shot of his so called “Bram Face.” He really doesn’t care.

As soon as Simon’s cap is back in his hand after he gently tosses it into the air, Abby’s at his side.

“We’re done!” she screams, and then she’s pulling him through the crowd.

Simon’s surprised she can see where she’s going, because even in her heels, she’s still much shorter than most of the crowd. But she does a good job of pulling him over to where Leah and Bram are already standing, talking quietly. Simon can feel his phone going off, probably his mom calling him to ask where he’s standing on the field, but he ignores it to step into Bram’s personal space and tangle their fingers. Bram smiles at him, beams really, brighter than the sun, and Simon can’t help himself.

He leans forward and gently kisses Bram’s cheek, sliding their hands together until they’re actually holding hands, and he feels the heat rush into Bram’s cheek under his lips.

“I’m so proud of you,” he says, his chin resting on Bram’s shoulder, just for Bram to hear. There’s a sense of privacy in the chaos of the crowd, and Bram squeezes his hand.

“I stumbled over a few words,” Bram replies as he turns so they’re a little closer. Simon knows how nervous Bram had been before the ceremony started, and Simon had been yelled at by one of their teachers for not being in his spot in line because he’d been standing next to Bram.

“You were amazing,” Simon says, just a little louder, and he sees Leah and Abby nodding. Bram ducks his head, so his nose is right against Simon’s temple, and Simon squeezes his hand.

“Si, your mom’s calling  _ me _ ,” Leah says, and Simon brings his chin off Bram’s shoulder to grab his own phone. He laughs when he sees he has ten missed calls. Bram chuckles, pulling his phone out as well.

It doesn’t take long for their families to find them, and then Nick and his parents are with them, and Garrett drags his over as well, and they stand in a huge mess right there on the football field. Bram doesn’t let go of Simon’s hand, even as Bram’s mother, Julia, wraps him up in the tightest hug Simon’s ever seen. Even when Simon’s Nan walks over to give him a hug, the one person he’s not  _ out out _ to yet, and he doesn’t miss the way she glances at his hand in Bram’s.

“Bram, sweetheart, you did amazing!” Emily says as she cups Bram’s face, shaking him slightly. He laughs, a little breathless and overwhelmed with all the attention.

“Thank you,” he says, and she bends up to kiss his cheek. And then Bram’s dad, Elijah, is asking Emily if she got any good pictures, and the parents are all suddenly focused on something other than their kids.

Bram steps behind Simon as soon as the parents all turn away, letting go of Simon’s hand to slip his arms around Simon’s torso. Simon smiles as Bram ducks his head down, Simon reaching up to gently pull off his cap, so it doesn’t dig into Simon’s cheek.

“You doing okay?” Simon asks, and Bram nods into his neck. Simon catches Abby looking at them, with that look in her eyes like she’s about to cry. Leah’s arm is around Abby’s shoulders, and they’re mostly quiet as they take everything in.

“We’ve finally graduated,” Abby says after a moment, reaching out and putting a hand on Simon’s arm. Leah’s staring at her girlfriend, her mouth ticked up slightly, and Simon feels warm all over despite the cool breeze sweeping across the football field.

Simon hears a camera click, and he looks over to see his dad pointing the nice camera they’d gotten a year ago at them. Jack smiles at them, holding the view up to his eye again and taking another picture.

“Dad,” Simon says, and Jack just chuckles.

“This is your graduation day, look more alive!” he calls, and Simon makes a face. He hears the click of the camera and groans.

Bram brings his head out of Simon’s neck, resting his cheek against the side of Simon’s head, and Jack takes another picture. He turns the camera and takes a picture of Leah and Abby, Nick and Garrett right behind them, talking animatedly about something. Simon hasn’t been keeping up with what they’re saying, but he hears the word “party” and “Taylor” and purses his lips.

“Whatever they’re talking about, I don’t want to go,” Bram says, somehow reading Simon’s mind. Simon turns his head a little bit, his nose right against Bram’s chin, and smiles.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” Simon says, and Bram squeezes his middle. Simon brings the hand not holding their caps up to rest on Bram’s arms, and he hears the click of a camera.

“Boys.” Emily turns to them, that soft smile that she gets sometimes when she looks at them on her face. “I know we didn’t talk much about after graduation, and we realize you might want to go to a party, but I think Nora and Alice have a dinner plan.”

Simon nods immediately, wanting any excuse to not go to whatever Nick and Garrett are talking about. Emily perks up, as though she thought they’d want to go to a party, and turns to the group of adults.

Abby and Leah are ushered away by their parents into the fading afternoon light for a few pictures. Garrett’s mom seems to be lecturing him about underage drinking, Nick right next to him. Simon leans his head back so it’s resting on Bram’s shoulder and lets out a soft sigh.

“I’m so proud of you,” Simon says quietly, and even though his dad is close enough to hear, Jack simply looks out over the crowd, snapping pictures. Bram leans his head against Simon’s, and their breaths sync up.

“So you’ve told me,” Bram says, and Simon hums.

“I know, but I want to say it again. Because I know how nervous you were. I could see your hands shaking from where I was sitting, and I know your voice when you’re trying to act like you’re not nauseated. But you pushed through all of that to deliver your speech, and for that, I’m immensely proud of you.”

Bram ducks his head down, and Simon tilts his head forward again. He can feel the warmth on Bram’s cheeks and feels an overwhelming love for the boy holding him in that moment.

“I love you,” Simon says, a lot softer now as he’s aware their parents are starting to finally figure out the dinner plan. Bram brings his head up and presses his lips to the side of Simon’s head, and Simon distantly hears a camera click.

“I love you, so much,” Bram says, his lips brushing the top of Simon’s ear as he speaks. Emily and Julia look over at them, both of them smiling softly. Jack’s finally let the camera rest against his chest on its strap, and he wraps an arm around his wife’s shoulders.

“Honey, let’s go,” Emily calls after a moment, and Simon attempts to move forward, but Bram keeps his arms around Simon a moment longer, kissing the back of his head before he lets his arms fall. Simon can feel the blush on his cheeks as he hands Bram back his cap, and Bram shoves it down on his head before slipping his hand into Simon’s, squeezing gently.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have taken the liberty of making up Bram’s parents names. thank you everyone for the comments and love so far, it’s so lovely to see. next chapter is number thirteen on the prompt list.


	6. in a letter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. little angsty.

  1. **In a letter**



Bram’s alone when the envelope slips out from between the pages of one the books he packed to read in the car ride up to New York.

His mom’s left for the night, staying with a friend she knows in Queens to let him settle in before she comes back in the morning to help him set up his room. Most of his clothes are sitting in neat piles on the desk on the opposite side of the room, and the box with his books, pictures, and memories is sitting under the bed.

He picks up his backpack and sets it on the bed, which he made earlier as his mom explored the hallways. He pulls out his toothbrush, the small bag of other toiletries, and places them on the desk. He has yet to venture down to the bathrooms and isn’t looking forward to sharing a bathroom with so many others. With a smile, he pulls out what’s left of the snacks he’d bought at a gas station somewhere in Virginia. There’s a little magnet in with the snacks, one of those novelty ones boasting the state it’s from, and Bram places it on his desk as he thinks of ways to put it up in his room.

He gently tosses the two books he’d packed onto his bed near his favorite pillow, his backpack now empty aside from a few crumbs. Resigning himself to cleaning it out tomorrow, he puts the pack down under his desk and gets ready for bed.

He’s picking up the books to put them on the nightstand when the envelope falls out from between the pages of his worn copy of  _ Little Women _ . He puts the books down before he picks up the envelope, turning it over to see his name written in a familiar script. His heart jumps into his throat. Shutting off the overhead light and letting the lamp on the nightstand wash the room in a warm glow, Bram pulls back the covers and gets into bed. Every nerve in his body that had previously been tired is now wide awake and humming as he opens the envelope and pulls out a folded stack of papers.

His phone buzzes on his nightstand where it’s plugged in and he glances at it for only a moment before unfolding the papers, his hands a little shaky.

_ Bram, _

_ I don’t know when you’ll find this letter, but I’m hoping it’s in your first couple days in your new place. I really hope it isn’t when you’re in the car with your mom on the way up, and if it is, I’m sorry. I figured you wouldn’t read this far back into Little Women, but who knows. Maybe the drive’s longer than we thought, or you don’t have that much to talk about with your mom. _

_ Anyway. _

_ I can’t believe we’re now officially “college kids.” I mean, you have one lousy summer of your mom essentially crying every time you so much as look at her and then you’re shipped off to a new place, completely out of your element because your mom also was the one always making your dinner, so what are you supposed to do now? I guess that’s why people gain that “freshman fifteen,” or as Alice once said, “the freshman forty-five from hell.” I  still don’t think she gained forty-five pounds, she’s rather dramatic. _

_ And I lied, it wasn’t that lousy of a summer. I think I’m infinitely happy that, when I look back on the summer before I started college, in almost every memory I have, you’re there with me. That trip to the lake, when Garrett got “stung” by something, or the barbeque in my backyard on the 4 _ _ th _ _ of July when you snuck me around the side of the house, so we were alone when you kissed me against the house as the fireworks went off. Especially that summer storm in August when we stayed in my bed all day while my parents were at work and just laid there. I know that’s like, the least hormonal teenager thing we’ve ever done, just lay in bed and listen to music while it rains and thunders, but every time I think about that day, I feel warm and loved and I wouldn’t have changed anything about any of those moments. I think about your fingers running up and down my back, just lightly, when I’m trying to fall asleep at night sometimes…. _

_ And now we’re miles apart. The farthest we’ve ever been apart, except when we first visited colleges earlier this year. I’ll never, ever, ever forget when you came back from visiting Columbia. You were so excited, so in love with the school, and for a moment I felt like maybe I’d be losing you, and then you started going on about how you’d have a single room for when I visited and I think I almost cried. _

_ Remember when I fell in love with Haverford and was terrified of telling you, because I thought it would change everything and we’d break up? I laugh at that Simon sometimes. Now I know I was being ridiculous and really, the only real distance that could keep me from you was if they shot me out into space and I was stuck on the moon, but even then I think I’d find a way to be with you. When I’m having a moment (you know the ones, where I get a little anxious), I remember what you said in the grass in my backyard in May. You told me you loved me more than the 100 or so miles between Haverford and New York, and that everything would be worth it if you got to keep loving me. _

_ I know I didn’t say anything as coherent or poetic that day. I don’t know if I’ll ever have words as beautiful as yours, because Bram, everything you say is like a warm sunset in the summer, when the sky layers pink, orange, and blue in something out of a dream. But I want to say something. _

_ I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I first emailed you. I didn’t realize that moment in time would lead me to this. I thought that, if anything, I’d have someone to talk to, a friend to lean on when no one around me understood what I was going through. And I got that, definitely. I think it’s safe to say that you’re one of my absolute best friends. And I think it’s also safe to say that I’m absolutely, positively, hopelessly in love with my best friend, in ways that I never imagined a person could be in love. _

Bram’s vision blurs, and he pulls the comforter up to his quivering chin. He blinks a few times, his chest aching with something he’s beginning to identify as longing. When his vision clears enough to see the letter again, he notices there’s a few dried splotches in the margins.

_ I don’t know if I believe in soulmates, and I know it’s the cheesiest thing in the world to be talking about soulmates in a letter to the person you love, but I think I do believe that we’re all drawn to those we’ve known before, in some kind of past life. I know you said you don’t know if you believe in reincarnation, but I don’t know how else to explain how I feel when I’m with you. It’s like I’ve known you before, in other ways, in different lives. I know fate is… well, it’s kind of a big thing to talk about, but I know there was something at work when we started emailing. What would’ve happened if we didn’t email? I don’t like to think of a universe where we don’t have our first date in your car, eating Oreo mush. I don’t like to think of a universe where we don’t have our first kiss in your car, hidden from the rest of the world by the rain. _

_ I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m so thankful whatever unknowable power conceived this story, and led me to you. You sat no more than three feet from me every single lunch for years, and I would’ve never known the beautiful depths that your soft eyes hide without a little fate. _

_ I love you, so much more than I think words can encapsulate. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to explain the feeling deep in my chest when your hand touches mine, or the quiet ways you occupy my mind. There’s no word for the deep longing I feel in my bones when we’re apart and all I have of you is your voice, soft and melodic over the phone. _

_ I guess that word is love. _

_ It doesn’t feel big enough to capture all of that, though. _

_ I already cannot wait to see you. You just left, actually, to head home and pack up the rest of your stuff. I’ll hold that last kiss you gave me, pressed down into my mattress by every part of you against me, in my mind until I get to touch you again. I know our actual last kiss before you leave will be something much more PG, shorter and a lot more sad, so I’ll think about the way you cupped my face and told me you loved me, over and over again, until we see each other again in person and I can return the favor. _

_ I love you, Abraham Louis Greenfeld. I love you with every single piece of me, and I am so unbelievably proud of everything you’ve accomplished and will accomplish up there in New York. And I cannot wait for whatever our future holds. _

_ So much love, _

_ Simon. _

Bram sucks in a breath when he finishes, his hands dropping the papers to come up to his face, tears spilling down his cheeks. His chest hurts, and he reaches for his phone blindly, pushing away the tears long enough to pull up his recent calls and call the one person that will ease the ache in his body.

He answers on the second ring.

“Hey, New York! How’s the move-in going?”

Bram relaxes as Simon’s voice washes over him, and he lets out a shaky breath.

“Bram, babe, are you okay?” Simon asks, his voice changing from jovial to concerned in a moment. Bram tries to speak, but his throat is clogged, so he makes an affirmative noise.

“Oh, babe.” Simon doesn’t sound pitying, he sounds like he gets it, and Bram closes his eyes. Simon doesn’t say anything after that, but he’s humming quietly, and Bram recognizes it as one of the songs off the “songs for you” playlist. He clings to the sound, and soon his throat clicks as it unclogs.

“Simon,” Bram chokes out, and the humming stops.

“Are you okay?”

“Can you just… talk to me?” Bram manages to say, and Simon obliges immediately.

“Alice called me this morning, asked me to give her all of your contact info, because I think she wants to take you out for lunch once you’re settled, which I think is awesome. Mom and Dad keep shooting me glances at the dinner table because they think I’m majorly depressed, which is right, because my wonderful boyfriend is up in New York already while I’m not leaving for Haverford for a couple days. And I know we’ll still technically be apart, but I don’t like that right now, we’re hours and hours apart instead of like, just an hour, you know?

“What else? Oh! Nora and I had a long talk about how it’s going to be once I leave for real, and she started crying a little and I’m really going to miss that peanut. I know I missed Alice a lot when she first left, but Nora and I have always been really close, and we promised each other we’d text and call all the time. I told her not as much as I plan on texting and calling you. Oh, which also reminds me, Mom said she’s finally going to get an unlimited data plan for all of us because Alice already pushes us over our limit like, monthly. So, that’s some good news.”

Simon pauses for a moment, and Bram’s vision is cleared and the lump in his throat has disappeared. He speaks before Simon starts again.

“I love you,” he says softly, and he hears Simon’s soft sigh.

“I love you, too. Are you going to tell me what’s up yet, or do I need to go into detail about how Bieber pooped on the front porch?”

“No!” Bram laughs, the sound so sudden it surprises him. “Please don’t tell me about your dog’s poop.”

“It got you to laugh, maybe I should! The bugger didn’t want to go out in the rain-” 

“Simon!” Bram laughs again, and Simon stops talking, also laughing. They settle into silence before Bram speaks again.

“I just…” Bram looks at his room, at the bare walls he still has to decorate, the empty desk that he still needs to organize, the boxes under his bed. He sighs.

“I cannot wait to see what our future holds,” he says softly, and he knows Simon understands by the soft gasp on the other end of the phone.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Simon says sheepishly, and Bram shakes his head. His lips are trying to smile, and he bites down on them.

“It’s okay. I needed it. I needed to read all of that. I love you, so much more than words can encapsulate.”

Simon chuckles softly, and Bram feels the tightness in his chest finally unclench.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(
> 
> next chapter is number one on the prompt list


	7. as a hello.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ ratings. a lil sad but then v happy

  1. **As a hello**



“I don’t know if I can.”

Simon sucks in a breath and lets it out as quietly as he can.

“I know,” he replies, and he hears Bram let out a sigh on the other end of the line.

“It’s just… there’s three projects I have to work on before I can even think about sleeping, and the oral presentation I still have to work the kinks out of before I present, and I just want all of this to be over and for it to be winter break,” Bram says in a rush under his breath, sounding a little harried, and Simon frowns.

“Bram, I understand. It probably wasn’t our smartest moment, thinking we could take a weekend to be together so close to finals,” Simon shifts on his bed, looking out at the snow falling down outside. He pulls his blanket tighter around his shoulders, fighting off the inescapable cold.

“I just… I could really use a Simon hug right now.”

Bram’s voice is small, almost like he doesn’t want to admit it, and Simon melts into his pillows, tears coming to his eyes unbidden. He sucks in a breath and tries to work words around the lump in his throat.

“I could use a Bram hug,” he replies, and Bram laughs wetly.

“If only we’d gotten together last weekend,” Bram sighs heavily, and Simon can hear rustling in the background. It’s late, and he hopes the noises he hears are Bram getting into bed.

“There’s only two weeks until winter break,” Simon says, and Bram sighs heavily.

“Two weeks for me; you have like 12 days,” Bram whines, but Simon knows he’s not saying it to be mean. It’s by luck that Simon’s able to leave on Thursday, all of his classes done by Wednesday evening.

“It means I get to pick you up at the airport,” Simon says happily, and Bram hums.

“That, I’m excited about. It’s what I’m clinging to right now, as I stare at all of the stuff I have to work on. Seeing you at the airport. Hugging you in the airport. I don’t even care, I might kiss you as soon as I see you.”

Simon laughs softly, knowing this is coming from a very sleepy, stressed out Bram. Part of him thinks that maybe Bram’s telling the truth, but then Bram chuckles softly, like he finally heard what he said.

“I miss you,” Bram says, and it’s Simon’s turn to hum.

“It’s only like, 14 more sleeps.”

Simon hears Bram’s wistful sigh, tinny through the phone.

“Can I Skype you sometime this week and go over my oral presentation?” Bram asks.

“Absolutely,” Simon replies quickly, and Bram sighs again. Simon thinks he hears him yawn, but he’s trying to cover it up.

“Go to sleep, babe. I’ll talk to you in the morning,” Simon says, and Bram yawns audibly this time.

“I love you, did you know that?”

“It’s been pointed out to me, once or twice. Good thing too, because I love you,” Simon replies, smiling as Bram makes a happy noise.

\---

The screen Simon has been staring at for the past half hour finally changes, and his heart quickens as the “ON TIME” changes to “ARRIVED”. His foot starts to shake where it’s up on his knee, and he pulls out his phone in the hopes that, at any moment, Bram will text him to tell him he’s here. Simon knows it will be another few minutes, or longer, until Bram’s in front of him, in the flesh, and every part of his body is humming in anticipation.

Bram texts him after a moment, and he smiles as he opens the thread.

_ Bram: guess who has two thumbs and is back in Georgia? _

_ Simon: if it isn’t you, this is a lame joke _

_ Bram: i’m really only good for lame jokes, babe _

Simon smiles at his phone, the anxious energy moving his foot stilling. He sits back in his seat, thankfully alone in his row of seats.

_ Simon: i’m sitting in the arrivals area. i don’t have a flashy sign or anything, sorry _

_ Bram: the sign would only get in the way of me tackling you to the ground in a hug anyway _

Simon’s cheeks hurt as he smiles. He knows he probably looks a little crazy, his face lit up the way it does when Bram does something (anything), and there’s plenty of people around to silently judge him, but he’s beyond caring. Before he can type a response, another text comes through.

_ Bram: i’ll see you soon, my love _

Simon sits back and pulls up his thread with his mom and lets her know that Bram’s landed and they’ll be leaving the airport soon. He knows Bram’s probably texted his own mother, but Simon texts her anyway to let her know. He’s taking Bram to his house, and then later they’ll all head over to Simon’s house for dinner, per their new tradition. Simon’s been thinking about the feast Nora’s been texting him about since that morning when he saw all of the prep.

A new rush of people enters the arrivals area, and Simon looks up as they stream in. He watches people reunite, his chest constricting as he realizes that, in a few minutes, that’ll be him. He’ll be wrapped up in the arms of someone he loves, too. He watches as a young kid, no older than ten, runs over to greet her father. It’s all being filmed by the mother, and Simon feels his lips tug up.

There are more people coming in now, and he watches them all as they disperse in various directions. He’s thinking about how airports are his favorite liminal spaces when his eyes spot Bram. His eyes are down, on his phone, and then Bram’s bringing his phone up to his ear. Simon feels his phone go off, smiling as Bram looks in the wrong direction.

“You just walked in and you’re already calling me?” Simon answers the call, and he watches as Bram looks around the room some more. People block his view, so Simon stands up so he’s a little taller than the rest of the crowd. He smiles the second Bram’s eyes land on him, and the call beeps as Bram ends it.

He doesn’t move, his eyes locked on the soft smile on Bram’s face, the warm color of his eyes, the laugh lines next to his eyes. He’s wearing the Haverford sweatshirt Simon got him last year, still baggy around his torso in the way Bram likes, says is most comfortable. He’s pulling his suitcase behind him, and Simon’s eyes are drawn to the hand that’s gripping the backpack on his shoulder, his knuckles and long fingers. It feels like forever for Bram to walk across the open area, weaving through people, his eyes never leaving Simon for longer than a second.

He stops a few feet away, his hand squeezing on his backpack strap. Simon’s still staring at him, and that’s when he notices the wetness building in Bram’s eyes. Bram blinks, and Simon sees a single tear leave his eyes, and that’s all it takes to break his trance.

Bram drops his backpack to the ground next to his suitcase as Simon reaches for him, stepping right into his space and wrapping his arms around Bram’s shoulders. Bram presses his face into Simon’s neck, laughing out a sob. They’re both shaking, a mixture of adrenaline and that profound longing they’ve felt in their bones breaking free. Simon shuts his eyes as Bram’s hands grip him tightly, and he feels a few tears on his cheeks then. It hadn’t been like this last time, hadn’t been this long since they’d seen each other, this much stress on their plates. It’s never been this intense.

Simon brings a hand up to cradle the back of Bram’s head, holding him a moment longer before he pulls his hair gently. Bram reluctantly brings his face out of Simon’s neck, and he rests his forehead against Simon’s gently, both of them breathing together. Bram’s arms are still tight around Simon’s middle, and Simon still has his grip on Bram’s shoulders, but they relax slightly as the initial adrenaline leaves their bodies.

Bram’s hands come up, slowly, to cup Simon’s jaw, and he laughs out a quiet sob, smiling up at Bram. They’re both crying a little, a detail they’ll leave out later, but Simon thinks it’s another testament to how much they love each other. Bram’s thumbs sweep over Simon’s cheeks, and he sighs, his lips turning up in a smile.

“I love you,” Bram whispers, and Simon closes his eyes as he lets the words seep into his mind, splash against his insides in bursts of color.

“I love you,” Simon replies, just as quietly, and Bram’s eyes sparkle. He leans in then, pressing his lips to Simons, a soft press that they rarely exchange in public, but the moment seems to call for it.

“I can’t believe it’s only been a month and a half. It felt like so much longer,” Bram whispers when they pull apart, and Simon scrunches up his face.

“It was one hell of a month and a half,” he says, and Bram closes his eyes as he nods.

“I cannot begin to explain how much I’ve missed you,” Bram says, his fingers putting gentle pressure on Simon’s face.

“Good, because I can’t either,” Simon replies, and Bram laughs happily, the tears from earlier all but dried up. He releases Simon reluctantly, reaching back to grab his things, and Simon takes the suitcase handle from him. Bram smiles at him as he fixes the backpack on his shoulders.

“You ready for Nora’s epic feast tonight?” Simon asks, and Bram reaches over to take Simon’s free hand before he replies. Simon beams at him as their fingers slide together.

“Among other things,” Bram replies, and Simon winks at him as they walk towards the exit.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m very glad it’s easy to upload fics on mobile otherwise this wouldn’t be updated. my gf and i moved in together this weekend and we have no internet so it’s a hassle. i promise to keep the consistent posting schedule tho!!!
> 
> next chapter is number eighteen on the list.


	8. very far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. again, a lil sad. just what you’d expect.

  1. **From very far away**



Nora answers the door when Bram comes over, and she smiles at him a little sadly when she steps back and lets him inside. When the door closes, she steps into his space and gives him a hug, and he smiles as he rests his cheek against the top of her head.

“Hi bug,” he says, and she pinches his side gently.

“I’m eighteen, stop calling me that,” she says, but when she pulls back, she’s smiling at him. She pulls away and walks towards the kitchen, where Emily is standing over the stove, stirring something in a pot.

“Bram, sweetheart,” she says, and he walks over to give her a kiss on the cheek. She wraps an arm around his waist and gives him a squeeze. She smells familiar, and Bram stays next to her for a moment. He’s fighting off that deep ache in his bones, and she seems to sense something in him, because she keeps her arm around him.

“I’m making some pastries with Nora, if you want to help out,” she says softly, and he puts an arm around her shoulder. He watches the sugar mixture she’s stirring move in the pot, Nora walking over to peek in as well. Nora hums before she grabs one of the bowls, filled with proportioned red mush, and begins to scoop it into the pot.

“Raspberries?” Bram asks, and Emily nods.

“We’re making jam,” Nora says, and Bram smiles widely.

“Add a little nutmeg,” he says, and when Nora looks up at him, it’s like he’s told her the meaning of life.

“Brilliant,” she says, going over and opening one of the cabinets. Emily squeezes his side once more before letting go of him, and he moves his arm off her shoulder so she can tilt the pot, scraping the sides.

“How’s your spring break going?” Emily asks conversationally, her face scrunched up as she fights with the thickening jam. Bram reaches over and offers to take the spoon from her, and she acquiesces easily, letting him take over mixing.

“It’s quiet. Not what I’d expected, but nice nonetheless,” he says, and Emily gives him the same sad smile Nora gave him at the door.

“We miss Simon, too,” she says, reaching up to touch the back of his neck in a very motherly fashion, and he refuses to let any tears fall from his eyes.

Simon’s in London. He’d applied back in the fall, for the opportunity to spend his spring break in the city as part of the school’s exchange program. He had originally been rejected, and that had been okay, until someone had to drop out, and the spot was offered back up to him. He’d only found out four days earlier, and while Bram was infinitely happy that Simon got the opportunity to go visit England, he was also a little grumpy at not being able to spend all of spring break holding Simon’s hand.

“Last he texted me, they were going to a bunch of museums. I don’t know how much of the city they can see in a week, but I’m sure they’ll try,” Bram says, trying to keep the vague bitterness out of his voice. He focuses on the jam, tensing up his arm muscles to stir.

“There’s no way they can see the whole city in a week. He told me that they’re letting them explore on their own on Friday, and a couple people want to head out to a pub,” Nora says, and Emily hums like she does when her adult kids say something that upsets her, but there’s nothing she can do about it. Bram’s very familiar with that hum. He’s heard it a lot since he and Simon turned eighteen.

“Simon will probably end up at King’s Cross,” Nora says around a laugh, and Bram smiles at that.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t spend spring break with Simon, honey,” Emily says softly, observing Bram with slightly squinted eyes. Bram shrugs, hating that she can see right through him.

“It is what it is. I can’t be mad about it,” he says, but she shakes her head.

“You can. You can feel whatever you’d like about not getting to spend a week with your long-distance boyfriend.”

He looks at her, and she’s smiling at him kindly. He feels like he could cry, and pushes at that feeling until it’s buried deep.

“Okay,” he replies, his standard response for when Emily goes psychologist on him. She reaches for the spoon, and he lets her take over mixing again, moving back to lean against the counter.

“Where’s Jack?” he asks, and Emily jerks her head towards the backyard.

“He’s fixing my gardening shed, the roof is finally caving in,” Emily says, and Bram nods. Nora jerks her head towards the stairs, shifts her eyes at Emily, and somehow Bram knows exactly what she’s saying. He nods at her, and as he slips out of the kitchen, Nora engages her mother in a conversation that’ll keep her from realizing Bram’s disappeared.

He heads to Simon’s room, the walk all too familiar after four years. The room’s exactly how Simon left it after living in it all summer, and Bram sighs as he walks over to the bed, kicking off his shoes and face planting into the pillows. It smells exactly like Simon, a combination of his shampoo, deodorant, and natural smell that Bram loves so much. He takes in a few deep breaths before turning over onto his back and pulling out his phone.

There’s a few texts from Garrett, Snapchats from a few of his college friends, and a bunch of other random notifications that he clears with a frown. He knows there’s a significant time difference, and it’s nearing midnight for Simon in London, but he’d been hoping for _something_. The last text he’d received was from almost an hour ago, and Bram figures Simon’s fallen asleep.

He opens the phone app and goes to his voicemails. He usually clears out the ones he doesn’t need, though there aren’t many. He has a few he’s saved from his mom, for when he’s feeling particularly homesick late at night as he studies. There’s one from Emily and Jack, who had called him on his birthday last year and rambled on about how proud they were of him, and how glad they were that their son had fallen in love with him. He’s listened to that one only one other time, when he’d played it for Simon to hear.

The rest are from Simon, from random moments when Simon had called him to tell him something important, or ramble on as he walked home late at night, or that one time he’d been drunk at a cast party and had rambled on until the voicemail had just cut him off. Bram has a few favorites, ones that he listens to regularly when he’s feeling stressed. He scrolls through until he finds one of the very first voicemails, from a few years ago. He taps on it and puts his phone up to his ear, closing his eyes. He could recite this voicemail from memory.

_Hi babe. You just dropped me off at the train station, and I’ve been staring at the space where your Lyft was for a solid minute and I feel like crying. I know it’s only been five minutes, but I miss you. I miss your hand in mine, I miss the feeling of your thigh pressed against mine, I miss the sound of your breathing right now because you’re still a little stuffy from that cold, I miss the smell of that spot on your neck where my nose presses when I hide my face there. I know it’ll only be another three or so weeks until we see each other again, and I can experience all of those things, but that also means it’s another three weeks until I see you again, and I hate that. I can’t wait until we’re living together, anywhere in the world. I don’t care, I’ll follow you wherever you go, and I can spend all of my free time with you. I dream about the day I’m not hours away from you. Distance is homophobic, I’ve decided. I know you won’t argue with me on that. Anyway… I love you, so very much, and I hope your Lyft driver isn’t as weird as that one from last time._

Bram smiles as the message stops, and he pulls his phone away from his ear and places it face down on his chest, closing his eyes. It had been their first visit after college started, and Bram had never realized how lucky they’d been through high school.

His phone buzzes in his hand, like someone’s calling him, and he picks it up to stare at the screen. Simon’s contact picture stares back at him, and his stomach swoops as he hits the accept button. It takes a moment, and then Simon’s face appears on his screen, a little blurry. Bram’s never found him more beautiful.

“Are you in my room?” Simon says when Bram doesn’t say anything right away, and Bram laughs as he sits up, scratching the back of his neck.

“I am, actually. It’s mine now, I’m moving in,” Bram replies, and Simon’s eyebrows come together. He’s smiling though, and the picture becomes clearer after a moment, and that’s when Bram recognizes Simon’s surroundings.

“Are you… are you in a hallway?” Bram asks, and Simon ducks his head. There’s a lot of noise and then Simon’s back in view, leaning against a wall.

“I’m in one of the stairwells. I didn’t want to wake up my roommate,” he says, and Bram’s eyes soften.

“It’s like, after midnight. What are you doing awake? Don’t you have a long day tomorrow?” Bram scoots back until he’s against the headboard, pulling one of the pillows into his lap.

“I do, but I missed you.”

Bram smiles at that, a little watery as his eyes betray him. There’s a lump in his throat, and he notices that Simon’s eyes look a little sad too.

“I miss you, too,” Bram replies, the words slightly choked. Simon reaches up and presses two fingers to his mouth, and Bram mimics the gesture.

“Is that why you’re at my house?” Simon asks after he drops his hand back into his lap, and Bram nods.

“Your mom also invited me over,” he says, and Simon chuckles.

“My dad texted me to tell me that she’s been walking around the house looking bereft all day,” he says, and Bram huffs.

“I know the feeling,” he says under his breath, before he can hold it back, and Simon frowns.

“Bram,” he says, but Bram shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, I know. I just – I miss you, a lot, and I’m still getting over the fact that we aren’t together. It’s taking me awhile,” he says quickly, not looking at his phone. Simon sighs softly.

“I know I ruined our plans, and I still feel guilty about that, but I already have like, seven gifts for you stashed away in my bag,” Simon says, and Bram looks at him then. Simon’s never been able to mask his genuine emotions well, at least not when it came to Bram.

“I’ll work through it,” he says, and Simon smiles sadly at him. He doesn’t hate it as much as when Nora and Emily had given him the same smile.

“Must’ve been big plans,” he says, and Bram thinks about the little black box shoved into his carry on, the plan he’d pieced together recently, something he’s been sitting on. He shrugs.

“Any plan involving you, me, and some alone time is a big plan,” he says, and Simon laughs. He yawns, hiding his open mouth behind his hand, and Bram feels guilty.

“You should go to sleep, babe,” Bram says, and Simon pouts. Bram thinks about kissing that pout away. He hates that he can’t.

“I know.”

They’re quiet for a moment, the thousands of miles between them feeling infinitely wider. Bram wishes, selfishly, that science would finally figure out that teleportation thing.

“I love you,” Bram says after a moment, and he watches Simon’s face soften, his sleepy eyes nearly closing as he smiles.

“I absolutely love you,” Simon replies, and Bram lets the warmth wash over him. He knows there’s more time, plenty of opportunities to ask, and as Simon blinks sleepily at him, he lets himself create a new plan.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :(( 
> 
> next chapter is twenty-six on the prompt list. also, for anyone who’s keeping up, i have a new long oneshot au idea that i’m going to start here in the next few days!!!


	9. broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘teenage’ rating. angst, but with a solid ending.

  1. **Broken, as you clutch the sleeve of my jacket and beg me not to leave**



New York is cold in February, and Simon pulls his jacket tighter around his neck as he gets off the train. He already has a Lyft ordered, and he heads to the street to wait for the driver. He looks at his texts again and frowns, looking at the time stamp on the last text he’d received from Bram.

As he stands outside, head ducked against the cold, he pulls up his message thread with one of the few friends Bram’s made at Columbia. Simon’s met Micah many times, on numerous trips, and he thinks that he’s someone Bram will keep in contact with after they graduate. Bram had met him his first year, and when they’d realized they were both going to be applying to the law program after graduating, they’d stayed close friends.

_ Simon: hey, have you heard from Bram today? _

Simon shoves his phone back in his pocket as his Lyft arrives. The car is blessedly warm, and Simon exchanges quick pleasantries with the driver before they head back out into the traffic. Simon knows exactly how long the drive will be, has been doing this now for almost three years, so he pulls his phone back out and looks at Micah’s reply.

_ Micah: he’s been holed up in the library all day, getting ready for his admissions interview. you know how he gets _

Simon chews on his bottom lip, his stomach rolling as he stares off into the distance ahead of him. If Bram’s really been in the library all day, Simon’s not sure how their weekend is going to go. He sends off a quick reply, thanking Micah before he types out a message to Bram.

_ Simon: i’m going to your place. Micah says you’ve been in the library all day. please come home for a bit _

He doesn’t like to ask, feels like he’s begging for something that should just be a given, and as the car pulls up outside Bram’s building, Simon swallows thickly. He thanks the driver and gets out, jogging up the sidewalk and using the code to get in.

Bram moved off campus after his junior year, in with another one of his friends that was going into the law program. Simon had felt a little intimidated at first, being around so many Ivy League geniuses, but he’d quickly realized they were all a bunch of hilarious nerds who played  _ Settlers of Catan  _ in their down time and watched really bad television shows.

Simon uses his key to get in and smiles when he sees Zach sitting on the couch. Zach smiles at him, pulling out a headphone.

“Simon, it’s good to see you! Maybe you can finally get Bram out of the library,” he says, and Simon’s stomach sinks again.

“How long has he been there?” he asks, setting down his backpack and shaking out his hair. He kicks off his shoes by the front door, pushing them until they’re in line with the others, and sheds his jacket. Zach’s counting on his fingers, and Simon makes his way over to his favorite spot on the Ikea chair Zach had found for free.

“Uh, going on at least twelve hours. I don’t know why he’s freaking out so much. He got a 175 on his LSAT, his grades are perfect, and he’s already interning at a firm. He’s practically a shoo-in,” Zach says, brushing his hair out of his eyes. Simon hums, pulling his knees up to his chest as he soaks in the warmth of the apartment.

“Do you think he’s eaten today?” Simon asks, and Zach laughs.

“You already know the answer to that question. I’ve been trying to text him to get him home for a while now, and all I’ve gotten is radio silence.”

Simon swallows, hoping that Zach doesn’t pick up on the nerves in Simon’s posture.

“I texted him when I was on my way over. I’m hoping he caves,” Simon mumbles, and Zach stands up. He places a reassuring hand on Simon’s shoulder as he passes into the kitchen.

“If there’s anyone that can get him out of that library, it’s you, Spier.”

\---

Simon’s laying face down on Bram’s bed when the apartment door opens. Simon looks over his shoulder out Bram’s door into the hallway, his stomach back in knots. Zach had left about an hour ago, and Simon can’t tell if it’s him coming home or Bram. Sitting up, he places his feet on the floor as he listens. A shadow crosses the doorway and then Simon’s stomach swoops as Bram enters the doorway, his arms full of books. His face looks tight, his eyes are sunken, and when he smiles at Simon, it doesn’t meet his eyes.

“Hey,” he says, crossing the threshold and dropping his books on his desk. He slips his backpack off his shoulder, every line in his body tense, and Simon stands up slowly. Bram doesn’t move from the desk, his hand hovering on his backpack strap, almost like he wants to leave again, so Simon walks across the room and quietly shuts the door.

“Hi,” Simon breathes as he walks into Bram’s space, wrapping his arms around Bram from behind him, burying his face in the back of Bram’s neck. The tension doesn’t leave his body, even as Bram brings a hand up to grip one of the arms that’s wrapped around his middle.

They don’t say anything, and Simon tries to push away the anxieties swirling in his stomach, steadies himself when he realizes that this is going to be a conversation that makes him feel incredibly off balance. When Bram doesn’t relax in his hold, Simon lets him go and moves over to the bed, sitting back down. It’s bigger than Bram’s dorm bed, thankfully, and a lot more supportive. Simon moves until he’s sitting cross legged in the middle of the bed, his hands clasped in his lap. Bram turns and sits down at his desk chair, his eyes on the floor.

“Bram,” Simon intones, willing himself more strength than he possesses. He pats the bed and Bram walks over to him, sitting down rigidly. Simon hasn’t seen him like this since he took the LSAT, but he’d had other friends to bounce off of, and Simon had missed most of the stress meltdowns. Zach and Micah had detailed them all to Simon when he’d asked, the weekend Simon had come to visit and he’d gotten Bram to finally fall asleep. 

“Babe, talk to me,” Simon finally says, never one to be able to sit through prolonged silences. Bram lets out a little sigh, the in Simon needs, and Simon reaches over to grasp his hand.

“I need to get back,” Bram says, sounding far away, and Simon audibly balks. Bram turns to look at him, and Simon hates the look on his face.

“Babe, no offense, but there’s no way I’m letting you go back to the library tonight,” Simon says, and Bram’s eyebrows come together slightly.

“I need to go over my marks again,” he says, almost automatically. There’s something in his voice, like he’s teetering between coherence and an absolute breakdown.

“Bram, Micah and Zach say you’ve been at the library all day. You need to eat. Eating keeps your brain working. You need rest, otherwise you won’t be able to retain anything you’re going over.” Simon’s said all of these words before and he hates the pleading tone of his voice. Bram pulls his hand away and stands up, moving over to the desk. Every move he makes is stiff, like it’s automatic, and his hands grip the edges of his giant law anthology he’s been carrying now for two years.

“I  _ need _ to keep revising.”

It’s a dismissal, and Simon feels it right in his chest. He shakes his head as he stands, walking over and gently pulling at Bram’s hands. His fingers finally release the book and Simon pulls him until he gives in and moves towards the bed. He doesn’t let Simon pull him down though, stands in between Simon’s legs and stares at the wall above Simon’s head.

“Bram,  _ talk to me _ ,” Simon says again, his voice quieter this time. Bram blinks, the movement slow, as though it takes more strength than Bram’s body has left.

“It’s nothing,” Bram says after a moment, and Simon clicks the back of his teeth. Bram’s hands flex in his.

“It’s obviously not nothing,” Simon says, letting go of one of Bram’s hands to slip a hand under his sweatshirt, squeezing his hip gently.

“I don’t… you wouldn’t understand,” Bram says, and Simon rolls his eyes.

“I can’t if you don’t give me a chance,” he replies, almost bitterly, and Bram pulls away from him then, moving across the room towards the window. He stops and turns on his heel, finally looking at Simon. His eyes are unfocused.

“I just – I can’t stop now. I have to make sure this is perfect,” he starts, his voice suddenly louder than a whisper. “I can’t – it’s different, it’s so much work getting into law school and if I don’t do everything I can now to make sure I make it in, I’ll never forgive myself. This is my dream, Simon, you know that, and I can’t not… do everything in my power to get it.”

“Bram, I know that,” Simon starts, but Bram’s shaking his head.

“It’s easier for Micah and Zach, in ways they and you don’t understand — it’s not easy for someone like me. It’s ten times more difficult, there’s so much added pressure, and it’s an in-person interview, Simon. There’s nothing I can do to hide who I am,” Bram continues, and Simon’s staring at him as he tries to piece together what he’s saying.

“And this is the fucking Ivy League, it’s not like high school where it’s easy to be the best, easy to have the highest marks and be the valedictorian, which everyone here is. It’s a school of kids with grades as good as mine, but with a wealth of more opportunities than I could ever dream of, just by being who they are and it’s not something you could understand.”

It finally clicks, in Simon’s mind, and he’s thrown back to the fight Morgan and Leah had in senior year, the conversation he’d had with Bram about it back then. He looks up and watches as Bram runs a ragged hand down his face, letting out a long breath, and he gets what his boyfriend’s trying to say.

“Bram, I get it -”

“No.” Bram cuts him off. “Simon, you’re the epitome of white. You can’t understand my race issues.”

“Stop that,” Simon snaps, suddenly feeling angry. He looks up at Bram, who’s staring down at him with wide eyes, and he stands. “Stop acting like I can’t empathize with you. Bram, it’s my fucking job to understand the things you’re going through, and you’re not giving me a chance.”

“You can’t – there’s no possible way for you to  _ understand  _ what it  _ feels _ like to be one of maybe ten black kids going for a spot in the law program, Simon. This isn’t like your education classes, where you get to do art and talk about your feelings. I have to have at least ten cases memorized at all times, there’s three essays due next week alone, and my interview is going to be by four white guys who look down on all of my amazing accomplishments just because I’m black!”

Simon stares at him from across the room, hot tears in his eyes. He felt every single one of those words like a slap, and he refuses to let his shoulders shrink in now. In the moment Simon takes to compose himself, Bram’s face crumbles a bit as his words catch up to him, and he fish mouths a bit.

“Okay.” Simon moves over to the bed, grabbing his backpack off the floor. He hears Bram moving behind him, but he doesn’t come close.

“Simon,” Bram says, but Simon shakes his head as he slings his backpack over his shoulder, refusing to look up.

“I’m going to go stay with Alice,” he says sharply, and he feels the air in the room grow colder as he heads towards the door. His hand is almost on the doorknob when something catches his sweatshirt. He stops and looks down to see Bram, holding onto his sleeve, eyes wide.

“Simon, please, I’m sorry. Don’t go, please,” he chokes out, pulling on Simon gently. Simon doesn’t move, his feet planted to the ground, his mouth set in a thin line. Bram lets out a shaky breath. “Please. I love you.  _ Please _ .”

Simon follows the tug this time, stumbling slightly into Bram’s space. Bram pulls at his backpack, setting it down near the desk, not touching Simon anymore. They stand there, silent in the middle of Bram’s room, their argument hanging over them like an angry cloud.

“That was uncalled for,” Simon says quietly, and Bram nods quickly, finally reaching out and touching Simon’s arm.

“I know. I shouldn’t have implied your education courses are easy when I know, I’ve listened to you go on about the stress,” Bram replies softly, his thumb sweeping over the fabric at Simon’s elbow.

“And you know, you  _ know _ I’m not ignorant to racial bias and how much harder it is for you, Bram. We’ve been dating for almost five years now. I know there’s so much I can’t know, not the way you do, but I try to understand and be a good ally.”

Bram nods, his eyes beginning to look a little wet. He slides his hand up Simon’s arm until it’s slipping around his side, and Simon lets Bram pull him into his arms.

“You do, and you’re a great ally. I’m – it’s no excuse but I’m very stressed and beyond tired,” Bram says, and Simon huffs against his neck.

“It is no excuse,” he mumbles, and Bram’s hand moves up and down his back.

“I know. I am truly, deeply sorry. Misdirected anger, or something like that,” Bram says into his ear, his voice soft and full of emotion. Simon reaches up, pushing Bram back slightly so they can see each other’s faces. Bram’s eyelashes are damp, but Simon’s still a little mad.

“Bram.” He pushes on Bram again, until they’re falling onto the bed in a pile of limbs. Simon moves so they’re laying side by side, and Bram reaches out so he’s touching Simon’s side. “I need you to understand something, because if you’re going to be like this for three years of law school, I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to handle it.”

Bram swallows but doesn’t say anything, waiting for Simon to piece together his thoughts.

“No matter what happens in our lives, I’ll always be there to support you. Because I’m your friend, as much as I’m your boyfriend. I’ll always want you to explain what you’re feeling, let me in so I can empathize and carry a bit of the weight you shoulder. I want to be a source of comfort when you’re like this, but if you take out your anger with the world on me, I can’t be any of those things for you.”

Simon reaches up, his fingers dancing along Bram’s jaw as he goes to cup Bram’s face. There’s tears spilling over both of their eyes now, and Bram’s chewing on his bottom lip, hard. He releases it from between his teeth, and Simon can see the indent before Bram speaks.

“You’re right, and I should never do that. I’m sorry I did,” he whispers, the words filling the space between them. “I should never, ever use you as my emotional punching bag when I’m mad at the world, that’s not fair. I promise you, I’ll do better.”

“You should promise me you’ll let others in and help you when you’re stressed,” Simon interrupts, and Bram closes his mouth slowly before he nods.

“I promise,” Bram starts, bringing his hand up to rest on Simon’s chest. “To let people in and help me when I’m spiraling.”

He crosses an ‘x’ over Simon’s sweatshirt, and Simon’s lips tick up slightly.

“Then I accept your apology,” Simon whispers, and Bram’s eyes flick down to his lips. Simon smiles as an answer, and Bram tilts his head in to kiss Simon gently.

“I love you, Bram,” Simon says when their lips slide apart, and Bram wraps his arms around Simon’s torso, pulling him in close. They breathe in together, their bodies relaxing into the mattress. Bram opens his mouth to speak when his stomach suddenly makes a noise, and the moment breaks as Simon giggles.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was... like i knew it would be hard to write because it’s a fight but man it was hard. i wanted to write something realistic, because with their level of communication, simple dumb fights are less likely to happen. these are the kind of arguments you end up having. 
> 
> next chapter is number nineteen on the prompt list and it’s :)


	10. with no space.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘explicit’ rating for sexual content. exceptional fluff.

  1. **With no space left between us**



“You don’t have _any_ furniture?”

Simon looks up at Bram from where he’s sitting on the floor, surrounded by piles of clothes. His glasses are slipping down his nose, and he reaches up to push them in against his face before he huffs and responds.

“No, Marcy had all the furniture when I moved into my old place,” he replies, throwing a pair of jeans at Bram’s ass, missing spectacularly. Bram laughs, bending to grab the jeans off the floor and fold them. He places them on top of the dresser that’s next to the closet, where he’s hanging up Simon’s formal clothes next to his own. Another happy thrill runs through his body, a small smile blooming on his face.

“Not even the bed?” Bram asks, turning around to walk over to where Simon sits, plopping down next to him. He leans back on his hands, crossing his ankles in front of him, and doesn’t miss the way Simon’s eyes travel from his feet all the way up to his face before he answers.

“I borrowed.” Simon shrugs, and Bram rolls his eyes.

“That’s why you love my bed so much; you borrowed an uncomfortable mattress,” he says, pointing an accusatory finger in Simon’s direction. Simon drops the shirt he’s folding and reaches out to take Bram’s finger in his hand, slowly moving his hand up until their fingers are laced together.  

“Did you ever stop to think I love your bed so much because of who occupies it?” Simon says softly, his eyes warm behind his glasses, and Bram brings his free hand to his chin, pretending to think. Simon rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling.

“No, you like it because it’s the comfiest bed around,” Bram teases, but he leans forward and presses his lips to Simon’s gently. He pulls back, and Simon reaches up to pull him back in, though it’s still soft and unhurried. They have all the time in the world.

“Do we have to put all of the clothes away tonight? It’s our first night living in the same city in four years! We should be celebrating!” Simon says, waggling his eyebrows, and Bram laughs.

“If we put everything away tonight, we won’t have to get out of bed tomorrow,” Bram says as a promise, and Simon seems to seriously consider that before nodding.

“Okay, help me fold.”

The process is much smoother once Simon’s paying attention, and Bram laughs to himself a few times about how all he had to do was promise Simon an entire day cuddled in bed for him to focus on a task. By the time the last of Simon’s button up shirts are hanging on the left side of the closet, sorted by color, and all his jeans and regular shirts are in the left side of the dresser, Simon’s eyes are beginning to look a little heavy and his movements have slowed. Bram hauls Simon to his feet, brushing a hand across his cheek with a smile.

“What happened to all of that energy from earlier?” Bram teases softly, and Simon rolls his eyes at him.

“I’ll get my second wind,” Simon says with a wink, and Bram shakes his head. Wrapping an arm around Simon’s waist, he pulls Simon into his arms and sways them to the music. He vaguely registers the song as something by _The Beach Boys_ , and he smiles as Simon clasps their hands together and rests them on Bram’s chest.

“Is this what living together is? Dancing?” Simon asks quietly after a moment, and Bram hums.

“Mom always said it was just a lot of eating. Actually, she said that’s marriage. Just eating,” he jokes, and Simon laughs softly against his neck.

“That’s all dating is. Eating food, a little fucking, then more food.”

Bram laughs, loudly, and Simon pulls his face out of Bram’s neck to watch him as he shakes his head. Simon’s grinning, from ear to ear, his face a little pink.

“We do more than just eat and fuck,” Bram says around a laugh, and Simon’s grin morphs into a soft smile.

“Yeah… maybe that’s how straight people date then,” he rationalizes, and Bram nods. He presses his nose to Simon’s cheek, Simon’s glasses digging into Bram’s face as he presses their foreheads together.

“Let’s get ready for bed,” Bram says, and Simon’s face lights up.

“Do you realize,” he starts as he breaks away from Bram and heads towards the bathroom, Bram following behind him, “that this is the beginning of the rest of our lives?”

“This? Right now?” Bram asks, his stomach an entire observatory of butterflies. His mind goes, unbidden, to the black box shoved in his nightstand, that he should probably find a better hiding place for now that it’s Simon’s nightstand too.

“You know what I mean. For the foreseeable future, this is where we’ll be. This is it,” Simon says, his voice going soft around the consonants, his body coming to rest against the vanity. Bram grabs their toothbrushes and places Simon’s in his hand with a soft smile.

They already have a nightly routine, created years ago during their first year of college, and they work around each other to brush their teeth, wash their faces, and strip off their clothes. Simon’s already under the covers when Bram finally closes the door and shuts off the overhead light, letting the lamp he found at a yard sale in Queens bask the room in a soft glow. He stops at the edge of the bed, his body unmoving as he stares down at Simon, lying flat on his back like a starfish, a soft smile on his face.

“You’re a little blurry right now, so I can’t see your face, but I’m assuming by the faint lines I _can_ see that you’re smiling,” Simon whispers, but it carries through the quiet room and Bram hums. He places his knee on the bed, crawling over until he’s boxing Simon in with his hands and knees, hovering above the blankets. Simon brings his hands up to touch his bare chest, his fingers dancing across Bram’s skin.

“There you are,” Simon says softly, bending up just enough to kiss Bram’s chin.

“There _you_ are,” Bram repeats, bringing one of his hands over to cup Simon’s cheek. Simon leans into the contact, his eyes shutting and a happy sigh escaping his lips.

“Get under the blankets, silly.” Simon kicks at the blankets, pushing them down until Bram pulls them all the way back, smiling down at Simon’s bare chest. He lays down in the space Simon’s left him and pulls the blanket back up to their chins, scooting over until their bodies are pressed together, not an inch of space between them. It’s only then that Bram lets himself say what he’s been thinking all day.

“I can’t believe we’re living together,” Bram mumbles against Simon’s cheek, pressing his lips there when he’s not talking. Simon makes a happy noise in the back of his throat.

“It’s been a long time coming,” Simon whispers into the space right behind Bram’s ear before he presses a kiss there. Simon takes Bram’s earlobe between his teeth, and Bram lets out a soft gasp. It’s infinitely warmer under the blanket suddenly, and Bram lets Simon roll him onto his back, Simon’s legs moving to straddle Bram’s hips. The blanket stays up around Simon’s shoulders and Bram reaches up to push it off as he feels sweat break out on his skin.

“We have all the time in the world,” Simon says as he lowers his lips to Bram’s, and a part of Bram marvels at his own thoughts from earlier being repeated to him by his favorite person in the world, but then Simon’s working his mouth open and his brain stops.

Sliding his hands up Simon’s thighs and around to grab his ass, Bram pushes up into the kiss as he pulls Simon’s hips down until they’re pressed together. Simon groans in the back of his throat, his hands coming up to cup Bram’s face as his hips twitch involuntarily.

Simon breaks the kiss as Bram moves his hands up under Simon’s boxers, his hands coming into contact with bare skin. Simon’s hard now, against Bram, and he whines high in his throat as Bram kisses down the length of his neck towards his collarbones.

“Not – not fair,” Simon chokes out, pushing against Bram’s hands, hips stuttering forward. Bram moans then as well, the friction sending excited thrills up his spine. The fabric is thin between them, their chests pressed together, slick with sweat, and Bram brings his knees up, so his feet are flat on the bed. He takes one hand off Simon to wind his arm around Simon’s back, holding him there against his chest, their hips moving together.

“I love you,” Bram whispers as he runs his tongue along the line of Simon’s jaw, much more defined now that they’re in their 20s. It helps that Simon had nailed down a running schedule at Haverford, and most of his baby fat has disappeared. All but the little bit that still sticks over the tops of his jeans at his hips, that Bram’s glad hasn’t disappeared yet.

“Oh my god,” Simon croaks out as a response, his forehead against Bram’s neck as their dicks rub together through their boxers, pressed up against their hips. Simon whines as Bram digs his fingers into Simon’s ass, his fingernails digging into Bram’s shoulders.

“Bram,” Simon says breathlessly, his legs pressing into Bram’s hips, his thigh muscles shaking as his orgasm builds. Bram runs his fingernails down Simons back and he smiles as Simon keens in his ear.

“God, you’re so – fuck,” Bram grits through his teeth, his head pressing back into the pillows as Simon’s mouth attaches to his neck. It’s been months since the last time they had sex, and it had been quick mutual blowjobs at the graduation party one of Simon’s program friends had thrown off campus. Bram feels hot all over at the feeling of Simon shaking on top of him, their hips moving in a quickening rhythm against each other.

“Bram – _please_ ,” Simon begs mindlessly, his hands sliding down Bram’s sides, trying to find purchase.

“What do you need, Simon, tell me.” Bram pulls on Simon’s hair and Simon goes willingly, letting Bram attach his lips to the skin of Simon’s jaw. Simon’s breathing out little noises, his hands gripping the sheet tightly.

“ _Anything_ ,” Simon gasps out before Bram kisses him hard. Simon has just enough brain power to kiss back and make it somewhat good, but even if he didn’t, Bram wouldn’t mind. He takes Simon’s bottom lip between his teeth and bites down gently. Simon’s hips lose their rhythm for a beat.

“Lift up,” Bram manages to say before he’s reaching between them, pushing down Simon’s boxers enough that his dick slips out, smearing against Bram’s hips. Simon gasps, one of his hands reaching down and pulling Bram free from his boxers as well.

“Oh, _yes_ ,” Simon moans into Bram’s neck as Bram wraps a hand around both of them. Pressing his head back into the pillow, Bram lets out a low groan as Simon thrusts into his hand. He still has one arm up around Simon’s back, holding him to his chest, and Bram uses that hand to pull at Simon’s hair until their foreheads are pressed together, their lips just barely touching as they breathe heavily.

“Simon,” Bram gasps out, his voice higher than usual, and Simon’s thighs shake. He brings his arms up on either side of Bram’s head, his fingers digging into Bram’s hair.

“I love you,” Simon gasps out before his body shudders, and then his eyes squeeze shut as he comes, all over their stomachs. Bram’s hips move in the absence of friction, and he comes with a low moan, his fingers digging into Simon’s shoulder, their mouths open against each other.

“Bram,” Simon whimpers softly, and Bram’s already moving, wrapping both of his arms around his boyfriend and turning them onto their sides, letting Simon bury his face in Bram’s neck. Bram presses kisses to any skin he can reach, and Simon shakes in his arms as he comes down from his orgasm.

“I love you,” Bram says again when he feels Simon’s lips against his collarbone.

“Yeah, yeah,” Simon huffs out around a small laugh, pushing himself back so he can look up at Bram. With a practiced tenderness, Bram runs his fingers up Simon’s cheek into his hair, pushing it off his face. Simon’s eyes go a little glassy, like they always do when Bram’s being physically affectionate.

“Yeah, yeah.” Bram traces his fingers down around Simon’s ear, along his jawline, up over his lips, and eventually settling on his cheekbones.

“I’m going to marry you someday.” The filter between Bram’s brain and his mouth doesn’t seem to be working, because he doesn’t catch the words before they’re out there, hanging between them. He fights against every fight or flight instinct he has as Simon’s orgasm hazy brain processes the word.

“So marry me,” Simon challenges, and Bram knows the moment he’s flashing back to. Letting go of Simon, Bram turns over onto his back, vaguely registering that they need to wipe the mess off their stomachs, and reaches into the nightstand. He fumbles around until his hands find the little black box, Simon propping himself up on his elbow as he waits. When Bram turns back over, leaning up on his elbow to mirror Simon’s pose, Simon gasps.

“Bram – what?”

“This wasn’t my original plan.” He smiles sheepishly at Simon, shrugging his free shoulder. “You seem to have a way of… ruining my best-laid plans. My original plan was to propose last year, over spring break. Or, there was some intent.”

“And then I went to London,” Simon says softly, his eyes glued to the box in Bram’s hand.

“You went to London. And I couldn’t even tell you why I was so upset, because I didn’t want to give anything away. And then my next vague plan was sometime around your graduation, but there was never a time…” Bram trails off, and Simon reaches over to touch the hand that’s gripping the box tightly.

“Until now,” Simon supplies, and Bram swallows.

“I guess so.” Bram opens the box, revealing the simple ring he’d found at a shop one day while wandering around the city. Simon’s staring at it with an open mouth, his eyes a little watery, so Bram picks the ring out of the box.

“I know it isn’t… there isn’t a diamond or a jewel or anything, but I found this and a matching one in this little shop, and I don’t even care if they aren’t real, they called to me,” Bram rambles as he moves the ring between his fingers. It’s a simple gold band, with some engravings that look like little stars.

“I love it,” Simon breathes out, shifting on his elbow so his left hand is free for Bram to grab. Bram sits up instead, pulling Simon up with him, both of them pushing their boxers down their legs. Simon uses his to wipe at the mess on his stomach, and Bram follows his lead, both of them throwing the dirty clothes towards the hamper. They sit cross-legged, their knees touching.

“Yeah?” Bram’s voice is quieter than a whisper, and Simon’s nodding his head.

“Bram… you bought me a ring. You bought us matching rings. Are they going to fit?”

“Mine does… I’m going on a prayer yours does,” Bram says, and Simon reaches up to wipe the tears off his cheeks.

“Where is yours?”

Bram opens the box again, pulling the holder up and revealing another gold band, in the same fashion as Simon’s, except instead of little stars, there are leaves.

“I – I’m speechless,” Simon says as he twists Bram’s band between his fingers.

“Hopefully not all the way, because,” Bram starts, taking a deep breath before looking up at Simon’s smiling face. “Simon, I – I don’t have enough words to describe how much I love you.”

Simon’s eyes fill with more tears, but his smile never wavers. Bram takes a deep breath before he continues.

“I once wrote about the oceans between people, and how the whole point of everything is to find a shore worth swimming to. And at the time, it seemed like the dumbest thing I’d ever said, and I regretted it a little. I think I even apologized in one of our emails. But looking back, looking at the past five years, I just… no part of me thought I’d be here. No part of me thought I’d not only find a shore, but a home. I never thought I’d find a person to fight the waves for. But I did. I found you, you found me, and I’m so – I’m so thankful to have you in my life. I can’t…” he trails off, taking a deep breath against the tears in his eyes and the lump in his throat. He feels naked in a whole other way, and he focuses on the feeling of the ring in his palm.

“I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t imagine who I’d be today without you by my side. I never want to be in a place where you aren’t right there next to me on the shore, holding my hand. Simon, I love you, far more than words can encapsulate, and I want to make sure I spend every single day of the rest of my life making sure you know that. Will – will you marry me?”

Simon lets out a sound that’s halfway between a laugh and a sob, his hands coming up to his face to cover his eyes for a second. He’s still smiling when he looks at Bram again.

“On one condition,” Simon says, and Bram’s eyebrows twitch. He tilts his head and Simon takes in a steadying breath.

“I always want to be the shore you can rest on. I always want to be there to lift some of the weight off your shoulders. I always want to show you how much you mean to me, because it’s a lot, and I don’t think there’s enough hours in the day. I once wrote in a letter that, even if they shot me out onto the moon, I’d find my way to you, and I wasn’t lying. I’ll always find my way back to you. You’re the constant in all of my variables, and I know I’m stepping on your speech here, but I want to spend every single day of the rest of my life making sure you know how much I love you. So, I’ll marry you, but only if you’ll marry me.”

Bram’s lips sputter as he laughs, tears spilling over his eyes as he blinks at Simon. They’re both smiling at each other, and Bram opens his hand and picks up the ring. He reaches for Simon’s left hand, fingers trembling slightly as he slides the ring into place. It’s an almost perfect fit, and Bram thinks that’s the universe telling him something.

Simon takes his left hand and places it on his knee. He slides the ring down Bram’s ring finger until it’s in the right spot, his fingers trembling too.

“You have to say yes,” Bram says, and Simon’s body shakes as he laughs. His cheeks are glistening with tears, and Bram knows he looks the same.

“Of course, yes. Always yes. One-hundred and ten percent yes,” Simon says, and Bram reaches over to press their lips together. It’s not the best kiss because they’re both on the verge of crying, but it’s something.

“Then yes. Forever yes. I’ll marry you,” Bram says after a moment, and then Simon’s kissing him again despite the sobs that are bubbling up out of his chest, and Bram wraps his arms around Simon’s body as they both start to laugh happily.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) there Simon goes again, ruining Bram’s best laid plans huh
> 
> quick thank you for the kind words on the last chapter. i was hesitant about writing the argument but i didn’t want to write an entire series of only the good moments when all relationships have some kind of lows. 
> 
> next chapter is number fifteen on the prompt list! i bet you can’t guess what scene it’s going to be haha /sarcasm


	11. loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. lots of additional characters.

  1. **Loud, so everyone can hear**



The backyard is an explosion of red, white, and blue everything. Bieber is wearing an American flag bandana, running after the ball as Garrett throws it from the backyard into the front, where Alice and Theo are sitting in the grass, watching in amusement. Abby is wearing a giant bedazzled bow on her head, held in place by bobby pins and determination. Even Leah’s wearing light-up sunglasses, which she refuses to let Simon wear, if only for a moment to take a selfie.

Bram’s sitting in a lawn chair by himself, a bright colored drink in one hand, the other holding Simon’s. His eyes are closed behind his sunglasses, a mixture of the alcohol and the sun lulling him into a peaceful calm. Simon’s in a chair next to his, talking with Nora where she’s sitting at his feet in the grass. They’re keeping their voices down, trying to let Bram rest.

“I don’t know if Alice even wants to get married though,” Simon says as he takes another sip of his drink, and Nora rolls her eyes.

“We used to talk about it all the time! She’d go on about her dress and what kind of cake she wanted me to bake. I feel like Theo is the one who doesn’t want to get married.” Nora’s voice is a little bitter, and Bram turns his head towards them, opening his eyes. Simon looks over at him even though Bram barely made a noise, and smiles.

“Feeling alright there?” Nora asks, and Bram sticks his tongue out at her.

“Aren’t you like, going to law school or something? Isn’t sticking your tongue out a little immature?” Nora teases, and Simon chuckles softly, his thumb moving over Bram’s skin.

“You’re both children,” Simon admonishes, and Bram laughs at that as he sits up straighter.

“Do you really think Alice would give up her dream of a wedding for someone?” Bram asks instead of responding to Simon, and Nora takes a sip of the wine cooler Simon had bought her as a joke. 

“Maybe, but who knows.” Simon shrugs, glancing at Bram. They share a smile, and Nora pretends to stick her finger in her throat.

“God, I can’t imagine how you two will be when you’re engaged, or worse, married,” Nora says as she stands, downing the rest of her drink before walking away from them. Simon and Bram wait until she’s out of earshot to laugh, smiling at each other softly.

“What do you think she’s going to do when we tell everyone?” Simon asks, and Bram shrugs. It had been Simon’s idea to wait until they saw everyone to break the news, talking about wanting to see his parents’ reaction in person. Bram had confessed he’d talked to his dad about it at some point, so he wouldn’t be terribly surprised.

“When are we going to tell them?” Bram asks, thinking of the ring that is tucked away in its box, upstairs in Simon’s old bedroom.

“Probably before my mom is too drunk, she’ll never forgive us if she’s wasted when we tell her.” Simon chuckles, and Bram nods. He looks out across the grass to where Emily is standing, tucked up under Jack’s arm as Jack turns the meats on the grill. The sun is still high in the sky, and it’ll be hours until it’s dark and they can start setting off fireworks.

“How do we tell them?” Bram asks, and Simon laughs again.

“Why are you asking me? You think I just have this speech prepared?”

“You think I do?” Bram teases, taking a long pull from his drink. He can see Simon’s eyes behind his sunglasses, staring at Bram’s lips wrapped around his straw. Bram tilts his head down enough for Simon to see his eyes and winks.

“We can do it when everyone’s gathered to eat, otherwise we’d have to get everyone into one place for no real reason,” Simon suggests, and Bram smiles as he reaches the bottom of his drink, moving the straw around the bottom of the glass to get the last of the liquid. Simon winces at the sucking sound, and Bram stops.

“My mom’s going to cry,” Bram says after a moment, and Simon squeezes his hand.

“My dad’s going to cry.”

Bram tilts his head back as he laughs, letting his neck loll to the side so he can look at Simon’s smiling face. Their eyes meet as Bram’s laughter dies out, and they smile at each other.

“You boys need some water?” Emily calls over to them, and Simon turns to look at his mother with a closed mouth smile.

“Only if it comes out of a bottle and not from one of those water balloons I saw you and Nora working on earlier,” Simon replies, and Bram turns his head in time to see Emily pout, her hands behind her back.

“Aw, honey,” Emily starts, and Bram laughs as Simon lets go of his hand, jumping up out of his chair.

“Mom, no!” Simon yells as Emily whips her arm around and lets the water balloon fly. Bram laughs in his chair, his hands up on his chest, until a balloon hits him in the leg, and he looks over to see Nora standing nearby, a smirk on her face.

“That’s unfair, I don’t have anything to throw in return!” Bram yells as he stands up, a little dizzy on his feet, and runs after Nora, who screams as she runs off toward the front of the house.

A tub-full of water balloons later, Bram flops down onto the grass, his entire torso soaked with water. Simon’s standing above him, his shirt stuck to his chest and his hair sticking up from where he’d run his hands through it. Emily is sitting nearby, laughing as she pats her face dry, and Nora’s inside changing, after Bram had turned the hose on her in retaliation.

“If you’re done being children,” Jack calls to them, his mouth quirked up in a smile. “The meat’s almost ready, we should get the table ready to eat.”

“I’m not sitting anywhere near either of you if you’re both going to stay soaked,” Leah threatens as she walks out the back door, carrying a stack of paper plates and plastic utensils. Simon looks down at Bram and shrugs, pulling his soaked t-shirt off his body.

“Let’s go change then, babe,” Simon says, offering Bram his hand. They pass by Nick, who just laughs at them as they walk inside. The house is a few degrees cooler than it is outside, thanks to the air conditioning, so Simon shivers as they walk up the stairs.

“Aw, babe,” Bram coos as they strip off their wet shirts and throw them into the hall bathroom where they can see Nora’s wet clothes.

“Shut up and find me a new shirt,” Simon says when they shuffle into his room. The walls are mostly bare now, as Simon’s finally packed everything up and brought it to New York. Emily’s kept it as a functional bedroom, unlike Alice’s room which is now turning into storage.

“Did you pack another shirt for today?” Bram asks, and Simon nods as he pulls out the button-down American flag shirt they’d found at a thrift shop. Bram chuckles as Simon slips it over his shoulders, only fastening the last four buttons.

“How do I look?” Simon asks, smoothing down his collar and tucking the front of the shirt into his jean shorts. Bram swallows thickly as he stares at Simon, his eyes moving over his fiancé’s body.

“Really hot,” Bram says, reaching forward to pull Simon to him by his belt loops, their lips meeting easily. Simon wraps his arms around Bram’s waist, his hands flat on Bram’s lower back.

“Are you just not going to wear a shirt? I very much approve of the decision, but I don’t know how my mom will react,” Simon teases, and Bram runs his hands down Simon’s chest, catching at the opening of the shirt and resting there.

“And she’ll approve of this? Her son looking like this,” Bram says, flicking his eyes from Simon’s exposed chest, down to the soft hair of his thighs that his shorts don’t cover.

“My mother isn’t going to be thinking about me the way you are,” Simon whispers, pulling Bram back into a warm kiss.

“Boys! It doesn’t take that long to change a shirt!”

Abby’s voice echoes up the stairwell and in through Simon’s open door, and Bram groans softly. He lets his hands roam over Simon’s torso one last time before he pulls the spare tank top he’d brought over his head.

“Later,” he says as a promise, and Simon winks at him as he pulls his sunglasses back over his eyes.

As they head towards the door, Simon stops. Bram doesn’t realize Simon isn’t following until he’s in the hallway, and by the time he’s back in the doorway, Simon’s already back to following him.

“What did you do?” Bram asks, and Simon grins. He holds up their rings in the palm of his hand.

“For after we tell them,” Simon says, and Bram forgets that people are waiting downstairs and crowds Simon up against the wall, kissing him soundly.

When they finally walk out the back door, everyone’s standing around the large oak table that’s near the grill, plates in hand. Bram leads Simon over into the group, ignoring the knowing look Abby’s giving them as they grab plates.

It’s a bit of a frenzy, everyone getting food and finding places to sit. They drag lawn chairs over, Emily locking Bieber in the house so he won’t try to steal their food while they sit in the grass, and it’s nice once they’re all settled.

It’s hard to keep track of a single conversation when there’s nearly sixteen of them, and Simon and Bram sit quietly, listening. Emily and Julia are sitting together at the table, their heads low as they speak quickly, and Bram’s a little afraid of what they could possibly be talking about when Jack speaks up.

“So, boys.” He points to them easily, across the loose circle everyone’s created. “How’s living in New York? When can I come up and make sure that apartment you’re living in is Jack Spier-approved?”

“Dad.” Simon laughs, and Bram smiles despite himself. “What does a Jack Spier seal of approval entail?”

“A working smoke detector, a reliable deadbolt, working locks on the windows, maybe a Louisville slugger just in case,” Jack says, counting off the items on his fingers. Bram nods at most of them.

“We have Zach’s golf clubs, not a Louisville slugger, but the rest of the list has been checked and accounted for,” Simon says, and that’s when Bram realizes everyone’s looking at them; even Wells, sitting next to Leah’s mom.

“I think a golf club is much better for Simon, he knows how to swing one of those,” Nick says, and Simon squawks and everyone chuckles. Leah reaches over and high fives Nick.

“Well, we still want to see the place,” Emily calls, and Julia nods.

“It’s an exciting thing, you two finally moving in together,” Julia says with a smile, and Bram feels warm under his mother’s loving gaze.

“Yeah, now when I call Simon, he won’t sound so lovesick and wistful,” Leah teases, and Simon glares at her.

“That was, what, one time?”

“Bram was just as bad, remember last year when Simon went to London over spring break?” Nora says, and Bram sees his in.

“Actually,” he starts, everyone looking over at him as their laughter tapers off. “I was moody that week for an entirely different reason.”

“That wasn’t right before you took the LSAT, was it?” Garrett asks, and Bram shakes his head.

“No, that was later in the year,” Bram says, squeezing Simon’s hand. They look at each other for a moment, Bram sucking in a deep breath.

“I was upset because… because I had actually planned to propose then.”

Jack chokes on his beer, and Garrett stands in a hurry to pat his back, Jack waving him off as he holds his arms above his head and turns away. Emily and Julia are staring at them with wide eyes, much like everyone else is, aside from Alice, whose eyes are sparkling.

“But you didn’t?” Alice asks, and Bram shakes his head.

“Not then, at least,” he says, and Simon’s aware that his mother’s dropped the fork she had been holding.

“Not – wait,  _ did _ you propose?” Nick asks, his face lighting up as he stares at them. Leah’s mom has her hands over her mouth, Wells squeezing her shoulder, and Bram focuses on the weird pattern of Wells’ shorts as he unsticks his tongue from the roof of his mouth.

“I did, actually. The day we moved in together.”

The backyard’s eerily quiet as everyone waits for Simon or Bram to continue, and Simon squeezes Bram’s hand before he lets go, digging the rings out of his front pocket. Abby excitedly slaps Leah’s leg once they’re in view.

“Obviously, I said yes,” Simon says as he slips Bram’s band onto his finger, letting Bram take Simon’s ring and slip it onto his. “After I asked him as well, because I’ve always wanted to.”

Emily’s over to them first, and they stand quickly, their plates forgotten on the ground as she grabs their hands, staring at the rings. Julia comes over then, too, and suddenly the backyard erupts into chaos.

“Eisner, you owe me twenty bucks!”

“No, I don’t, Laughlin, he proposed  _ after _ they graduated!”

“Where did you find these rings, Bram, they’re gorgeous!”

“Oh, my god!”

Simon smiles at Bram over the top of Abby’s head as she wraps him up in a hug, her entire body vibrating. Jack claps Bram on the shoulder, pulling him into a classic Jack Spier hug, and Simon can see his dad is crying.

“But, boys,” Julia says above the noise, and everyone calms down for a moment to let her voice carry. Jack still has an arm around Bram’s shoulder, and he releases him to let Bram move back to Simon’s side, their hands gravitating towards each other until their fingers tangle.

“Bram still has three years of law school, and Simon’s just starting out as a teacher. When will you have time to get married?” she asks, and Simon can’t help but smile as he sees where Bram gets it from.

“We don’t have to get married yet,” Simon says for Bram, looking up at him. Bram’s eyes are as warm and soft as ever, and Simon pushes up his sunglasses so they can see each other clearly. “We don’t have to get married right away. Getting engaged is just… it’s just the next step in our relationship. It’s a promise that, sometime in the future, there will be a wedding. It doesn’t matter when, or where, it just matters that there will be one. Plus, it’s about time I got to call Bram my fiancé.”

Emily and Julia are full on crying now, arms wrapped around each other, and Bram feels a large lump building in his throat, because Simon’s somehow read his mind and formed coherent sentences. His tongue is stuck to the roof of his mouth, and he thinks that Simon knows this, because he reaches up and touches Bram’s cheek.

“I love you,” Simon says, their mouths moving up in matching soft smiles. Bram’s chin wobbles a bit, and Simon uses his hand to block the movement from everyone’s eyes.

“I love you, too,” Bram finally manages to say, ducking his head down and hiding his face in Simon’s neck. Simon lets go of his hand and wraps his arms around his shoulders, looking at their friends and family gathered around them, everyone’s eyes a little glassy.

“You’re overwhelming my fiancé, guys,” Simon teases, and the laughter bursts the bubble, everyone giving Simon and Bram a moment. Emily makes eye contact with her son, and Simon nods at her in silent understanding that, once they’ve pulled themselves together, there’s much more to talk about.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know it’s usually every three days or so that i post but i wanna have this work done by the end of june bc pride. not that you’re upset by getting more quicker!!!!!!! 
> 
> also loved all the responses on the last chapter. really made me feel warm :))
> 
> next chapter is number twenty on the prompt list.


	12. the storm raging.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. f l u f f.

  1. **As we huddle together, the storm raging outside**



Simon looks up as another gust of wind slaps rain against the window in the living room, his eyebrows knitting together at the scene outside. He is no stranger to summer rain storms, having lived through plenty of them in Georgia, but the storm currently drenching New York City is something else. He pulls his glasses off his face to rub his eyes, a dull headache starting to form behind his eyes from grading for so long.

“I don’t think Zach’s coming home from the library for awhile,” Bram says from the small table in the kitchen area. Simon looks over his shoulder at him, grimacing slightly as he puts his glasses back on.

“I wouldn’t walk outside even if you paid me,” Simon mumbles, and Bram smiles at him. He’s holding a mug between his hands, the string from the tea bag hanging over his knuckles.

“Drink some tea before your headache gets worse,” Bram says, and Simon narrows his eyes at him as he stands to walk over to the table.

“I’d rather have coffee, and how did you know I have the beginnings of a headache?” Simon sits down across from Bram, pushing a stack of papers into a neater pile. Bram smiles at him from behind his mug, eyes soft in the low glow from the overhead light.

“Because I know you,” Bram says cryptically, and Simon rolls his eyes after a moment, forcing himself not to wince, as it hurts a little. He sits back in the chair and looks out the window again, his hands resting on his stomach. The storm has broken a bit of the heat wave that had taken over the city for the past week, but it only really helps with the humidity. Simon’s infinitely thankful for the stand-up air conditioner his parents had bought them as a move in present, that now does just enough to keep the apartment comfortable.

“Are you hungry? I need to take a break,” Simon says as he stands, slipping his hands into the pockets of his shorts. Bram nods, setting down his mug and beginning to tidy up his papers.

“I’ll help you make something,” he says, but Simon shakes his head.

“No, you made breakfast and let me sleep in. You know how much I needed that. Let me make something without setting off the smoke detector.” Simon pats Bram’s hand gently, leaning over to kiss the top of his fiancé’s head before going into the small kitchen.

Bram cleans off the table while Simon pulls things out of the fridge, looking over every now and then to watch as Simon thinks, his tongue sticking out his mouth and his eyebrows coming together. He pauses with his hands gripping his textbooks, eyes drawn to the way Simon’s leaning against the counter, not seeing the moment Simon’s lips turn up in a smile.

“I can quite literally feel you watching me,” Simon says, not looking away from the lettuce he’s pulling apart. Bram smiles at him, hefting his textbooks over onto the low bookshelf against the wall. Shoving his notebooks and papers into his backpack, he takes everything down the hall and places it next to the desk in their bedroom.

“We’re going to need more cheese soon,” Simon says as Bram walks back into the kitchen, sliding up next to Simon, leaning his right hip against the counter. Simon smiles at him as he spreads mayo onto the slice of bread, reaching out with his elbow to nudge Bram’s chest.

“I’ll put it on the grocery list.”

Simon hums in response, setting the bread he’d been working on back down on the counter, reaching for the bag of meats. He pulls out slices of turkey and layers them onto the bread, his left hand reaching over for the lettuce and tomatoes. Bram smiles at the pickle Simon layers onto his sandwich, and the onion slices he puts on Bram’s. Simon puts the top piece of bread on and moves back over to the fridge, pulling out some of the fruit they’d picked up at the outdoor market.

“Water, or juice?” Simon asks quietly.

“Juice, please,” Bram replies, and Simon grabs the bottle.

Bram steps back to let Simon plate their food, washing the berries quickly before dropping them onto the plates. Feeling slightly lame, Bram reaches into the cabinet and grabs two glasses for the juice. Simon presses a soft kiss to his cheek when he offers them over.

“Thanks, love,” Simon says quietly, opening the bottle and filling their glasses. When Simon starts to grab the plates, Bram reaches over and grabs his hands, pulling on them until Simon turns so they’re facing each other. Bram’s thumb moves over the ring on Simon’s left hand, a smile forming on his face.

“No, thank you,” he whispers before leaning in and kissing Simon softly. Simon makes a noise in the back of his throat and tangles their fingers together.

“Let’s eat,” Simon says when they break apart.

They settle on the couch, pressed together from shoulder to ankle. Simon tucks himself under Bram’s arm, both kicking their legs up onto the low coffee table. Bram keeps his hand cradled against Simon’s head, which limits his ability to eat, but Simon feeds him some berries and Bram smiles.

“I can’t believe summer’s over,” Simon mumbles, rolling a blueberry between his fingers. He smiles when he feels Bram’s fingers tangle in his hair.

“I can’t believe that was my  _ last _ summer,” Bram mumbles darkly, and Simon looks up at him to laugh. Bram’s bottom lip is sticking out in a pout, but there’s humor sparkling in his eyes.

“I didn’t know the world was ending before next June,” Simon teases, and Bram widens his eyes, his bottom lip sucking into his mouth.

“Who knows, maybe it will.” Bram laughs, his eyes closing as he lets his head fall back against the couch. Moving their plates off their laps and onto the table, Simon pulls his feet up onto the couch, turning into Bram’s side. Bram brings his free hand up to hold the hand Simon has on his chest, twisting the ring on Simon’s finger.

“The world can’t end before we get married,” Simon mumbles, just quiet enough that Bram almost doesn’t hear him. Pulling on his hand, Bram brings Simon’s fingers to his lips, kissing them gently.

“It won’t,” Bram says as a promise, and Simon looks up at him. Fingers still against his lips, Bram smiles down at him.

“You know Mom asked me if, since this is your last year of law school, we were going to set a date.”

Bram purses his lips, holding Simon’s hand against his chest.

“What did you tell her?” Bram asks, his eyes catching the sight of his own ring on the hand cradling Simon’s head.

“I just kinda laughed. I didn’t have an answer for her, and I think she knew, because she changed the subject,” Simon explains, both of them looking over at the window as a clap of thunder sounds through the air, lightning following shortly after.

“We said we’d wait until I was done with school,” Bram starts, and Simon nods as he pushes himself up slightly, his nose level with Bram’s cheek.

“No, that’s still very much the plan,” Simon interrupts, the hand stuck between his body and the couch reaching forward enough to ghost his fingers over Bram’s side.

“Do you want to set a date?” Bram asks, and Simon stops moving for a second, his vision unfocused as he stares at Bram’s cheek.

“I – do you?” Simon shakes himself, and Bram laughs.

“I asked you first,” Bram says, and Simon chuckles.

“You should let me ask first every once in awhile,” he mumbles before making eye contact with Bram. “Can we set a date without even having a like, place in mind?”

“We agreed on having it outside,” Bram says, and Simon’s eyebrows twitch.

“No, you said that’d be easier because you have two different religions in your family, and my family doesn’t care what we do, as long as they’re all invited,” Simon points out, and Bram laughs.

“I did say that, yes. We don’t have to get married in a church, you know,” Bram says, and Simon nods, his bottom lip between his teeth.

“We should just get married in Waffle House,” he mumbles, causing Bram to laugh loudly, his hand gripping Simon’s.

“I’m going to veto that,” Bram says once he’s stopped laughing, and Simon grins. Pushing his hand between Bram and the couch, Simon flattens his palm over the dip in Bram’s back.

“We could get married outside,” Simon says after a moment of silence, and Bram looks down at him with a smile on his face.

“Yeah? It can’t be during summer, my Nan would threaten me,” Bram says and Simon nods seriously.

“You think mine wouldn’t boycott? I don’t even know if she’ll come anyway,” Simon trails off, and Bram squeezes his hand.

“Don’t think about that. We’ll cross that bridge when we have to. For now, think of when you’d want to get married,” Bram says, bringing Simon’s forehead to his lips with gentle pressure at the back of Simon’s head.

“Not in winter, if it’s outside,” Simon says, and Bram hums, his lips still touching Simon’s forehead.

“How about in the fall?” Bram whispers, his voice going soft. Simon pushes back to look at him, warmth spreading in his limbs at the look on Bram’s face.

“The fall?”

“Yeah,” Bram breathes out, his eyes lighting up. Simon watches the journey his face takes before he schools his features, smiling at Simon.

“Why the fall?” Simon asks, almost afraid of the answer and what it’ll do to his insides. But Bram shakes his head, his fingers putting soft pressure on Simon’s neck.

“Think of how beautiful the wedding pictures would be in front of the changing leaves,” Bram says with awe in his voice, and Simon looks at him critically for a moment. He’s sure, 100 percent positive, that’s not the reason his fiancé’s face went on a journey at the idea of a fall wedding.

“We could see if that orchard is still standing,” Simon says instead of the thing he wants to ask, and Bram’s eyes light up.

“Are you suggesting we get married in an orchard, because I can already see the pictures in my head.” Bram’s voice sounds far away, and Simon smiles at the familiar warmth he feels when they talk about their wedding.

“Do you think an orchard suits an interracial, interfaith gay wedding?” Simon laughs, and Bram’s head hits the back of the couch again as he giggles, his arm tightening around Simon’s shoulders and pulling him into Bram’s shoulder.

“Our only other option is, like, Waffle House and I already said no,” Bram says as he giggles, and Simon rolls his eyes.

“But think of it, babe, they’d cater! It’s a one-stop wedding shop!” Simon sweeps his free arm around in front of them, looking off into the distance. Bram’s full-on laughing now, a hand on his stomach as he tries to breathe.

“Oh – my god.”

“And instead, babe, instead of a flower bouquet because how cliché is that, they can fashion a waffle bouquet with some hash browns -”

“Si, stop -”

“And no one really needs to care about where they sit, because it’s family-style!”

Bram snorts as his body tries to bring in oxygen and still laugh, and Simon finally breaks, laughing along with him. Bram tilts his head down, and when they make eye contact, they start laughing again harder. Simon brings a hand up to cover his eyes as tears start to form.

“I hate you for that,” Bram says as he begins to regain his composure, and Simon looks up at him to roll his eyes.

“That’s the most you’ve laughed since the semester started. You love me,” Simon counters, and Bram purses his lips, the ends of his mouth turned up.

“Have I really been that engrossed in everything?” Bram asks, and Simon shrugs.

“Not any more so than normal, but about what I mentally prepared for. It  _ is _ your last year; I think we might change the meltdown rule from once a month to bi-monthly. You just have to put it on the calendar ahead of time, and let me make a trip to the sto–”

Warm lips interrupt Simon’s words, and he melts as Bram wraps his arms around his body. Bram brings his feet in and uses the leverage to push Simon back on the couch, fitting into the space created when Simon’s legs fall open. Bram settles on top of Simon, his hands holding Simon’s head as his lips move resolutely. Simon moans into Bram’s mouth, his fingers digging into Bram’s sides.

“Bram,” Simon gasps when Bram breaks the kiss to press his lips along Simon’s jaw, finding their way to Simon’s ear, teeth gentle on his earlobe. Simon gasps, his brain a little hazy at the sudden change in the mood.

“How did I get so lucky?” Bram asks, sounding rhetorical, as he nudges Simon’s head to the side to kiss along his neck, his tongue licking a line down to Simon’s collarbone. “You’re just – I can’t believe it.”

“Bram, babe.” Simon pulls at the back of Bram’s head, and after a moment Bram moves up so their foreheads are pressed together, and Simon can lean up for a softer kiss. Bram moves his hands up to hold Simon’s head again, softer this time as their lips move together.

“I love you, but give a guy a chance to breathe,” Simon jokes when they pull back, and Bram breathes out a laugh. He strokes his fingers down Simon’s cheek, his head moving back until his eyes can see the entirety of Simon’s face. Simon’s cheeks pink at the look on Bram’s face, and he clears his throat.

“So, a fall wedding. Early October work?”

Bram smiles.

“Early October is perfect.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you’ll be happy to know that it’s currently thundering and raining and there’s a lot of lightening which is a classic midwest storm. i thought it was funny. 
> 
> you’ll all find out why i wanted to hurry up posting soon enough but this chapter is just... cute. i like little domesticity.


	13. not said to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. F L U F F

  1. **Not said to me**



“Dad?”

Jack looks over his shoulder, his eyes falling on his son. Simon’s holding the ends of his pale blue tie in his hands, his fingers trembling slightly.

“What’s up, bud?” Jack asks, walking into the room in the farmhouse Simon’s getting ready in. He closes the door behind them, blocking out the sounds coming from downstairs as everyone gets ready for the ceremony.

“I can’t…” Simon trails off, holding up his tie, and Jack nods in understanding. Simon’s hands drop to his side as Jack takes over, hands looping the tie into a firm knot with practiced ease. He smiles as Simon takes a steadying deep breath, his shoulders moving up as he does, and when Jack has the tie in place, he puts his hands on Simon’s arms.

“Nervous?” he says softly, and Simon closes his eyes for a moment as he nods.

“Terrified,” he replies, and Jack squeezes his biceps.

“Terrified? Of what?”

“Everything. Stumbling over my vows. Tripping. Getting cold feet. Bram getting cold feet. Nick using the whoopie cushion we took away from him but I’m pretty sure he got back. Nan deciding she actually doesn’t want to be here. Anyone saying anything at all. Actually committing to kissing in front of this many people. That face I make when I cry really hard. Just... everything.”

Jack forces himself not to laugh as Simon lets out a breath, his body slumping slightly. It’s with very little pressure that Jack’s able to bring Simon in for a hug, letting his son hide his slightly teary eyes in his lapels.

“Take a breath, Simon,” Jack says as he rubs his hand up and down Simon’s back. Simon lets out a soft laugh as he pulls his face out of Jack’s jacket, rubbing under his eyes.

“Mom’s going to kill me for ruining your suit,” he mumbles, and Jack shrugs, keeping an arm around Simon’s shoulders.

“She wouldn’t kill you, especially not on your wedding day.”

Simon chuckles softly, his head turning as he looks out the window that overlooks the backyard of the farmhouse. Below, a few of his younger cousins are playing games as they wait for the ceremony to start. Off in the distance, Nick and Garrett are kicking a soccer ball between them, their suit jackets looped over their arms.

“I can’t believe I’m getting married today,” Simon whispers after a moment, looking back at his dad with a soft smile on his face. Jack smiles back.

“You were only engaged for what, four years?”

“Yeah, but we didn’t even like… think of a date until a little over a year ago. It all just… it’s all actually happening, finally,” Simon says as he pulls at his suit jacket, smoothing his hands down the front. Jack knows Simon’s in love with his suit; it’s the best-fitted suit he’s ever worn.

“Si, today’s going to be one of the best days of your life. You shouldn’t feel terrified,” Jack says softly, placing a hand back on Simon’s shoulder. Simon takes in a deep breath, their eyes meeting in the full-length mirror Nora had put in the room earlier.

“I know, I just… I’m so ready to spend the rest of our lives together. Even if he didn’t want to get married, or we couldn’t, I’d still want to spend every single moment for the rest of my life by his side. It’s kismet that we can and are getting married.”

Jack’s eyes prickle slightly, and he pushes at the feeling before he speaks.

“I’m so proud of you, kid. I don’t know if I say it enough, but I am so proud of you and Bram. Your mother and I talked, a lot, when you two first started dating about where we thought you’d end up. We were both wrong, by the way. It’s not that we didn’t have faith in both of you, it’s just that… well, we didn’t really understand I suppose. And you didn’t tell us about how you two came to be so close so fast until after you’d graduated, which really put things into perspective.”

Simon laughs softly, looking down at his hands. It’s the first time he’s gone without wearing his engagement ring in a long time, and he feels bare without it. A few drops of moisture fall onto his hands, and he reaches up to wipe at his eyes.

“Once you told us that, about the emails, well… we knew this was something that was going to last a long time. That’s when we started moving money around for a wedding.”

Simon smiles at his dad in the mirror, both equally teary-eyed. Simon leans back slightly, so his shoulder rests on Jack’s, and Jack wraps his arm around Simon again.

“I’ve loved him for so long,” Simon whispers, and everything goes quiet around them. “I loved him before I even knew his name, before I’d ever held his hand. When he proposed, he said he wants to spend the rest of his life making sure I know how much he loves me. It’s overwhelming to know I feel the same way. And there aren’t many words I can use to describe how much I love him, but I think that sentiment does a decent job. It’s just so much.”

Jack bites his bottom lip against the slight quiver he’s experiencing.

“I guess… I’m not really terrified anything will go wrong. I think, if anything does, it’s just a fun part of the story. I’m not even anxious anymore, because I know Bram’s on the other side of the house, feeling the same way. It’s like I can feel his energy, reaching out for mine. Equally excited. Ready to finally get married.”

“You know he’s probably having a conversation just like this with his dad,” Jack says, and Simon snorts.

“Yeah, probably. It doesn’t help that we haven’t been allowed to see each other in four days,” Simon glares at his dad, and Jack holds up his hands.

“Blame that one on your mothers.”

“That’s such a heterosexual tradition.”

“More like an old wives’ superstition.”

Simon chuckles at the rhyme, his eyes finally drying of tears and his face opening again. He smiles, his face tipping back for a moment.

“I’m going to cry when I see him,” Simon whispers, and Jack pats his shoulder.

“I’d be surprised if you didn’t.

\---

Elijah stands at the window of the bedroom, staring out towards the tent in the distance. The trees are all still holding their leaves, and the entire orchard looks like a postcard that’s been highly photoshopped, and he can’t believe how beautiful it all is.

“Are you sure Mom will kill me if I sneak over there?”

Elijah laughs, turning to level his son with a look. Bram frowns, his hands clasped in his lap as he sits on the bed.

“She said, and I’m directly quoting here, that, ‘if Simon and Bram so much as get closer than five feet before the ceremony, I’ll find new ways of torture they haven’t yet banned.’ And I believe her,” Elijah says, laughing awkwardly. Bram chuckles, shaking his head at his mom.

“But it’s so hetero, not letting people see each other before the wedding.”

“It’s mostly a superstition, and your mother takes hers seriously,” Elijah says as he walks over to sit next to Bram on the bed. They’ve both been dressed for awhile, and Julia had banished Elijah away from downstairs to sit with Bram while they waited for the last of their guests to arrive and the ceremony to start.

“You know, at a normal wedding, the groom gets to walk around before the ceremony,” Bram says, and Elijah hums.

“But there’s two grooms, so what? You guys are going to rock, paper, scissors from behind doors to see who gets to go downstairs?”

Bram laughs, his hand coming up to cover his mouth. He shakes his head at his dad, his shoulders continuing to shake even as he stops laughing.

“I’m glad you’re laughing. I was a wreck on both of my wedding days,” Elijah says, and Bram sobers a little. He takes in a deep breath, and for a moment just stares at the wall as though he’s trying to see through it. And, Elijah thinks, maybe he is, because Simon’s somewhere on the other side.

“How do you know I’m not a wreck?” Bram says softly, his eyes going unfocused as he stares off into the proverbial distance. And Elijah sees a little bit of what he’s heard Julia call Bram’s “lawyer façade” slip away.

“You could’ve fooled me,” Elijah says after a moment, reaching over to put a hand on his son’s arm. Bram lets out a puff of air, almost a laugh, and shakes his head.

“Dad, the weekend before I took the LSAT, Simon came to New York unannounced and talked me down from several meltdowns. He ran through my flashcards with me and he listened to me as I recited any and all information I could remember. He made me food and forced me to sleep when I just wanted to stay up and keep cramming. I slept maybe, max, three hours each night all week and Simon got me to sleep almost ten hours that Saturday night.”

Elijah holds his breath as Bram pauses, his entire chest warm. Bram’s never forthcoming with information about his relationship with Simon, and Elijah’s usually fed secondhand information from Emily or Julia on the rare occasions he talks to them.

“I had known, for at least six months by then, that I was going to propose at some point. I had the rings. Zach made fun of me for a week when I came home with them one day, looking, as he put it, ‘a little dopey.’ But when I woke up that morning, feeling better than I had in almost two months, I knew. I knew that this person was the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with, if he let me.”

Bram looks at his dad, his eyes focusing a little. He reaches up and into his jacket pocket, pulling out a worn, folded piece of paper. He stares down at it for a moment, holding it in his hands with a quiet reverence Elijah doesn’t yet understand.

“This –” Bram coughs, looking up again. His eyes are filled with tears now, and Elijah wordlessly hands him his handkerchief. “This is the letter he wrote me, and stuck in one of my books when I left for Columbia. I had it in my wallet when I took the LSAT. When I left, I read it over in the bathroom while I tried to keep myself from hyperventilating and spiraling into thoughts of how I’d failed. He wrote, at the end, that he couldn’t wait for whatever our future held.

“There’s so many words I haven’t been able to say to him over the years, about how much I love him. He’s so good at catching me off guard and telling me how much he loves me. He wrote me letters, left me long voicemails when I was having a hard week, and once ordered pizza from my favorite place and had it delivered to me. I know he knows how much I love him, but some days I wish I could show him the way he shows me.”

“You have different love languages,” Elijah says softly, and Bram nods slowly, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth as he works on the lump in his throat. “I doubt he really cares how you show him, just that you do.”

Bram looks at his dad, and an understanding passes between them. Elijah wraps an arm around Bram’s shoulder and pulls him in for a hug.

“I wish I could see him right now. This is the longest we’ve been apart since we moved in together,” Bram mumbles against his father’s collar, and Elijah bites his bottom lip.

\---

Elijah knocks on the door, smiling as Jack opens it with a smile already on his face. Elijah can feel his son’s anxious energy, and the second Jack steps back to reveal Simon, standing on the other side of the room near the window in his tux, Bram’s already halfway there. Jack steps out of the room, and the last thing they see is Bram and Simon holding each other tightly, the backs of their suits probably getting a little wrinkled, faces pressed to each other’s shoulders.

“My wife is going to kill me,” Jack whispers as they close the door, and Elijah shrugs.

“It’s worth it, don’t you think?”

Jack’s eyes go soft as he smiles, his laugh lines pronounced as he looks towards the door.

“Yeah, worth it.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my absolute favorite chapter and i really wanted to post it on father’s day. so here you have it. :)
> 
> next chapter is number fourteen on the prompt list.


	14. a whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘mature’ rating for hints of sexual content at the end. major fluff otherwise. you’ve been warned. bring tissues.

  1. **A whisper in the ear**



From just inside the old barn doors, Bram can see the tree where they’d said “I do.” He takes the glass of water from Emily as she walks by him, and then Simon’s slipping under his other arm to hug Bram close. It’s cool in the barn, all of the doors and old windows open, citronella candles lit randomly about the space. Jack’s off in the corner talking about how he and Elijah had put up all the lights that cover the walls, long strands of white twinkling lights illuminating even the darkest places in the barn. There’s a bar in the corner, where most of the adults are now congregated, and the emcee is at the opposite end of the room, playing soft music to match the mood.

Bram looks down when he feels Simon’s lips brush his cheek, and they smile at each other. They’ve been mostly quiet since after dinner and the speeches, everything a paradox of too fast, yet too slow. They’re wearing new rings now, simple gold bands that gleam in the light, hiding the engravings they’ve kept to themselves.

“Boys, you’re doing a first dance, right?” Julia asks, as though she’s forgotten they’d given her their song choice weeks ago. Bram nods, still quiet, and she winks at them as she walks away. There aren’t many traditions they’d decided to incorporate into their wedding but having a first dance had been one they’d both really wanted.  

Bram’s eyes are closed when Simon nudges him, standing up a bit straighter.

“Look,” Simon whispers, and they look over to see Nora holding the microphone, her guitar hanging from her neck. Nick’s sitting on a stool behind her, his guitar balanced on his knee, and Leah’s situating herself in a chair, bongo drums balanced on the front of her dress.

“What is happening?” Bram says as Nora finds them in the crowd. She smiles at them, checking to see if the mic is on before speaking.

“Hi – hi everyone,” she says, and the crowd starts to quiet. “If you don’t know who I am, I’ll introduce myself. I’m Nora Spier, sister of one of the grooms. Up here with me are Leah Burke and Nick Eisner, both in the wedding party.”

Nick and Leah wave a little awkwardly to the crowd, and Bram looks down at Simon, both of them staring at each other in confusion.

“Bram and Simon don’t know, but I managed to bug Bram’s mom until she finally told me what their first dance song was.” Simon gasps, and Nora smiles at him. They’d purposely not told anyone because it felt too personal to share before the wedding. “I wanted to know because, back in high school and even now, all three of us up here have been pretty musical.”

“Oh my god,” Bram says as he gets what’s about to happen, Simon hiding his face in Bram’s shoulder.

“So, as a… gift to Simon and Bram, we learned how to play their first dance song, and we’d like to invite them up here now,” Nora says as she beams at them, and Bram’s still in shock when Emily pushes on them, coming out of nowhere. Simon’s laughing as they reach the middle of the empty dance floor, and he shares a look with Nora that Bram can’t read.

“You’re the worst,” Simon says to Nora, and she shrugs.

“Anyway, here’s ‘Wonderwall,’” Nora says, then laughs. “I’m kidding, that’s not their song. Come on, guys.”

She puts the mic back on its stand and places the stand in front of Nick, who smiles softly at Bram and Simon. He positions his fingers on his guitar, looking over at Leah, who counts them off. The guitars are plugged in, but even so, they come through the speakers quietly. They barely overpower the drumming, which Bram realizes is probably more to keep Nick and Nora on count than anything else.

Bram turns to Simon and smiles, their feet moving towards each other easily. Simon wraps his arm around Bram’s waist, and Bram loops his around Simon’s shoulders, and their other hands clasp together and rest right above the pocket on Bram’s dress shirt. Simon steps in until they’re pressed all the way together and he rests his forehead on Bram’s shoulder.

_All I wanna do, is always bring good to you_

Bram rests his cheek against the top of Simon’s head and closes his eyes, turning them in a slow circle. He’s trying to remember the words he’d written down weeks ago, and remembered after they’d exchanged their short vows. Nothing too long, nothing too over the top; just simple vows they’d written on opposite ends of the couch weeks ago.

“Simon,” Bram says softly, and Simon moves his forehead off Bram’s shoulder to look up, their eyes meeting. The twinkly lights are reflecting warm orbs in Simon’s eyes, and Bram loses his train of thought for a moment. As Nick reaches the first verse, Bram remembers what he was going to say.

“You remember when we decided to have a fall wedding?” he asks, and Simon nods. Bram tilts his head down until his mouth is right next to Simon’s ear, Simon tightening his grip on Bram’s waist at the movement. Bram continues to turn them in a slow circle.

“You asked me why a fall wedding. I said something about the colors of the trees and how beautiful the pictures would be.” Simon hums in Bram’s ear, and Bram continues. “Well, I lied.”

Simon doesn’t move his head, his nose pressing into Bram’s cheek.

“You lied?”

“Yes, but only just. Because while I did think a fall wedding would be beautiful, and I was absolutely right, I had another motive for wanting to marry you in October. A couple years ago — seven, to be exact — I fell in love in October.”

Simon sucks in a sharp breath, his fingers squeezing Bram’s where they’re tangled together.

“I didn’t know who the person was, but I knew I loved them. That was overwhelming, because I was scared. I was scared of what people would think, or how I’d be treated differently, or how everything in my life would change even though I was exactly the same. But most of all, I was scared of falling in love with someone who didn’t feel the same way. I got lucky though, because as it turns out, you did feel the same way.”

Nick’s singing the second verse now, and Bram turns Simon in a quicker circle once, Simon laughing wetly in his ear.

“In my front pocket, right under our hands, is the letter you wrote me and snuck into my copy of _Little Women_ when I left for Columbia. If you asked me right now, I could recite at least three of the voicemails you’ve left me over the years. Every day when I wake up before you, I spend the first moments of my day memorizing the way you look when you’re asleep.  And now I’m overwhelmed and scared for a whole different reason.

“Simon, I love you so much, there are times it feels all consuming. It warms every inch of my skin, takes over all rational thought, and seeps into my bones until I can feel it with every fiber of my being. You’re the person I’ll always fight the waves to reach.”

Nick’s repeating ‘ _All I wanna do’_ into the microphone, and Bram takes a moment to press a kiss to the side of Simon’s head, aware of the moisture gathering on his neck and cheeks.

“I fell in love with you in the fall, told you so in the spring, and proposed in the summer. I don’t know what the winter holds for us. Whatever it is though, if it’s you and me, I can’t wait. I…” Bram trails off as his throat closes, and Simon tilts his head back until their noses are touching. They’re both crying, and Simon eyes crinkle a bit as he smiles.

“I love you, Simon. I love you so, so, so, _so_ much, more than words can encapsulate. More than I ever have or will love anyone else. My shore worth swimming to, my very best friend, my love, my husband. I love you so.”

Simon halts their slow turning by planting his feet and pushing up just enough to reach Bram’s lips. Their faces are covered in tears, both of them shaking a little, and Bram lets go of Simon’s hand to cup his face. Simon’s hand closes around the letter in Bram’s pocket.

Simon breaks the kiss for only enough time to say, “I love you, I love you, I love you,” and then he’s kissing Bram again. It’s soft, their lips pressing together in a familiar way, knowing exactly what to do even as their brains struggle to follow along.

They’re brought out of their little bubble when they realize Nick’s not singing anymore, and Bram rests his forehead against Simon’s as the emcee begins to play another slow song. There’s a fair amount of space around them as they continue to turn in a slow circle in the middle of the dance floor, other couples dancing together off to the side.

“We should thank them,” Simon whispers, and Bram sweeps his thumb across Simon’s cheekbone. Simon closes his eyes, leaning his head into the touch.

“Later. I want to dance with my husband.”

\---

The cabin belongs to one of Simon’s aunts, and she’d offered it up for them to stay in for the weekend after the wedding once they’d made it clear they were getting married in Georgia. It’s not in the middle of nowhere, but it’s pretty darn close, and Bram’s just happy they get cell service.

Bram takes their bag into the bedroom, pulling out their toiletries to place in the bathroom. He’s standing at the vanity when Simon walks up behind him, wrapping his arms around Bram’s stomach. Bram hums as Simon kisses behind his ear, and then down his neck, pushing his nose against the collar of Bram’s shirt.

“Why is your tie still perfect?” Simon whispers into the space between them, and Bram reaches up to pull it undone in a single motion. Simon makes a noise of approval, his hands reaching up to start undoing the buttons on Bram’s shirt.

“Simon,” Bram gasps out once Simon has them all undone, untucking Bram’s shirt from his pants and pulling it off his shoulders. Simon starts kissing along Bram’s now exposed shoulders, hands flat against Bram’s chest to hold him still.

“You know, I’ve been thinking about what you said to me during our first dance all night.”

“You don’t – I didn’t expect you to have your own speech. You’ve been so much better than I have, over the years, at verbalizing that I wanted to re-return the fa-vor.” Bram struggles to finish, Simon’s lips finding a spot to stay for a moment.

“What are you talking about? You’ve always been good at telling me how much you love me,” Simon whispers as he pulls off Bram’s skin, his lips moving back up to close around Bram’s earlobe. Exhaling a soft moan, Bram’s head tilts back and shuts his eyes.

“You – god, Simon, you’ve written letters and left me voicemails and spoken for me when I’ve been too overwhelmed and, god –” Bram moans, cutting himself off as Simon moves a hand down to the front of his pants.

“I have, but you show me you love me in different ways. I appreciate the long speech, I really do. But you show me you love me every day with little acts of love I know I’m not the best at.”

Simon’s hand cups him through his suit pants, and Bram struggles to remember what he wants to say. When his brain comes up short, he sighs.

“Okay,” he says, and Simon giggles against his skin.

“Come with me.” Simon lets go of him, and Bram slumps against the counter for a second before Simon’s pulling on his hand. He leads Bram back into the bedroom, guiding him to sit on the bed.

“Kick off your shoes, please,” Simon says, and Bram does as he’s told. His brain’s still trying to catch up to what’s happening when Simon pushes on his shoulders.

“Sit back on the bed, please,” Simon whispers, and Bram giggles at how polite he sounds. Scooting up until he’s sitting against the headboard, Bram’s brain catches up for just a moment, and then Simon’s undoing his belt.

“Bram,” Simon starts as he pulls Bram’s belt from his pants, tossing it onto the floor. “You never, ever, ever should feel like you don’t make me feel loved. I know you love me. You show me you love me all the time. I don’t need to hear long, eloquent speeches every day to know that my husband is in love with me.”

Simon undoes Bram’s pants, and before Bram can reply, Simon’s pulled his pants and underwear all the way down and off, tossing them onto the floor. Bram shifts on the bed, reaching out with his hands.

“No fair, I’m naked and you’re still wearing your clothes,” Bram mumbles, and Simon smiles. His eyes never leave Bram as he takes off his pants and unbuttons his dress shirt, leaving it hanging off his shoulders. He crawls up the bed until he’s hovering over Bram, his eyes soft.

“It was nice, though, to know what that face journey you went on when we set the date was,” Simon whispers as he leans down to kiss along Bram’s jaw. Bram shifts on the bed, his legs pushing against the comforter. Simon seems to read his mind, because he pulls back so he can look Bram in the eyes. Not breaking eye contact, Simon licks the palm of his hand and then reaches down between them. His hand closes around Bram’s dick, and Bram pushes his head back into the pillow as Simon strokes him gently.

“I fell in love with you in the fall, too. I don’t think I knew I was falling in love until later, sometime in winter, but it was there by my birthday. And if possible, I’ve fallen more and more in love with you every single day,” Simon whispers into Bram’s ear, the arm still holding Simon up shaking a little as Bram moans, his eyes squeezed shut. He digs his feet into the mattress as his back arches off the bed, and Simon makes a happy noise above him.

“I can’t believe we’re finally married. You’re my husband. I’m your husband. I get to spend the rest of my life telling people how much I love my _husband_ ,” Simon breathes against Bram’s neck before he pushes himself to sit back. His hand keeps moving over Bram’s dick, and Bram’s eyes are closed when Simon shifts so he’s laying down between Bram’s legs.

“God, I love you,” Simon whispers before his mouth closes around Bram, and Bram loses every thread of coherent thought.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song they dance to is ‘all i wanna do’ by the beach boys which, in my head, is also the song they danced to the night they moved in together and got engaged. i also don’t ever specifically say what’s engraved in their bands, so you can headcanon whatever you want :)
> 
> oh, and this is the chapter/idea that inspired the whole fic. it’s also tied for favorite chapter in my heart. 
> 
> next chapter is number seventeen on the prompt list and it isn’t what you think :)


	15. broken glass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. no additional tags.

  1. **When the broken glass litters the floor**



Bram steps back from the wall, leaning against the couch with his hand on his chin. He tilts his head to the right, his eyes squinting.

“Babe?” he calls, twisting the wedding band on his finger. He hears feet hit the floor, and then a soft padding of socks on the hardwood floor of the hallway.

“What’s up?” Simon asks as he comes into the living room, arms reaching out as soon as they’re close to wrap around Bram’s middle. Bram hums in the back of his throat, looping an arm around Simon’s shoulders and pressing a kiss to his hair.

“Hi,” he says softly, Simon kissing his neck. “How’s the bedroom looking?”

“Better than it looks out here. What have you been doing for the past hour?”

Bram jerks his head towards the wall, and Simon looks over at the frame Bram’s hung on the stretch of wall that spans from the kitchen into the living room.

“Hanging… Bram, darling, how long have you been working on hanging up this picture?” Simon asks, and Bram looks around the room. The bookshelf is finally alphabetized, the frames holding their degrees are hung up above the desk, one of their favorite shots from the wedding is hanging by the big window, and two school pennants are pinned above the television. He’d found a place for the two plants Simon had meticulously kept alive in the living room at Zach’s. He’s gotten a lot done in an hour.

“Not long,” Bram lies, and Simon rolls his eyes.

“Why are you hanging it on this wall? What big plans do you have for the expanse of the dining room wall?” Simon asks, and Bram rolls his eyes.

“That wall is all brick, Simon, we can’t hang anything there,” Bram says as he laughs, and Simon rolls his eyes.

“I still say we should put the big rainbow flag there,” Simon mumbles, and Bram shakes his head. He pulls Simon in a little closer, kissing his hair again, and Simon giggles into his neck.

“It looks perfect,” Simon says, smiling at the picture of Nora, Alice, and Caleb at their wedding, all standing together under the canopy of trees. Jack had run an extension cord from the barn to one of the nearby trees and hung a bunch of icicle lights for the photographer. The pictures taken under the lights are still most people’s profile pictures on Facebook.

“I thought we could put more family pictures on this wall. I have the framed picture of our moms, the one of my dad and step-mom, your parents, the wedding party… everyone, really.” Bram smiles, and Simon’s heart feels full.

“I love it. A family wall,” Simon says, his voice soft as he shifts his head against Bram’s shoulder.

“There’s enough space, we can just keep filling it.” Bram waves an arm at the expanse of the wall, his mind playing mean tricks on him as he thinks of pictures of a family he’s been dreaming of for years.

“We’ll blow up Alice and Theo’s wedding picture and let it fill the entire space,” Simon jokes, and Bram shakes his head. He sticks a finger under Simon’s chin and tilts his head up, kissing him softly.

“I need some water; do you want a glass?” Simon asks after they’ve pulled apart, and Bram nods. Simon disentangles himself and goes into the kitchen, which they’d unpacked first. He grabs the water pitcher from the fridge and fills the glasses as Bram walks into the room, leaning his hip against the stove. He takes the glass Simon hands him with a smile, taking a sip.

“You know what photos we should save room for on that wall?” Bram asks as he sets his glass down on the counter, his fingers moving it in a circle as Simon pulls his glass to his chest.

“Dog photos?” Simon asks, and Bram’s eyes light up.

“Can we have a dog? We should definitely get a pet,” Bram says, and Simon nods.

“We could adopt a cat,” Simon says, and Bram’s entire face lights up.

“We should adopt a cat, please?” Bram asks, pushing out his bottom lip. Simon laughs as he reaches out with his foot to nudge Bram’s leg.

“Of course we can, babe. We’ve been talking about adopting a cat for years,” Simon laughs, and Bram tilts his head to the side as he smiles.

“While I love the idea of hanging up cat pictures, there was another kind of photo I was thinking about hanging on the wall,” Bram says after a moment, Simon refilling his glass.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Bram breathes out, the lines on his face going soft. “Baby pictures.”

“You want to hang up my baby pictures? Bram, I wasn’t  _ that _ cute,” Simon laughs, nudging Bram’s leg again, and Bram shakes his head.

“You’re wrong in more ways than one there. You were an adorable baby, and I don’t want to hang up  _ our _ baby pictures.” Bram grips the water glass on the counter, his eyes shifting to look down at his feet.

“Did one of your cousins have a kid? What am I missing here?” Simon asks, and Bram sighs.

“No, Si, I mean, like… I mean our… our kids’ pictures.”

They both jump back as Simon’s glass hits the floor, shattering into a million little pieces, water splashing along the cabinets and their legs. Bram grabs one of the hand towels off the oven and throws it on the puddle, Simon moving until his back is against the wall and his socked feet are away from any shards of glass.

“Si, are you okay?” Bram asks as he bends down and starts grabbing the bigger pieces, looking up at his husband. Simon nods, his bottom lip sucked into his mouth and his eyes a little wide behind his glasses. Of all the reactions Bram had been expecting, this wasn’t one of them, so he places the broken pieces of glass in the garbage and grabs the broom. He sweeps the smaller pieces of glass aside enough to clear a path to Simon.

“Simon, talk to me,” Bram says when he’s standing in front of him, his hand out to touch Simon’s arm where it’s wrapped around his stomach. Simon’s lip pops out of his mouth, and he lets out a sigh.

“I’m sorry I broke a glass,” Simon says as he looks down at his feet, and Bram shakes his head.

“I don’t care about the glass, we can buy a new one. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just –” Simon waves his hand in the air, his mouth moving but no words coming out. He finally stops and looks at Bram, sinking against the wall a little. He reaches out and Bram moves into his space easily, their arms winding around each other.

“I was just a little shocked, is all,” Simon finally says, and Bram laughs.

“That’s the understatement of the year,” Bram mumbles, and Simon pinches his side.

“Hey, it’s not every day that your husband of only a few months casually brings up having kids, when we haven’t talked about that in, what, years?” Simon looks up at Bram, and Bram takes the opportunity to kiss his forehead.

“I think the last time we talked about it was shortly after we got engaged,” Bram says softly, and Simon stands up a little straighter, his nose brushing Bram’s chin as he does.

“Yeah, so you’ll excuse my shock when we’re talking about framing some pictures of some cute babies we adopt like it’s what we’re having for dinner,” Simon teases, and Bram rolls his eyes.

“Don’t act like you haven’t been subtly hinting at it. You literally said the second bedroom had great lighting for a nursery when we moved in,” Bram replies, running a finger down Simon’s nose. Simon scrunches up his face, opening his mouth and biting Bram’s finger gently.

“That was an observation more than anything,” Simon mumbles, and Bram hums. They stare at each other for a moment, their smiles growing as they do.

“I have been thinking.” Simon looks over towards the oven, then back up at Bram. “I know we at one point talked about adopting a baby, but…”

“But?” Bram asks when Simon trails off, his eyes going a little unfocused. Simon shifts, his socked feet slipping a bit on the floor, and Bram follows him as he pushes up against the wall, their arms never falling from around each other.

“There’s so many young children, like younger than five, in foster care who deserve to be adopted, because you know about the stats on older kids being adopted –”

“I remember your rant about it.”

“Yeah! And I just, I’ve been thinking that we could adopt like, a toddler, maybe, and I know it might be a lot more of a challenge, but they deserve to be adopted and loved, you know?”

Bram nods as his entire body warms at Simon’s words. He leans forward and kisses both of Simon’s cheeks, his forehead, his nose, and finally his mouth.

“I love you,” Bram whispers against his lips, and Simon giggles softly.

“I love you, too.” Simon rubs their noses together, both of them laughing softly.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea,” Bram says quietly, and Simon’s eyes light up.

“We obviously don’t have to do it anytime soon, because if I’m being honest, I’d like to spend a few years of it just being us before we give up our alone time,” Simon rambles, and Bram kisses him again, tangling a hand in his soft hair.

“Definitely,” Bram whispers against his lips, and Simon makes a happy noise.

“We still have to clean the glass off the floor,” Simon mumbles, his eyes closing as Bram scratches his scalp. Simon’s fingers dig into Bram’s back, Bram’s thigh slotting between Simon’s legs.

“We do, but I’m going to kiss you instead,” Bram says, and Simon looks up at him with a smile.

“That’s good, too,” he replies, hooking an ankle around the back of Bram’s leg. “That’s very good.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasn’t what you thought huh? 
> 
> i love everyone who’s been commenting on this fic, every comment makes me so happy :)
> 
> next chapter is number two on the prompt list.


	16. with a hoarse voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘mature’ rating i suppose. more fluff? more fluff.

  1. **With a hoarse voice, under the blankets**



San Francisco is cool in the summer, different from the type of summer months Simon and Bram are used to in Georgia. Bram walks around the loft they’d rented on Airbnb in a sweatshirt on their first day, ignoring Simon’s smugness at being right in needing to pack a jacket.

“If you say that misquoted Mark Twain quote one more time,” Bram threatens as Simon drinks his coffee, eyes sparkling as he tries not to laugh.

“It’s the only Mark Twain I know,” Simon jokes, Bram rolling his eyes as he puts some sugar in his tea.

They walk the Golden Gate Bridge on their first day. The sun pushes through the fog around noon, and the sky is clear and bright. Simon loops the nice camera his parents had let them borrow for the trip around his neck and makes sure to wear contacts, so he can put on sunglasses. There’s always people on the bridge, but it’s a Tuesday, so they’re able to walk side by side, hands clasped between them as they take everything in.

“I can’t believe how beautiful it all is,” Bram whispers when they reach the south tower, walking up to the railway and looking out at the bay. Bram comes up behind Simon and wraps his arms around his middle, ducking his head into the crook of Simon’s neck. Simon hums as he holds the camera up and looks through the viewfinder to focus the image. Bram hears the clicking as Simon starts taking pictures.

“We should go to Alcatraz, Alice would die of jealousy,” Simon mumbles, pointing his camera towards the island. Bram makes an affirmative noise.

They ask an older woman near the middle of the bridge if she’d take a picture of them, and she kindly obliges. She turns into an amateur photographer, guiding them so they’re standing in a way that gets most of the city in the background of their pictures. Simon touches her arm as they look through the pictures, and they both thank her profusely.

Bram pulls out his phone near the north tower and takes some pictures. He turns the camera on himself, and positions it so Simon’s in the shot too, staring out at the water with a soft smile on his face. Bram gets one picture before Simon looks over, his smile blooming as he hooks his chin over Bram’s shoulder, pressing a kiss to the underside of Bram’s jaw. Bram snaps the picture, and that’s the one he sends to their parents as an update.

Simon’s been talking Bram’s ear off about sourdough bread since they decided on San Francisco, so they find a little restaurant in Fisherman’s Wharf that boasts some of the best clam chowder in the city, served in warm bread bowls. Bram takes pictures of Simon when the server brings over the food, his eyes lighting up as he opens the package of soup crackers.

“Smile for Nora,” Bram says, and Simon looks up and flashes him a cheesy smile. Bram’s heart flips a few times as he takes the picture, Simon sticking his tongue out shortly after and Bram capturing that, too.

“I’ll send the tongue picture to your parents.”

“They’ll appreciate it.”

They wake up early on Wednesday and get to the Japanese Tea Garden before 10 a.m. so it’s free. The city is still covered in fog, and Bram wears the fleece he’d bought at a gift store. They hold hands as they walk in, both as quiet as the people around them. The mist from the fog hangs over them like a thick blanket, and Simon immediately turns on the camera and starts taking pictures.

Bram’s standing at the bottom of the weirdest bridge he’s ever seen when he turns to look back over his shoulder, smiling when he catches Simon pointing the camera at him. He hears the click, knows Simon probably has a million pictures of him staring at random things on the camera.

“Let me take some pictures,” Bram says, and Simon shakes his head.

“You’re such a pretty subject to photograph,” Simon says, snapping a picture as Bram’s face goes on a journey.

A guy their own age offers to take their picture for them, and they stand under an archway covered in small purple flowers, their arms slipping around each other easily. Bram kisses the top of Simon’s head, and he thinks that it’s got to be a good picture, Simon’s face lit up like the sun.

“Are you guys going to Pride this weekend?” the guy asks, and Simon nods as he takes back the camera. He doesn’t bother to look at the pictures, trusting the guy to have taken a decent shot since he’d been taking pictures on his own camera.

“We’re very excited,” Simon says, and the guy smiles.

“Is it your first time?”

“Our first time in the city, actually. We’re on our honeymoon,” Bram says as Simon puts the camera strap back around his neck. The guy’s face softens in that way Bram’s become accustomed to, the happy way other gay people react to a gay marriage.

The guy recommends a few good places to eat and tells them the best spots to enjoy the festivities, and then he’s waving at them as he jogs back over to catch up to his waiting boyfriend.

“I love San Francisco,” Simon says as they walk under the archway, and Bram nods.

“You’re telling me.”

They spend Thursday and Friday walking around the different areas of the city. Simon takes pictures of murals and the buildings and every single seagull he spots. Bram takes pictures of Simon when he isn’t looking, every restaurant they go into, and every single rainbow flag he spots. He organizes all the flag pictures into a folder on his phone.

They grab some sandwiches and drinks on Friday afternoon and head to the beach. Neither of them has ever been to the Pacific Ocean, so they set up a blanket and sit back on the sand, listening to the waves and the other people around them. Simon wants to stay to get pictures of the sunset, so Bram lays back on the blanket and closes his eyes for awhile.

“You know, it’s almost been ten years,” Simon says when Bram’s almost nodding off, and he opens his eyes to look up at his husband. Simon’s staring off into the distance, the sunlight casting a warm glow over his skin. Bram reaches over and takes his hand.

“Ten years?” he asks, his brain a little foggy from the calmness of it all, and Simon smiles down at him.

“Our first email. August 23rd, ten years ago.”

Bram pushes himself up and moves to sit right next to Simon, their hands still clasped between them. Simon’s placed the camera on the blanket near his legs, which gives Bram the opportunity to wrap his arms around Simon’s middle and tuck his face against Simon’s neck. Simon laughs happily as he leans back for a moment, rocking them slightly.

“Can you believe? Ten years!” Simon says against the top of Bram’s head, and Bram gently bites at Simon’s neck. Simon laughs some more, squeezing Bram’s shoulders. Bram pulls his face out of where he’s been hiding and rests his hand on Simon’s cheek.

“I’ve been in love with you for ten years,” he says quietly, and he feels the momentary shock go up Simon’s spine before he melts, his smile a little punch drunk.

“Babe,” Simon coos, his lips trembling as his smile stretches wider. “You can’t say things like that to me in public, I’ll start crying.”

“I had a massive crush on you before that, so really, I’ve liked you for about twelve years. The love part came a bit later,” Bram says, watching as Simon’s cheeks pink in the sunlight.

“I can’t believe you’re trying to make me cry in public,” Simon mumbles, ducking his head down to wipe up under his sunglasses. Bram swipes his thumb across Simon’s cheekbone and pulls Simon’s face back up. He pushes Simon’s sunglasses up into his hair, moving so his head blocks the sun from shining right into Simon’s eyes. Simon’s eyes are watery, but they’re bright and happy and Bram wishes he could take a picture of this moment.

“It’s our honeymoon,” Bram says softly, and Simon laughs.

“So that means you get to make me cry in public?”

“It means,” Bram says, cupping Simon’s jaw with both hands and tilting his head slightly, “that I get to tell you about how long you have, and how long I hope you will, occupy my heart.”

The smile on Simon’s face gets wider, if that’s possible.

“Can I say one thing, before you kiss me?”

“Who says I’m going to kiss you?”

“Bram, I could write a book about the ways in which I know you’re about to kiss me. Don’t act like you couldn’t write the same book.” Simon rolls his eyes, and Bram chuckles. Simon brings his hands up to cover Bram’s.

“In the spirit of saying sappy stuff from our high school days,” Simon says softly, his eyes holding Bram’s steady gaze. “The first time you sat at the lunch table with us, I ended up staring at you for a bit and Leah nudged me because she thought I had zoned out, when in reality, I was staring at your lips.”

They meet in the middle to press their lips together, Simon’s hands falling from his face to grip at Bram’s waist. A wave crashes on the shore, water spraying up the sand to where they’re sitting, and Simon moans softly.

“You’re my shore worth swimming to,” Simon says against Bram’s lips, and Bram chuckles, warm air brushing against Simon’s skin.

“I’d fight the waves to reach you,” Bram replies before he kisses Simon again.

Simon leans back on his hands, letting Bram rest against his chest as the sun begins to melt into the horizon. Bram pulls out his phone and turns it to get a good picture of all the colors, and Simon jerks his head towards the camera.

“Use it,” he says, kissing the top of Bram’s head.

Bram turns the camera on and takes off the cap, looking at the sunset through the viewfinder. The colors are so vivid and bright, the sky beginning to turn a purply pink. Bram takes a few pictures, angling the camera so there are no people in the shots. He smiles when he feels Simon kiss his temple.

“It’s almost too beautiful to capture,” Bram whispers, just loud enough for Simon to hear over the waves crashing on the shore. Simon takes the camera back, jostling Bram until he sits up.

“Excuse me.” Bram turns just as Simon takes the picture, and he shakes his head.

“Si, the whole roll has to be of me,” Bram says as he laughs, holding up his hand to cover his face. Simon keeps snapping pictures. “Let me take one of you.”

Simon looks at him critically for a moment before handing over the camera, and Bram smiles in thanks. He rolls his eyes as Simon makes a face but snaps the picture anyway.

“If you can take a million pictures of me, please let me take a few of you,” Bram intones, and Simon sighs. He looks down at his hands, and Bram takes the picture. Simon begins to smile and the camera clicks.

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do,” Simon looks up at Bram through his eyelashes. Another click.

“Just sit there and look pretty.” Bram winks at him, and Simon laughs suddenly, his hands coming up towards his chest. He hears the shutter, over and over, and Simon thinks it’ll be one of his favorite pictures from the trip.

Reaching over, Simon grabs Bram’s free hand, bending down slightly so he can press his lips to Bram’s fingertips. _Click._ Bram looks at Simon over the top of the camera, his eyes crinkling as he smiles.

The parade is the next day, and Simon’s up before Bram, jumping on his knees on the bed until Bram pushes him a little harder than he means, throwing Simon half off the bed. Bram grabs Simon’s hand before he tumbles, head first, onto the floor, and hauls him back until he’s secure in Bram’s arms, laughing hysterically.

“Please, go ahead and kill me, that’ll be a lovely story,” Simon teases, and Bram rolls his eyes, pushing Simon off him and going to sit up. Simon catches him around the shoulder, pulling Bram back and into his chest. Bram laughs in surprise, the blanket bouncing to cover his head as Simon wrestles him onto the bed. Simon wraps his legs around Bram’s middle and tightens.

“Gotcha,” Simon says in his ear, and Bram turns his head as he keeps laughing.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah!” Simon says like a challenge.

It takes them longer than they expected to get dressed, both giggling randomly as they throw clothes and underwear at each other. Simon eventually locks himself in the bathroom with his clothes, and Bram knocks on the door until Simon relents and lets him in.

Bram wears pink chino shorts, with a loose and half-open rainbow pinstriped button down shirt. He lets Simon pat glitter onto his chest, the task turning into making out against the bathroom counter, the glitter spilling into the sink. They scoop it out after, pouring it onto their hair and on their clothes. Simon’s wearing a rainbow sleeveless hoodie that Nora found him online, and even though it’s a little short, Simon loves it. He wears a pair of cut off shorts, and Bram spreads glitter on his stomach and hips, Simon giggling at the tickling sensation.

They’re close enough to the parade route that they walk, the cool morning air nipping at their exposed skin. The streets are filled with people, all wearing Pride colors. Bram smiles as Simon swings their hands between them, his face lit up in pure joy.

They head to where the guy from the tea garden told them was a good spot, down more towards the Embarcadero. They stand together in the crowd, both not saying anything as the people around them talk excitedly. There’s a woman walking through the crowd with a photographer, asking people questions and recording them. She spots Simon and Bram standing quietly together and walks over slowly, smiling at them when they see her.

“Hi, my name is Maggie and I’m from the _Bay Area Reporter_ , an LGBTQ+ newspaper covering the parade today. Mind if I ask you two a few questions?” she asks, and Bram looks at Simon before he nods.

“Sure,” Simon says, wrapping an arm around Bram’s waist. The woman smiles and presses something on her phone.

“Have you ever been to the San Francisco Pride events before?” she asks, and Bram shakes his head.

“No, this is our first time in the state,” he says, and Maggie’s face lights up.

“Your first time in California, nice! Did you come here just for Pride?”

“No,” Simon chuckles, looking up at Bram to smile. “We’re here on our honeymoon.”

Her eyes go soft and she looks at her photographer with a smile. The man holds up his camera, nodding as to ask permission, and then takes a picture of them.

“Where are you from?” Maggie asks as the photographer turns around to continue taking pictures of the crowd.

“We grew up in Georgia, but we live in New York,” Simon responds easily, leaning against Bram as someone moves behind them. Maggie makes a face.

“Georgia, ouch. Did you ever go to any Pride events there?”

“No, but we’ve been to the parade in New York,” Bram says.

“How does it compare to this one?”

Simon and Bram look at each other, and Bram’s vaguely aware that the camera man is taking pictures of them as they smile at each other.

“New York’s a lot hotter than it is here, for one,” Simon jokes, and Maggie laughs. “But I mean, it feels special right now, and maybe it’s because this is our honeymoon, and we’re just two gay kids from Georgia, but it feels like the very first time we went to Pride. Giddiness and excitement and a lot of gay emotions.”

Maggie laughs again, and takes their information for the piece. She signals her photographer with a quick wave of the hand, and then she’s gone.

Bram pulls his phone out when the parade starts and takes a picture of Simon. They’d taken a picture together in the full-length mirror back at the apartment, giggling as they tried to get one good shot. Bram’s sure he’ll make one of the outtakes his new home screen.

“Si,” he calls, and Simon looks over at him. Bram snaps the picture just as Simon smiles, someone behind him holding up a rainbow flag. The result is Bram’s favorite picture from the trip so far. When he shows Simon, his face lights up and he has Bram send it to him right away.

It’s getting dark when they leave the festivities, walking hand in hand back to the apartment. Simon’s beginning to fade, his excitement from earlier causing him to crash hard now, and Bram puts a steadying hand on his bare lower back as they ride the elevator to their floor.

“That was… the best day,” Simon says, and Bram laughs.

“There’s still tomorrow, too,” Bram says, and Simon smiles dreamily. He heads towards the bed when they get inside, but Bram stops him.

“We should shower before we cover the bed with glitter, babe,” Bram says, and Simon groans petulantly.

“You’re going to have to shower with me, otherwise, I’m going to fall over,” Simon says, a smirk forming on his face. Bram rolls his eyes and leads Simon into the bathroom. Getting Simon out of his clothes is the hardest part, but once Bram has him under the warm spray, Simon perks up a bit and starts to clean himself off. By the time Bram’s in the shower too, Simon has shampoo in his hair.

“I’m going to miss the glitter,” Simon says, watching the glittery water go down the drain. Bram chuckles and crowds in next to Simon, letting the water cascade over both of them. Simon wraps his arms around Bram’s waist, kissing his shoulder.

“I’ll have to find a way to wear that shirt to work,” Bram says, and Simon nods eagerly.

“Please wear the gay stripes to work, please,” he says excitedly, and Bram laughs. He grabs his shampoo and works it into his hair, frowning as the glitter goes down the drain.

“I’m going to miss the glitter, too,” he says after a moment, and Simon smiles triumphantly.

“I knew you’d concede.”

“Barely,” Bram replies, sighing as Simon runs a washcloth down his back, pressing kisses to Bram’s shoulders.

Bram turns around when Simon stops and takes the washcloth from him, squeezing more body wash onto it. He runs it over Simon’s chest, wrapping an arm around Simon’s lower back to steady him as he leans back, his head and shoulders falling against the tiled wall. Bram works most of the glitter off his husband’s chest before he cleans off his arms and neck. By the time Bram’s done, Simon’s eyes are closed and there’s a soft smile on his face. They’re both acutely aware of their dicks pressed between them, but it’s been a long day.

Bram gets Simon wrapped in a towel and sitting on the toilet seat once they’re done, using a smaller towel to ruffle Simon’s hair until most of the moisture has come out. Simon smiles up at Bram when he’s finished.

“You’re so good to me,” Simon mumbles, and Bram leans down to kiss his forehead.

“Only because you’re so good to me,” he replies, pulling Simon up and back towards the bedroom. He slaps the bathroom light off as he does, the bedroom lit by the lamp on the nightstand.

“Pajamas?” Bram asks, and Simon shakes his head. He undoes the towel from his waist and runs it over his body quickly before dropping it on the ground and jumping onto the bed. Bram laughs, eyes lingering on Simon’s back and ass, following them until they’re hidden under the blankets. Simon’s smirking at Bram when their eyes meet.

“Oh, won’t my husband come to bed,” Simon says, his voice high and comical. Bram brings his towel up to ruffle his own hair quickly, hoping that it’s mostly dry. He pulls back the duvet and slides across the sheets until he’s right next to Simon, both of them sighing happily at the skin to skin contact. Bram shuts off the lamp and the room goes dark except the sliver of light from the bright moon through the window.

“I love that word,” Bram whispers as Simon pulls the duvet up to their chins. Simon blinks at him, just barely visible as Bram’s eyes adjust to the dark.

“What word?”

“Husband,” Bram replies, and Simon lets out a happy sound.

“ _My husband_ ,” Simon whispers, and Bram feels himself shiver at the love he can hear in Simon’s voice.

“Remember when I was just your boyfriend?”

“ _Just my boyfriend,_  Bram, you say that like being my boyfriend wasn’t the most amazing,” Simon says, and Bram wraps an arm around Simon’s waist. His skin is soft there, and Bram absentmindedly thinks about kissing it.

“No, it absolutely was. I never got tired of saying boyfriend. It felt so wonderful,” Bram confesses, and Simon hums.

“I know. It… it never stopped feeling like the first time I ever said it,” Simon whispers, his hand coming out of the covers to trace along Bram’s jaw.

“Remember the first time we called each other fiancé, and how we both almost cried?” Bram’s voice wavers a little as Simon trails his fingers up over Bram’s ear, the light touch making him shiver.

“All I remember is the sex we had afterwards,” Simon says, and Bram huffs out a laugh. Simon’s hand goes back under the covers, trailing down Bram’s side until it curves around the small of his back. Simon’s beginning to lose his voice, and Bram’s trying not to react to how hot it sounds.

“That’s right up there with our wedding night,” Bram whispers, and Simon moans low in his throat. His hand slips around until it’s cupping Bram’s ass.

“You know, for this being our honeymoon, we haven’t had a lot of mind-blowing sex,” Simon teases, and Bram rolls his eyes. He reaches down and grabs Simon’s hand, pulling it up until it’s at Bram’s lips, kissing his fingers gently.

“Isn’t that kind of heteronormative of you, to think that’s all a honeymoon should be?” Bram asks, and Simon rolls his eyes.

“Don’t pull that on me, Abraham Louis Greenfeld-Spier. That’s my line,” Simon protests as Bram pushes him onto his back, pinning his hand above his head. Before Simon can reach up, Bram has his other hand pinned to the bed as well. Simon’s breath hitches a little, Bram settling into the space between his legs. Simon gazes up at Bram with a smile on his face.

“I love you,” Simon says, his voice cracking a little. It reminds Bram of when Simon’s voice had changed slightly during senior year, dropping just a little lower. Simon shifts his hips up, and Bram swallows thickly.

“I thought you were tired,” Bram says, and Simon shakes his head, smiling.

“Bram, darling, I’m never tired of you.” Simon brings his legs up to wrap around Bram’s waist as he says it, and Bram shakes his head, gripping Simon’s wrists a bit tighter. Simon’s eyes flutter.

“I love you,” Bram whispers as he bends down to kiss his husband, and if they don’t get to the festivities tomorrow until late in the day, it’ll all be worth it.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is like... my second favorite chapter. i think. it’s hard to pick. and i’m from san francisco so this was... ahh i cried. all places mentioned are real, including that little place with the clam chowder that i haven’t been to in years. and the Bay Area Reporter is a real magazine as well. 
> 
> also, i’ve been trying to make sure you’re at least vaguely aware of how old they are in each of these but if you don’t catch it or i forgot an age reference, i can let you know. i actually typed out a timeline to keep it all straight haha
> 
> next chapter is number thirty-three on the prompt list. :)


	17. on a post it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’ll call this ‘mature’ for literally the last scene only. this is more honeymoon phase fluff. bring tissues.

  1. **On a post-it note**



When Simon wakes up in the morning, the bed next to him is still warm, but the apartment is quiet. The sun’s just starting to rise, and he can hear the group of birds in the tree down below, making far too much noise for ass-crack in the morning. He rolls over and shoves his face in Bram’s pillow, missing the body that was just there, probably not but thirty minutes ago.

A crinkling noise catches his attention and he sits up, fumbling with his glasses on the nightstand. Turning on the light just makes his eyes hurt, and he blinks a couple times before he can look around without giving himself a headache. He pushes his glasses up on his nose and looks at the bed next to him, smiling as his eyes land on a piece of blue-green construction paper. His heart constricts in his chest.

_ P.S. I love the way you cuddle up to me when I come to bed, as if even in sleep, you want to be closer to me. _

Simon looks around the bed for a moment before sighing and holding the note to his chest.

“It’s going to be a good day,” he says to their cat, Ariana, as she lazes at the end of the bed.

\---

The next note is on his lunch, which Bram apparently made for him. He picks up the plain blue lunch pail he’d found at Target during back-to-school season and smiles at the little note taped to the side, again on the same color construction paper.

_ I love the way you hold your pen between your teeth as you grade, forget it’s there, and then momentarily panic before remembering it’s in your mouth. _

Simon laughs at that, sticking the note into his jacket pocket with the other. Ariana meows at him from the floor and he bends down to pet her before he sets about making his coffee and breakfast. He picks up his phone as the coffee begins to brew and pulls up his call list, clicking on the name at the top.

“Good morning, my love,” Bram answers after the second ring, and Simon can hear the smile on his face, the crinkles that are definitely by his eyes. Simon sighs and leans against the counter.

“Why do you have to be at work so early?” Simon whines, and Bram laughs softly. Simon can hear someone talking in the background, and Bram says something before it’s quiet again.

“Because it was the only way to get Monday off,” Bram replies matter-of-factly, and Simon pulls a face.

“Next question. Have I mentioned how proud I am of you lately, getting all of these new responsibilities and bigger cases?” Simon asks as the coffee finishes, moving to grab his travel mug. He has ten minutes until he has to leave.

“Better question. Have I told you how proud I am of you lately, getting all of this recognition by your school, coworkers, and parents for the good work you’re doing for the kids?”

Simon smiles as he puts some sugar in his coffee.

“We should probably just agree to be mutually proud and in love, don’t you think? It’ll save us a bunch of time, and I have to leave in like eight minutes.” Simon puts away the sugar as Bram laughs.

“I’ll pick you up from work later?” Bram asks as a phone rings in the background.

“You’d really drive into Brooklyn to get me?”

“Simon, it’s our 10-year anniversary. I’d drive into Jersey to get you, and you know how much I hate that tunnel.”

“Okay, okay,” Simon laughs, slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder before picking up his lunch and travel mug. “Just one more thing. How many more notes am I going to find today?”

Bram hums. “One for every year I’ve loved you.”

\---

Simon finds the next note in his folder of lesson plans as he sits on the bus. He rarely drives to work, hating the commute and the struggle to find parking, even though he’s afforded a teacher parking spot. So, he spends his mornings on the bus, looking through his plans for the day. When he opens the folder, a piece of construction paper is sitting on top.

_ I love how dedicated you are to your work, and the extra stuff you do to make sure your students succeed. _

Simon smiles all the way to school.

\---

He stumbles upon the next one while he’s in class, doing a movement exercise with the kids. They’ve shoved all of the desks against the wall, and the kids are standing on the shapes they’d made on the floor at the beginning of the year with tape. Everyone is staring at Simon expectantly, ready to go.

“Alright, who wants to write on the board first?” he asks, and they all raise their hands. He closes his eyes and waves his arm around at random until he stops. When he opens his eyes, he smiles when he realizes he’s picked one of the quietest kids in his class, a girl named Rose. She wears glasses too big for her head; they’re a bright yellow to contrast with her dark skin, and she rarely raises her hand or speaks ever. Simon beckons her up and she ducks her head as she walks to the front of the class.

“Here, Rose, pick a color,” he says, and she reaches for the purple pen with a smile.

“Alright, now pick someone to start the chain,” he says, and she turns around. As she looks around the room, deciding between her classmates, Simon shoves his hand in his back pocket, and he feels the piece of paper. Rose picks one of the boys near the front, Adam, who picks a random word for her to write on the board. Simon pulls the piece of paper out and unfolds it.

_ I love the way you still wear your hair like you did in high school, with that perpetual bed head. _

Simon’s smiling at the piece of paper and doesn’t realize his students are all looking at him, expecting him to continue running the exercise.

“Mr. Spier?” Larissa calls, and he looks up at them. His cheeks are burning and they all look at each other in confusion.

“Are you okay?” someone in the back asks; Madeline, Simon thinks, and he nods.

“Fine, sorry, good word choice, Adam! Now, let’s create the chain.”

\---

It’s after recess, and Simon gives his students five minutes to sit and relax in the classroom before they start again. Most of them quietly file into their desks and talk among friends. Some of the boys stand around and have animated discussions. Most of them drink a lot of water.

Simon’s just about to get their attention when there’s a knock at his door. The school’s secretary, an older woman named Judy, pushes the door open and peeks her head in. The students all look at her expectantly, because it usually means someone’s being pulled from class.

“Hi, Ms. Judy!” they all call, and Judy smiles at them. She opens the door wider, and a bouquet of flowers comes into view. The kids all gasp, and Simon’s cheeks heat up.

“Mr. Spier, these came for you,” Judy says, winking at him as she places the vase down on an empty spot on Simon’s desk. He stares at them a moment before looking up at Judy, trying to find words.

“Thank you, Judy,” he says, and she smiles.

“Big day?” she asks, and he nods.

“Ten years,” he says, and her eyes sparkle as she puts together what that means, knowing his age. Everyone on staff knows Simon’s gay, and has met Bram at staff parties and lunches, but only a few know more than what’s on the surface.

“That’s wonderful, Simon,” she says quietly, so the kids can’t hear, turning to wave at the classroom before leaving. As the door clicks behind her, Simon notices the note attached to the stems of the red tulips.

_ I love how you helped make me a better person, challenging me to reach my dreams, and stayed with me during the roughest of times. _

“Mr. Spier, is today special?” Katie asks from the front row of desks, and Simon smiles at her.

“Every day is special, Katie. It’s time to get back to work.”

\---

His best work friend is already sitting at their usual table when lunch rolls around, and Simon sighs as he drops his lunch pail onto the table and sits down.

“Long morning?” Max asks, and Simon shakes his head.

“No, good morning. Just hungry,” Simon says, taking a drink from his water bottle. Max already has his food spread out, and he’s scrolling through his phone as he munches on his salad.

“Judy said you received a bouquet of red tulips around recess. Now, I’m no flower expert, so I googled it, but red tulips symbolize undying love,” Max says as he holds up his phone, showing Simon a webpage. Simon already knows this, because he’d googled it while the class had been reading.

“Uh-huh.” Simon nods, unzipping his lunch. He flips up the lid, and smiles when he sees the next note, taped to the top of the small container of hummus.

“What’s this?” Max asks as their other friend, Jenny, sits down at the table.

“What’s what?” she asks, and Simon pulls the note to his chest, glaring at both of them.

“Simon received a bouquet of red tulips, which symbolize undying love,” Max informs her, and Simon shakes his head as he unfolds the note.

_ I love the way your face lights up when I give you flowers, like it’s the very first time, sitting in your car during the spring of junior year. _

“Simon, is today some kind of anniversary? I thought you guys got married in the fall?” Jenny asks, pulling the food out of her lunch bag. Simon puts the note in his pocket, smiling.

“We did,” he replies, Jenny and Max looking at each other.

“And it was like two years ago. And you’re getting red tulips?”

Simon looks at them, the smile on his face unwavering. They’re mostly messing with him, like they always do to each other, and Simon thinks about how good of friends they really are.

“We actually, uh.” Simon pauses, his smile too big to talk through. He tries to tone it down. “It’s our 10-year anniversary, this weekend. We – we met in high school, and have been together since then.”

Jenny’s face goes on a journey until she’s smiling so widely her eyes are almost shut, and she leans over to hug Simon. Max smiles in awe at Simon, nodding as Simon pats Jenny on the back.

“So the tulips are just like… a reminder,” Max says, and Simon nods.

“Yeah, I suppose they are.”

\---

Simon finds the next two notes when his students are over at the gym for P.E. He refills his water bottle in the staff lounge before settling in at his desk and going over some of the work from the morning. He has an alarm set on his phone to remind himself when to go get the students, so he opens his notebook where he keeps a journal of his lessons. He flips to the next blank page and smiles. There are two more notes, taped delicately to the page.

_ I love the gentle way you rub my neck when I’m stressed, or resting on your chest, with just your fingertips. _

_ I love the ways in which you make me laugh, always keeping me on my toes with your sense of humor. _

Simon doesn’t get much work done after that.

\---

He finds the ninth note as he’s getting ready to clean up, after all of his students have left. Water splashes on his face as he washes some of the art supplies, and it splatters onto his glasses. He sighs to himself, and has to wait until he’s back in his classroom to get his cleaning cloth.

When he opens his glasses case, he finds another note. His heart skips a beat when he unfolds it.

_ And I still love your moon-gray eyes. _

Simon smiles as he cleans off his glasses, shoving the note in his pocket with the others.

\---

Bram’s leaning against the passenger door of his car when Simon walks out, the vase of tulips held tight against his side. He ignores the looks he’s getting from his coworkers as he walks over to Bram, who looks up as soon as Simon’s near.

“Hey, you,” Bram says, smiling widely. He’s still dressed in his dress pants, crisp white dress shirt, and blazer, but his top buttons are undone and his tie is in the backseat of the car. Simon tries to control his stare.

“Hey, yourself, help me with this vase of tulips someone sent me today,” Simon jokes, and Bram shakes his head. He takes the vase from Simon and pulls on the strap of Simon’s bag until they’re close enough for Bram to kiss his cheek.

“A special someone?” Bram plays along, and Simon rolls his eyes. Bram opens the passenger door for him and Simon rolls his eyes again when he sees Max and Jenny watching from across the parking lot.

“Some weirdo that’s been in love with me for ten years, can you imagine that?” Simon says, Bram leaning against the top of the car so their faces are close. Bram smiles at him, and from this angle, Simon can see his eyes are crinkling under his sunglasses.

“I can imagine that,” Bram whispers, and Simon reaches up to kiss him gently.

“I love you,” Simon says, and Bram grins.

“I’m not done yet.”

\---

The tenth note is sitting on top of a white bakery box when they get home, and Simon’s suspicious. They settle in, moving around each other to get ready to relax after a long week, the three-day weekend open before them. Simon walks into the kitchen after changing into sweats and one of Bram’s soft shirts to find Bram holding the white box in his hands, smiling.

“What is this? You know my gift isn’t nearly this elaborate or… breathtaking,” Simon says, and Bram shrugs.

“I don’t care,” he replies, and Simon takes the box from his hands. He holds the note in one hand as he lifts the lid. Bram shifts on his feet. “The dessert is more of a… well, I saw it on my lunch and had to get it for you.”

It’s a slice of what looks like a cake roll, and by the smell alone, Simon knows it’s going to taste like Oreos. His eyes water a little and he blinks rapidly. He holds the box out and Bram takes it, so Simon can open the note.

_ I love you, in every season, through every year, from 100 miles apart to right next to me in bed. I love you through every hardship and every good time, through whatever the future holds. I love you. I love you. I love you. _

Simon looks up at Bram, and now he’s actually crying, and Bram’s put the box down so Simon can launch himself into Bram’s open arms. Bram sways them slightly, Simon pressing his face into the fabric of Bram’s shirt.

“Remember when, after you made me cry during our first dance, you told me you hadn’t been good at verbalizing how much you loved me over the years? You can stop making up for that now, I think I’m going to burst,” Simon says, and Bram chuckles. “What I had planned pales in comparison now, and I don’t even want to say it.”

“Si, I’m not trying to ‘make up’ for anything. I thought it was a nice way to bookend ten years, writing you the notes. You told me you didn’t find the second note until the day of the carnival, so it seemed fitting. Please tell me what you had planned, please,” Bram says, and Simon shakes his head.

“It’s nowhere near this romantic,” Simon says, looking up at Bram. His cheeks are pink, and he’s biting his bottom lip, which tells Bram enough to take a guess.

“Was it something sexual?” he asks, and Simon pushes away from him, laughing self-deprecatingly.  

“Maybe. Maybe I wanted to kiss my husband all over and take my time with him in bed because we have three days off together. Maybe I wanted to edge you for an hour, just because, or maybe I wanted to just cuddle. Maybe I wanted to do all of that, but it all feels kinda dumb after receiving ten love notes and flowers that mean undying love,” Simon says, his face bright red now. Bram swallows thickly, his hands flexing at his sides.

“None of that sounds dumb,” he says lowly, and Simon uncrosses his arms.  

“Oh?” Simon says, playing with the pockets on his sweats. Bram nods, thinking about the vague plan he’d made in his head for the evening.

“Are you hungry?” he asks, and Simon shakes his head.

“Not particularly,” he says, and Bram nods.

“Is all of that… is all of that still something you’d like to do?” Bram asks, and Simon smiles at him.

“Did my little speech get you hot?” Simon says, teasing, but only just. Bram walks over to his husband, crowding Simon against the counter. Simon places his hands flat on Bram’s chest, looking up at him through his eyelashes.

“Of course it did. My husband talking about hot sex? That’s bound to get any guy a little hot,” Bram says softly, right before Simon kisses him, his hands coming up to cup Bram’s face.

They can order take-out later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)))))))))) this is like, one of my top 5 chapters. i just... warm. so happy and god i love this. 
> 
> also, i’m going on vacation at the end of this week. it shouldn’t mess with the posting schedule because all of these are already typed and i’m just uploading them as we go, but who knows. just a warning if i miss a day. 
> 
> next chapter is number thirty four on the list.


	18. before we jump.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. :)

  1. **Before we jump**



“And this is it? She’s staying for good?”

“Yes, Mom,” Simon says into the phone, squished between his ear and shoulder. He shakes out the blanket in his hands and folds it over the end of the bed, standing up straight to survey the room. It’s perfect.

“Are you excited? This is your daughter, you’re going to be a dad,” Emily says, her voice softening. “I’m going to be a grandmother, holy shit.”

“Yeah, we’re really excited. I don’t think Bram’s stopped fretting over her new bedroom, he constantly walks in and moves something. It’s beginning to drive me up the wall,” Simon says as he leaves the bedroom and walks down the hall to the stairs. He can hear Bram in the kitchen, and he follows the noise to find his husband putting away the dishes.

“You can’t be that mad, honey, he’s excited,” Emily says as Simon kisses Bram on the cheek. Bram smiles at him, closing the dishwasher. He leans against the counter, drying his hands off on a towel, and Simon pokes his stomach.

“I know, Mom. But if he moves the dresser one more time,” Simon says, and Bram laughs, poking Simon’s stomach and moving away towards the fridge.

“Tell your mom you’re the one who keeps fluffing the blankets,” Bram says loudly, and Simon sticks his tongue out as his mother laughs in his ear.

\---

They’d met Alice four months ago, when their adoption agent had handed them three files of children she thought would be a good fit in their home. The process up to that point had been a brutal examination of their lives, complete with numerous home inspections, background checks, reference checks, and countless interviews. But they knew all of that going in, had spent weeks talking about how to handle the added stress and the possibility that they’d be denied.

They’d moved, before the process had begun, into a house in Queens that Bram had heard about through one of his work friends. They were renting, for the time being, but the owner had said that the second they decided to sell, the house was theirs. They had talked about that too, the solid belief that they wanted to move into a home and knowing they couldn’t move so soon after adopting a child. 

The first time they’d met Alice had been at the agency, in a little room down a short hallway that was filled with books and toys to play with. Simon had sat down on the floor and started to read one of the books aloud, Bram joining him after a moment. Alice watched them carefully before sitting down across from them and listening. By the time Simon had finished the book, Alice’s shoulders were relaxed and she didn’t look spooked. The rest of the visit had been Simon and Bram introducing themselves to Alice and answering the very few questions she did ask.

“Do you have pets?”

“A cat, named Ariana. We call her Ari, or Stinker when she’s being naughty.”

Alice had laughed, quietly. When they’d left later, Simon had grabbed Bram’s arm, and they both knew.

The second time they visited Alice, she brought a book from the orphanage she lived in. Simon and Bram were already sitting on the floor when she walked in, and she stalled at the door before she held the book out for Bram to take.

Bram read the book, trying his best to emulate Simon and his ability to turn any short children’s book into something more, and Alice sat a little closer to them. She clapped politely when Bram was finished, taking the book back quietly. Simon spent the next ten or so minutes asking her questions, about her favorite food, color, type of animal, movie. Alice answered them all in a quiet voice, but the more they spoke, the more her posture opened. When they left that time, their agent had given them a hopeful smile.

Alice visited them at home a week later, and she’d immediately walked over to where Ariana was sleeping on her perch, looking up at her with longing in her eyes. When Bram offered to lift her up to pet the cat, Alice held her hands up. Simon almost started crying as Bram lifted Alice onto his hip, holding her steady and instructing her on how to pet Ariana gently. The cat meowed and started to purr, and Alice giggled softly.

They showed her which room would be hers, telling her that she could decorate it however she wanted. She was quiet for a while after that, staring at the empty walls and plainly made bed. Before she left that day, she held her arms up to Bram and he lifted her onto his hip again.

“Can I have a pink blanket for my bed?” she’d asked, and Bram had nodded.

“We can definitely get you a pink blanket. We’ll even let you pick it out yourself,” he’d whispered in her ear, aware that Simon was watching them with the widest smile on his face. Their agent was gently patting Simon on the back.

“Thank you,” Alice had said, wiggling to be let down.

Their agent had arranged a longer home visit after that, and they took Alice to the store to pick out any pink blanket she wanted. She’d picked one that had little white flowers around the border and held it in her arms the whole drive home. She went to sleep that night with her stuffed bunny under her arm, the pink blanket tucked up to her chin.

It all started to fall into place after that, and two days after school ended for the summer, their agent called them to tell them they were going to be able to bring Alice home. And as long as the three-month supervision period went well, and their petition to adopt went through the system, she’d be their adopted daughter.  

They were going to be parents.

\---

“How nervous are you?” Simon asks as Bram paces the living room, his knuckle in his mouth. He stops for a moment and looks down at Simon, trying to smile.

“Only a little,” Bram lies, and Simon holds out his hands, gesturing for Bram to sit down. Bram falls onto the couch next to Simon, letting out a long sigh.

“Why are you so nervous?” Simon asks, and Bram moves to bring his knuckle back to his mouth. Simon stops him by grabbing his hands and holding them in his lap.

“We’re going to be parents. What if we suck?”

“We won’t suck.” Simon laughs, and Bram glares at him.

“But what if we do? Melanie said herself, Alice has some attachment issues, ones we’ve seen. What if we don’t do enough to make her feel secure? What if we don’t make it through the supervision period? Oh, god, they’re going to take her away.” Bram leans back against the couch, and Simon rolls his eyes, reaching up to gently slap Bram’s chest with the back of his hand.

“Darling, you know I love you, but you need to breathe.”

Bram glares at Simon out of the corner of his eye.

“You’re too calm about all of this,” Bram says as he sits up, pulling Simon’s hand to his lips and kissing his fingertips. Simon fights the urge to smile and loses.

“One of us has to remain calm. How that came to be me is a total mystery,” Simon jokes, scooting over so their thighs are pressed together. Bram takes a deep breath and puts his arm around Simon’s shoulders.

“You’re not even a little nervous?”

“Bram, I’m fucking terrified. But we’ve had Alice here, her room is all set up, she knows us and seems to like us. I think we’ll do just fine,” Simon says softly, looking over at the clock. Melanie said she was bringing Alice over at four and they had four minutes until then.

“She does seem to like us, huh?” Bram looks over at Simon, and they smile at each other.

“If her utter breakdown at Melanie telling her she had to leave last time is an indicator of anything, it’s that she’s grown attached to us in some way. It’s just going to be a lot of work,” Simon whispers the last part, closing his eyes as Bram leans in so their noses touch. Simon’s stomach erupts in butterflies, a reaction he can’t seem to shake, even after fourteen years.

“I just… I can’t believe it’s finally happening. We’re going to be parents,” Bram whispers after a moment, their foreheads touching, eyes closed. Simon smiles, smoothing his hand down Bram’s arm.

“We’re going to be hot dads,” Simon says, and Bram leans back as he laughs. Simon smiles to himself, knowing a good laugh always helps with Bram’s nervous energy. When Bram looks at him again, his face is soft.

“I love you,” Bram says, and Simon winks at him.

The doorbell sounds, and they stare at each other, their smiles growing. Simon stands and runs his hands down the front of his jeans, looking over his shoulder to see Bram straightening out the couch pillows.

Melanie is standing there when he opens the door, a bright smile on her face, Alice standing at her side. She’s holding her stuffed bunny and a pink pillow, and when she sees Bram walking up behind Simon, she smiles.

“Hi, guys,” Melanie says, looking down at Alice. “Do you want to show them what you brought?”

Alice holds up the pillow, shaking it a bit until Bram takes it from her. Simon steps back and lets them walk inside, Alice hovering right near Bram.

“Is this your pillow?” Bram asks, bending at the knee to balance on his haunches so he’s eye level with Alice. She nods, reaching out to pinch the fabric between her fingers.

“Like my bed,” she says, and Bram smiles at her.

“Just like your bed. We can make everything pink,” he says, Simon and Melanie moving into the kitchen to talk. Alice’s face lights up, and she shuffles on her feet.

“I’m live here now?” she whispers, her eyes wide as she looks up at Bram. Her brown hair is tied up today, in braids that hang on her shoulders, and Bram takes a moment to really look at the green of her eyes.

“Yes, you live here now. We’re your family,” he replies, just as quietly, and she nods. She blinks as she looks around, and he thinks he sees her bottom lip quivering.

“Never go away again?”

Bram sucks in a sharp breath, and he holds out his hand for her. She looks at him before launching herself into his arms, wrapping her arms around his neck. He stands, supporting her with an arm under her bottom, and walks into the kitchen. Melanie and Simon look up as he walks in, both smiling widely.

“I just need one signature from you, Bram,” Melanie says, and Bram nods. He smiles at Simon as he takes the pillow from his left arm, accepting the pen Melanie hands him.

“It’s just the packet I gave you two about the supervision period, and signing just states that you understand the packet and are going to adhere to the schedule, which you already have.” She takes the pen when Bram’s done, putting the cap back on. She smiles at Alice attached to his neck. “I don’t foresee any major complications, though.”

Alice pops her head up out of Bram’s neck and looks at Melanie.

“You’re leaving?” she asks, and Melanie nods.

“I’ll come back to visit you in a week,” Melanie says, and Alice nods. Simon’s watching her closely, and when her face doesn’t crumble, all three adults share glances.

Melanie leaves after saying a quick goodbye to Alice and setting up her next visit. Alice is still clinging to Bram when Simon shuts the door, and as soon as Simon walks back into the kitchen, she’s holding out her arms to him.

“Hi, peanut,” he says, and she giggles.

“Not a peanut,” she says, ducking her head down, and Simon shakes his head.

“No, you’re definitely a peanut. Or are you a cashew?”

“No, peanut!” Alice yells, a smile on her face. Bram walks over so he’s right next to Simon, and she looks between them carefully. Her eyes go a little unfocused for a moment, and then she’s beaming at them again.

“What do I call you?” she asks, and Bram looks at Simon before answering.

“What do you mean?” Bram asks, and she crosses her arms. The orphanage had warned them that she was very perceptive, and a little too smart for her own good. They’d quickly found out just how true that was.

“You aren’t a mom,” she says, looking at Simon, and he shakes his head.

“No, I’m not,” he says as he chuckles, and her eyebrows come together.

“No mom?” she asks, and they shake their heads.

“No mom,” Bram says, and she nods.

“But two dads,” she says, Simon fighting to control the smile that wants to break out on his face.

“Two dads,” Bram agrees, and she nods.

“If you want,” Simon says, looking at Bram. “You can call me Dad, and him Papa.”

They’d talked about this at length, laying in bed at night or over breakfast on Sundays. It just seemed easier to pick two different sounding words for a small child, and after Bram finally convinced Simon that papa was used far more frequently for dad than grandpa, they’d agreed on the terms.

“Dad… and Papa,” Alice says, looking between them. Her lips turn up slightly, and she places her hands on Simon’s chest.

“If you want,” Bram says, because in the end, it’s not something they can force on Alice. They don’t know what kind of impressions were left on her before she was left at the orphanage right before her first birthday. And they both know how heteronormative the world is, so they aren’t expecting it to immediately click for her.

“Dad,” Alice points at Simon, not meeting his eyes but staring at his nose. She doesn’t meet their eyes yet, and that’s fine. “And Papa.” She looks at Bram’s forehead, pointing at his chest.

“Yeah,” Simon says quietly, and Alice nods.

“Okay!” she wiggles until Simon sets her down, and then she’s off and running into the living room. She comes back in after a moment, grabbing her pillow before disappearing again. Simon looks at Bram, his eyes a little watery, and Bram wraps his arms around his husband.

“Why were we worried?” Simon asks, and Bram laughs.

“I’ll remember you said that when she’s thirteen and telling you how much she hates your guts,” Bram says, and Simon gasps.

“She would never, you’ll be the one whose guts she hates,” Simon replies, pushing away from Bram to walk towards the living room. Bram catches him around the middle, pulling Simon back into his chest.

“She’ll hate us both,” Bram says, and Simon laughs, squirming as Bram nuzzles his nose into Simon’s neck.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so full disclosure; i named their first child alice in my fic ‘brought me out of my chrysalis’ as a nod to the fact that they’d erased alice in the movies, but then i kept it here bc... well, that fic is loosely related to this universe. if you haven’t read it, it doesn’t give anything away in this fic bc i wrote it weeks before this. 
> 
> also, the adoption process isn’t like... 100% accurate tbh. probably. i know the general process but i don’t know the timeline. so there’s that. 
> 
> anyway, :)))))))
> 
> next chapter is number twenty five on the list.


	19. a sigh.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating.

  1. **In a blissful sigh as you fall asleep**



Simon’s sitting on the couch in the living room, watching as Alice plays with Ariana, when his phone rings. He reaches over towards the phone without looking, unable to stop watching as Ari lays on her back, letting Alice run her fingers through her fur. Ari being good with kids was the happy surprise they hadn’t seen coming.

“Hey, you,” Simon answers, melting back into the cushions. “How’s Oregon?”

“It’s beautiful, as always! How’s my little name twin?” Alice asks, and Simon grins.

“She’s currently playing with Ari on the living room floor. Just another thing you and her have in common: an undying love for my cat,” Simon says, and Alice laughs.

“Do you know how much shit Nora gives me daily because you adopted a kid with my name and not hers? You better buy her a bitchin’ Christmas present, or she’ll never forgive you.” Alice laughs, just loud enough for Simon to pull the phone away from his ear. Alice in his living room looks up at him, and he smiles at her. She goes back to petting Ari.

“I’m sending her money, is that good?” Simon asks, listening as Alice hums.

“Everyone loves money, Si. Especially recent college graduate who’s back to living at home Nora.”

“She loves it,” Simon replies as he sits up, resting his elbows on his knees. Ari turns over onto her stomach, her tail twitching, before she shoots off across the room. Alice looks at where she once was, and then stands to walk over to Simon.

“Dad, Ari ran away,” Alice says, and it catches the attention of his sister, Alice.

“Is that my little namesake? Tell her I love her.”

“Remember Aunt Alice?” Simon asks, and Alice nods. “She’s on the phone, and she says she loves you.”

“Okay,” Alice says, moving away, and Simon pulls the phone away as his sister squawks.

“I’ll get that child to love me,” Alice vows, and Simon rolls his eyes.

“Was there a point to this phone call?” he asks impatiently, and he hears a door open on her end.

“Yes, what does she want for Christmas?”

“We’ve asked her, and she doesn’t have many wants. You could get her something special for her room though, she likes to collect pretty things to put on her dresser and the desk we have in there.”

“Hmm.” It goes quiet on the other end of the phone, Simon zoning out as he watches Alice sit down on the floor in front of the tree.

“I’ll find something special for the most special girl,” Alice vows in his ear, and Simon smiles.

“Thanks, Ali.”

Keys jingle in the front door as Simon hangs up the phone, and Alice shoots up off the floor, running down the hallway. Simon smiles when he hears the door open and Alice squeal. He didn’t think anyone could beat him in excitement at Bram coming home from work, but Alice is right up there.

“Papa!” she yells, and Simon hears things drop to the floor. He stands and walks around the corner into the entryway, smiling as Bram stands up with Alice in his arms, his bag on the floor.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Bram says to Alice, kissing the top of her head. He sets his keys on the hook and kicks off his shoes, smiling at Simon as he walks over to grab Bram’s bag. “Hi, love.”

“Welcome home,” Simon says, kissing his cheek. Alice kisses Bram’s other cheek, probably a little messy, and Bram smiles wider.

“I love this welcome home brigade,” he teases, and Simon rolls his eyes. Alice watches them interact and then rolls her eyes as well. Or, well, she tries, but it ends with her blinking rapidly.

“Oh, teaching her how to roll her eyes early?” Bram asks, walking down the hall and into the living room. He plops down on the couch, Alice giggling as she bounces in his arms. She curls up on his chest, tucking her head under his chin, and Simon sits down next to them.

“She’d learn eventually,” Simon mumbles, tilting his head back to look up at Bram. Leaning over, Bram kisses him gently.

“Hi,” Bram whispers, and Simon fights off the fluttering in his chest with a proverbial stick.

“Why do I still feel like I’m seventeen every time you do that?” Simon asks, and Bram laughs softly, resting his head against the back of the couch.

“I could ask you the same question. If you figure it out, please let me know.”

Simon smiles and rests his head against Bram’s shoulder, his eyes settling on Alice’s face. Her eyes are closed, her face calm, and he thinks he understands what she’s feeling.

“I got a call earlier,” Bram says after a moment, and Simon hums.

“That’s vague,” Simon replies, and Bram chuckles.

“It was from Melanie.”

Simon sits up straight, ever nerve in his body on edge. Bram’s face is still calm, his hand moving in soothing motions on Alice’s back. She’s completely oblivious to the anxiety rolling off Simon.

“What – what did she say?” Simon asks, his throat threatening to close on him. Bram reaches over and touches Simon’s knee, rubbing his thumb there.

“Our paperwork went through,” Bram practically whispers, and Simon’s eyes snap to Bram’s face, their gazes meeting. Bram’s eyes are a little wet, and he’s beginning to smile. “The adoption is official.”

Alice sits up then, looking between her new parents. She reaches up and touches the tears that are beginning to roll down Bram’s face, and he laughs wetly. Simon brings his hands up to cover his face, taking in a deep breath.

“You just thought to tell me now? When did she call?”

“On my drive home. I wanted to see this in person, to be able to kiss you when I told you,” Bram says, and Simon leans his forehead on Bram’s shoulder, laughing happily.

“It’s official? We don’t have to sign anything?”

“We already did. It just needed the agency’s stamp of approval and a judge’s signature, which it now has. We did it,” Bram says, jostling Simon off his shoulder. When Simon looks up, Bram leans in and kisses him.

“It’s official! We did it! Oh my god,” Simon gasps out, reaching over to cup Alice’s head. She’s staring at them still, and she reaches over to touch the wetness on Simon’s cheeks.

“Why are you crying?” she asks, and Simon laughs again, the sound bubbling up out of his chest.

“Because, peanut, we didn’t know if we got to keep you forever until today.”

“Forever?” she asks, her forehead creasing. Bram nods, bouncing her on his lap.

“We’ve always wanted to keep you forever, but a judge had to sign the paperwork saying it was legal,” Bram says, and Alice nods like she understands.

“I’m never leaving?” she says, and Simon nods at her.

“Nope. You’re our daughter forever,” he says, and her face lights up. She throws her arms around his neck, launching herself off Bram’s stomach. Bram grimaces but laughs as Simon hugs Alice to his chest.

“But you’re crying,” Alice says, patting Simon’s cheeks. She’s staring at his chin, brow furrowed.

“Because I’m so happy, peanut. We love you so much, and we would’ve been sad if we had to give you back,” he says, and she nods, hiding her face in his neck. Simon smiles as Bram wraps his arms around Simon, careful to not squish Alice between them.

“So happy,” Bram whispers, kissing the shell of Simon’s ear.

\---

It’s late when Alice finally starts to tire, laying on the rug in front of the Christmas tree. She had decorated the bottom half all on her own, with ornaments they’d let her pick out at the store. She sits in front of the tree more often than not, and Simon’s camera roll is filled with pictures of her gazing up at it in awe.

“I’ll carry her,” Simon says, picking Alice up off the floor as Bram stands up from the desk, stretching his back. He turns off the desk lamp and follows Simon out of the living room, turning off the lights as they go. Simon waits for Bram at the bottom of the stairs, shifting Alice in his arms. Her hand grips the front of his shirt, and Bram smiles at her warmly as he walks over to them.

“Finally,” he whispers, touching her cheek. He leans in and kisses Simon on the cheek before moving up the stairs.

Simon walks with Alice into her room, Bram turning on the light behind him. She keeps it relatively clean for a three-year-old, though there isn’t much to clutter the floor. Her prized possessions are laid out on the desk near the window, and her stuffed animals all sit in order on her bed. She’s meticulous about their order, claiming a few of them don’t get along.

“Alice, peanut. It’s time for bed,” Simon whispers as he pulls the blankets back, and she whines as she grips his shirt. She shakes her head, her arms flailing until she has a grip around his neck, holding tight. Bram looks at Simon and sighs, but he’s smiling as he does.

“Honey, you have to use your words,” Bram says, placing a hand on her back. She turns her head so she’s looking at him, her eyes focused on his chin.

“Sleep with you,” she mumbles, and there isn’t a thing yet that Simon’s found they can refuse her. Bram shrugs and stands back up, remaking the bed. Simon’s halfway to their bedroom when Bram walks out of Alice’s room, her pillow in his hand.

Simon sets Alice down in the middle of their bed, Bram placing her pink pillow behind her head. She doesn’t make a noise as they wordlessly get ready for bed, brushing their teeth and changing into pajamas in their bathroom. Simon shuts off the bathroom light when he’s done, smiling at the sight of Bram sitting up in bed, his hand resting on Alice’s hair.

“When do you think she’ll grow out of this?” Simon asks as he pads across the room, taking off his glasses and setting them on the nightstand before getting under the duvet. Bram shrugs, reaching his hand out to run the backs of his fingers down Simon’s cheek.

“I don’t think it’s when she grows out of it, more like when she feels secure,” Bram replies, turning on his side. Simon watches as he pulls the blanket up his chest, making sure Alice’s head isn’t covered. She turns over and curls up against Simon’s side, her nose pressed to his ribs.

“That’s entirely possible. But she’s been sleeping through the night in her own bed more and more lately,” Simon remarks, turning over onto his side as well. He reaches back and shuts off his bedside lamp, and they both blink as their eyes adjust to the darkness. Ari jumps up onto the bed near their feet, ready to sleep.

“She’s doing great,” Bram says, his hand applying gentle pressure to the back of Alice’s neck. The toddler sighs.

Simon watches Bram for a moment, his heart constricting with a familiar feeling. Bram looks up from where he’s been gazing at Alice, and they smile at each other. Bram reaches over and runs his fingers along Simon’s jaw, his palm coming up to cup his face. His arm rests on Alice’s shoulders, and she shifts under the pressure. Simon reaches up and covers the hand on his face with his own.

“I love you,” Simon whispers, Bram’s eyes closing as he smiles. It’s a moment Simon never wants to forget.

“I love you, Dad.”

Bram’s eyes snap back open, and Simon looks down to see Alice looking up at him. She’s looking right at him, direct eye contact, and even though her eyes are a little foggy with sleep, she’s smiling at him. Simon blinks at the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

“I love you very much, peanut,” he says to her, and she blinks slowly. Her smile doesn’t waver as she looks at Bram, still making direct eye contact, and Simon sees Bram swallow.

“Do you love me, Papa?” she asks, and Bram nods slowly, his bottom lip sucked in between his teeth.

“Of course, sweetheart. I love you so very much,” he replies, and Alice pushes her head back against her pillow, pulling her arms up from under the blanket to hug Bram’s arm that’s still across her shoulders, Bram’s hand trembling in Simon’s.

“Good. I love you, too,” she says, like it’s not the second-best news they’ve heard all day. She closes her eyes again, and within moments her breathing has evened out and she’s asleep. Simon and Bram watch her, eyes filled with tears.

“I guess this is what winter has in store for us,” Simon says, and Bram fights off the wet laugh that’s in his throat.

“This might be the happiest day of my life,” Bram whispers, and Simon can’t even argue with that, because he feels the same way.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my favorite characters as parents is my emotional kink. makes me feel good about the world. 
> 
> next chapter is number seven on the list.


	20. thank you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. adult conversations and communication.

  1. **As a thank you**



Bram’s phone buzzes on his desk as he holds his head in his hands, the lines on the paper in front of him beginning to blur together. He should’ve left hours ago, but there’s so much to get done with his current workload that he felt too guilty to leave. He’s been ignoring his phone for the better part of an hour, hoping that hyper focusing would help.

It hasn’t, but he’d hoped.

He picks up his phone and looks at the screen and the texts there. There’s a couple texts from his coworkers, Zach’s response to something Bram had asked him earlier in the day, and three texts from Simon. One of them is a picture, and he unlocks his phone as he sits back in his chair, his shoulders aching.

The thread opens, and he smiles when his eyes land on the picture of Alice, her fists on her hips, chin held high. Simon’s text tells him it’s her final outfit choice for her first day of school, and that she can’t wait to show him in person. Bram smiles, closing his laptop on his desk and letting out a sigh. His work will have to wait until Monday.

\---

When Bram gets home, the kitchen and living room lights are off. He sets his keys on their hook and kicks off his work shoes, carrying his briefcase into the kitchen. There’s a covered plate on the counter with a post-it note on top, and he sets his briefcase on the table before he picks it up.

_ Eat, before you come to bed – S _

There’s a messily drawn heart in the bottom corner in pink pen, and he sticks the note to the fridge to keep.

He eats quickly and quietly, his body beginning to sag as his mind registers that he’s home, and it’s almost time to go to sleep. He places his dishes in the sink, promising himself he’ll do them in the morning, before following the soft glow of a bedroom light up the stairs.

He stops in Alice’s room first, pushing open the door to look at her curled up in her bed. The outfit from the picture Simon had sent is laying on the floor near her dresser, laid out carefully. Tucked up under her arm is the teddy bear Bram had won for her at the fair earlier in the summer. Bram walks across the room and presses a kiss to her forehead, smoothing her hair back from her face. She doesn’t wake, simply shifts in the bed, and his heart aches a little.

When he walks into his bedroom, he stalls in the doorway, his toes going a bit pigeon-toed. Simon’s laying on his back against the headboard, a book resting open on his chest. Ari’s curled up at his feet, the room basked in a soft glow from the bedside lamp.

Bram closes the door as quietly as he can, beginning to get undressed. He’s taking off his slacks when Simon shifts on the bed, making quiet noises as he stretches.

“Bram?” he croaks, his hand coming up to adjust his glasses as he blinks the sleep from his eyes. Bram smiles at his husband, folding his slacks neatly and placing them in the hamper.

“Go back to sleep, babe, I’ll be there in a second,” Bram says, and Simon hums. Bram goes into the bathroom and sets about with his nightly routine. He relieves himself, washes his face, brushes his teeth, and tries not to stare too long at the bags under his eyes.

Simon’s placing his book in his nightstand drawer when Bram walks back out, scratching his stomach as he walks. He places one knee on the bed, his movements stilling as he watches Simon snuggle into his pillows, his eyes still a little heavy as he gazes up at Bram.

“Did you find dinner?” Simon asks, and Bram nods. He pulls back the covers and lays down, smiling as Simon scoots across the mattress to press himself to Bram’s side. His warmth calms Bram, and he sighs heavily.

“Yes, thank you,” he whispers, kissing the top of Simon’s head. They’re quiet for a moment, Simon’s hand moving up and down Bram’s chest in a soothing motion. Ari meows at them as they disrupt her spot, but she moves to an empty expanse of bed and lays down again.

“What kept you so late?” Simon tilts his head up so he’s looking at the underside of Bram’s jaw, able to see the moment it tenses. Bram shifts so he can look down at Simon.

“I was pulled into a meeting and wasn’t able to get all of the work done on my cases I’d wanted to before the weekend. I didn’t feel right, leaving so much of it until Monday,” Bram explains, and Simon hums.

“What kind of meeting?” Simon asks, and Bram swallows. Simon notices the action, and he sits up on his elbow, so he can stare down at Bram.

“It was, uh – it was to offer me a promotion,” Bram breathes, his eyes staring at where his toes stick up in the blankets. Simon doesn’t respond, his hand still moving on Bram’s chest.

“What kind of promotion?”

Bram swallows around the lump in his throat, trying to get the words to work in his mouth.

“To a – a senior position at the Upper Manhattan office,” Bram struggles to say, and Simon moves his hand up Bram’s neck to cup his face.

“You don’t sound happy about this,” Simon says, an observation, and Bram sighs.

“I just… it would be wonderful. It would mean more money, recognition, a staff of my own, a better office. But it would also mean longer hours, and being expected to put my job before the rest of my life, and I – I, god I’ve already missed so many things, and I feel like I barely see you guys when we’re working on something big, and that’s only like once a month but imagine that being every single day, and I don’t ever want to put my job before you, Simon, but I also feel like this is a huge opportunity to not take.”

Bram’s body slumps when he’s done, his chest collapsing as the air rushes from his lungs. There’s a few tears in his eyes, and he blinks hard to fight against them. Simon’s hand is still on his cheek, rubbing quiet reassurances into his skin.

“I feel like, if I don’t take this, I’m… it feels like I’m giving up. It’s a huge deal, to be offered something like this when there’s others who have been there longer than me and haven’t moved up. John’s been with the firm for five more years than I have, and he’s technically below me. And the board wants me. But I want to be able to leave at four and come home to help you make dinner and do homework with Alice and help her pick out an outfit for school.

“I feel so guilty when I come home, and you guys have left me dinner on the counter and are already in bed. I don’t want to be that kind of husband or dad, who doesn’t do his fair share or participate in his kids’ lives because he’s seemingly more dedicated to his job.”

Simon slips his arm under Bram’s neck, pulling until Bram curls up against Simon’s chest, his body shaking as he finishes his rant. He clings to Simon’s back, rubbing his nose against the soft skin of Simon’s shoulder. Simon doesn’t say anything, keeps rubbing Bram’s back, until Bram pulls back so they’re nose to nose.

“What are you thinking?” Bram asks, and Simon purses his lips.

“I’m thinking of how to respond,” Simon answers honestly, his knuckles resting on Bram’s cheek. Simon closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

“First, I’m very proud of you for being recognized as someone who deserves a promotion. I know you’re… feeling some kind of way about it, but I just want you to remember that this is a big deal, a wonderful achievement, to be offered that type of promotion.”

Bram nods, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth. Simon rubs their noses together before he speaks again.

“Second, I don’t ever want you to feel like you don’t do enough. I know you, Bram, and you should never feel like you aren’t doing enough as a husband or a dad. We’re both bound to miss something in Alice’s life at one point or another, because we can’t be there for every single moment, all the time. She knows you love her, and while she was maybe a little sad that her Papa wasn’t here to see her outfit, she’s probably going to come in here at ass-crack in the morning to wake us up to show you tomorrow. So, be prepared.”

Bram laughs wetly at that, his fingers digging into the softness of Simon’s hips.

“Third, you’ve always been the very best husband in the world, and that’s evident enough by the fact that you just said to me you don’t want to put your job before me. So, you could never turn into the kind of man who puts his job before everything else. You might be absolutely dedicated to what you do, darling, but you never make me feel like I’m second in your life. I understand the long hours and bringing work home. You’ve seen me bring home piles of paperwork to do, sitting up until nearly two a.m. when you finally drag me to bed.”

Bram’s pretty sure Simon’s crying a bit now, but it’s not the same as Bram’s tears. Bram lets out a shaky breath, shuddering against Simon’s lips.

“The selfish part of me doesn’t want you to take longer hours, or more cases, or have more responsibilities than you already do. I want you to come home every night and curl up on the couch with me as our daughter performs the songs she learned in kindergarten that day. But this isn’t my decision to make, it’s yours. I’m here, for whatever comes our way. I’m here, no matter what you decide. I’m always right here.” Simon places his hand flat on Bram’s chest, right above his heart. “No matter what. I love you.”

Bram leans in to capture Simon’s lips in a kiss, pressing softly, hoping to convey everything that’s currently simmering beneath the surface of his skin. He thinks that Simon gets it, because Simon’s fingers stroke over the back of Bram’s neck and it’s the calming touch he needs.

“You need to be part of this decision, too,” Bram says when they break apart, his fingers resting on Simon’s collarbone. “This would affect our lives, and I’m not going to make a decision that drastically changes your life too without your input.”

Simon hums, his fingers tapping out a rhythm on the back of Bram’s head.

“Do you want the logical or emotional response first?”

“Logical.”

“Okay, logically, I say you should go for it. You’re good at your job, and you deserve more money and a staff of your own. It would look great to other firms if you wanted to find a new practice somewhere down the line. I’d be incredibly proud of you.”

“Okay,” Bram nods, and then Simon’s face gets a little sad.

“Selfishly, I don’t want you to do it. You’re already so exhausted, and you come to bed after I’ve already fallen asleep and you leave before I wake and I don’t get to snuggle with you like I used to every night. I don’t mind doing more during the week when you’re stressed, that’s fine. But I feel like this promotion might take away your weekends, which are my favorite time, and I don’t want to lose lazy Saturday mornings or Sunday afternoon movie marathons with Alice sitting between us. So, that’s that.”

Bram kisses Simon again, a little harder. Simon moans in the back of his throat, both of them pulling at each other to get as close as possible.

“I love you,” Bram whispers against Simon’s lips, his chest feeling lighter. He didn’t realize he needed to hear all of that, assuaging the fears he’d spun on his drive home.

“I love you so much, Bram, and I just… take your time with this decision. Do what you feel is best for yourself, and us. But start with yourself, because you’re the one who would be affected the most.”

“I’m going to talk to Jack on Monday, get the full details and see what he says about it. He seemed very happy that they were offering it to me, so I’m hoping he’ll fill me in,” Bram says, and Simon nods.

“Good. Spend the weekend hyping Alice up for her first day. You’re still taking her to school on Monday, right?” Simon asks, and Bram nods.

“Of course. I wouldn’t miss that for anything in the entire world.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i’m gonna be real with you guys and admit that i never wrote if he took the promotion or not, but in my head he talked to his bosses and got a different promotion that worked for him and the company. but i never explicitly said that in the rest of the story oops
> 
> anyway, happy july!!!! it’s my birthday month!!! 
> 
> there’s only three chapters left and i’m :(
> 
> the next chapter is number eleven on the prompt list!


	21. a gasp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘explicit’ for sexual content.

  1. **With a shuddering gasp**



Bram’s leaning against the kitchen counter when Simon walks in, his brow furrowed in confusion. He takes a moment to stare at the sight of his husband, still in his work pants and button down shirt, chopping vegetables as though he hasn’t just sent Simon’s brain for a loop.

“Welcome home,” Bram calls, turning to smile at Simon. He places the knife he’s holding onto the counter and walks over to Simon, taking the large stack of papers Simon has in his arms. Simon’s still standing in the threshold when Bram sets everything down on the kitchen table and turns back around.

“Are you suddenly a vampire and need permission to enter?” Bram jokes, and Simon laughs stiffly at that, forcing his feet to move across the ground to the table. He places the rest of his stuff down, shaking out his arms.

“What are you doing home so early?” Simon asks, and Bram just smiles. He walks around the table until they’re toe to toe, Bram’s hands reaching out to tangle their fingers together. Simon smiles at the contact, his shoulders relaxing as Bram brings their hands up to press between their chests.

“I know we don’t make a big deal out of our wedding anniversary every year,” Bram starts, and Simon’s eyes widen as he remembers what day it is. “But it’s been a busy couple of months, what with Alice starting school, and both of us being insanely busy with work. So, I worked late every day this week, so I could leave early today, and asked Alice if she wanted to stay with Mrs. Nowak for the evening. Mrs. Nowak was very happy to see her favorite neighbor, and reminded me that it’s been almost six months since we asked her to babysit so we could go out on a date.”

Simon goes back in his mind, and he frowns when he realizes that what Bram’s saying to him is true.

“It’s really been six months since we’ve asked her to babysit?”

“Oh, yeah. She winked at me on Tuesday when I asked. Except she can’t wink, so she just blinked both of her eyes and gave me a knowing smile.”

Simon laughs softly, leaning forward slightly so their noses brush. Bram smiles at him, squeezing his hands.

“So you’re telling me,” Simon says, untangling his fingers from Bram’s and wrapping his arms around Bram’s middle. Bram’s hair, which he’s kept long over the years in tight locs down his back, brushes against Simon’s arms as Bram tilts his head. “That we have a night alone together for the first time in six months?”

“That does seem to be what’s going on,” Bram teases, Simon pinching his back.

“And you were making dinner?” Simon asks, looking over at the potatoes and carrots on the counter. Bram nods.

“I was starting dinner, yes.”

“Does anything need to be put in the fridge?” Simon asks, and Bram shakes his head.

“I hadn’t brought out the chicken yet-” Bram stops talking as Simon pulls on his hand, practically dragging him towards the stairs.

\---

Simon’s back arches up off the bed, his eyes squeezed shut against the building pressure in his stomach. He gasps out, air rushing into his lungs as Bram’s fingers work inside of him, slick with lube and sweat.

“Bram, Bram, babe,” Simon babbles, reaching down to touch Bram’s temple as Bram’s mouth sucks around the head of Simon’s dick.

“God, you’re beautiful,” Bram whispers against Simon’s thigh, and Simon keens in the back of his throat.

“Please, Bram, please just stop fingering me and fuck me already,” Simon says, and Bram chuckles softly. Simon’s chest flushes when Bram’s fingers slide out of him, and his back relaxes into the mattress again. He hums when Bram’s lips kiss his stomach, making a steady line up to Simon’s neck, where Bram buries his face. Simon wraps his arms around Bram’s back, holding him there for a moment.

“God, I’ve missed this,” Simon whispers, and Bram makes a noise in the back of his throat. He pushes himself up onto his hands, his hair falling over his shoulders as he gazes down at Simon. Simon’s eyes are a little heavy, but he looks up at Bram and catalogues the soft tilt of Bram’s mouth, the shiny look of his lips, and the warm depth of his eyes.

“I can’t believe how long it’s been,” Bram whispers as he grabs the lube, and Simon tilts his head back, elongating his neck as he pushes his head into the pillows. Goosebumps raise on his skin at the sounds from Bram slicking himself up, and he reaches up to hold onto the pillow.

“Can we never go this long without having sex again? And I mean this kind of sex, not just blowjobs in the shower,” Simon pants as Bram brings Simon’s legs up around his waist, holding them there until Simon hooks his ankles and squeezes Bram’s sides.

“We’ll have to ask Mrs. Nowak to watch Alice more often,” Bram says, his fingers brushing along Simon’s ass. Simon opens his eyes to watch as Bram slicks them both up with more lube, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth.

“I’ll bake her a cake,” Simon gasps out before Bram pushes in, and then his mouth hangs open, his chest moving as he gasps for air.

Bram holds onto Simon’s hips, his fingers digging into the pudginess there that Simon’s never been able to get rid of. Simon grips his pillow tighter, tingles of pleasure working up his spine as Bram sinks all the way in. He opens his eyes when Bram lets go of his hips, and he looks up in time to smile as Bram wraps his hands around Simon’s wrists. Bram bends down and kisses Simon gently as he pulls out and pushes back in. Simon moans, his arms straining against Bram’s hands.

“I’ve missed you,” Simon whispers somewhat incoherently, and Bram just kisses him again. Simon tightens his legs around Bram as Bram starts to keep a rhythm, his head dropping to rest in Simon’s neck. His arms shake as he moans, and Simon whimpers softly.

“Oh god, I love you so much,” Bram gasps out as he quickens his pace, pressing Simon into the mattress. Simon’s body shakes, his back arching up off the bed again, searching for any friction against his erection. “You’re so fucking beautiful, Simon.”

Simon whines high in the back of his throat, his hands flexing where Bram has them pinned to the bed. His arm muscles flex as he pushes against Bram’s grip, but Bram doesn’t let him go. If anything, his hands flex and he presses harder, making Simon moan louder.

“Bram, babe,” he says breathlessly, hips grinding down to meet every single thrust from his husband. Bram attaches his mouth to Simon’s neck, and Simon’s head pushes back into the bed so hard his neck strains.

“You feel so good babe, so fucking good, god I’ve missed this,” Bram says in Simon’s ear, his voice low and rough. It makes Simon feel impossibly hotter. “Come on, babe.”

Simon whines as Bram slides his hands together so he can hold both of Simon’s wrists with one hand, his other hand moving down Simon’s sides until it’s circled loosely around Simon’s dick. Everything Bram does is exactly what Simon needs, sixteen years of familiarity making sex something they’re _great_ at. It’s always so good, all the time, and Simon’s thankful for that as Bram rests his forehead on Simon’s, panting against his lips.

“Bram,” Simon whines, his voice cracking. Bram tightens his grip on Simon’s dick, and then he’s coming as he moans into Bram’s mouth. A few hard thrusts later, Bram’s burying his face in Simon’s neck as he moans, finally letting go of Simon’s hands as his body caves in on itself with his orgasm. Simon wraps his arms around Bram’s back, his nails digging in as he clings to his husband.

Bram wraps his arms around Simon’s shoulders and rolls them onto their sides, both of them hissing as Bram slides out. Simon whimpers and Bram holds him close, putting pressure on the back of Simon’s neck. Simon’s eyes are still closed, his mouth open slightly, and Bram runs his fingers from Simon’s sweaty hairline to his chin. He whimpers again.

“I’ve got you, babe,” Bram whispers, tightening his arm around Simon’s back. Simon’s body is heavy, his breathing shallow and still slightly erratic. Bram can feel come drying on their chests, knows he needs to clean up Simon, but doesn’t move until Simon’s eyes start to flutter. He continues stroking his fingers down Simon’s face, his heart swelling as Simon leans into the featherlight touch.

“I love you,” Simon gasps out as he shakes a little, his eyes fighting to open. Bram smiles when moon-gray eyes stare up at him.

“I love you. Do you need any water? I need to clean us up,” Bram whispers, and Simon nods.

“Water, please. And yes, please get the drying come off my chest.” He giggles, and Bram kisses his face. He continues to do so even as Simon ducks his head, giggling louder. His arms finally move, and it’s to shove at Bram’s shoulders.

“Oh my god, Bram, stop.” Simon continues to giggle, which belies the words he says, and Bram just sighs happily. Simon’s smiling up at him, that dopey grin he gets sometimes when his insides are warm and happy. Bram knows his face is the same.

“I’ll be right back,” Bram promises, kissing along Simon’s nose.

He comes back to the bed with a warm washcloth and his water bottle from off the floor, handing Simon the water bottle before wiping the washcloth down Simon’s torso. Simon hums at him as he drinks, his legs stretching and his toes flexing as he starts to come back to himself.

“Here,” Bram offers the washcloth to Simon and he takes it, because Bram knows Simon prefers to clean himself up.

“Remember when we adopted Alice, and we promised each other we’d still find time for the romance?” Simon asks after he’s disappeared into the bathroom for a while, coming back out with his glasses on his nose. Bram’s folding the towels they’d covered the bed with and placing them into the hamper, still completely naked. Simon takes a moment to admire his husband’s body. Their workouts haven’t been as consistent recently, but they’re both still looking hot, in Simon’s opinion. Hot dads indeed.

“ _For the romance_ , god, I can’t believe you’ve now said that twice,” Bram teases, and Simon rolls his eyes. He lays down on the bed, stretching his arms up above his head. When he looks over at Bram, he’s staring at Simon like he’s seeing him for the very first time. Simon flushes under the look.

“Come lay down, please,” Simon says, and Bram shakes himself. He bounces up onto the bed, collapsing on top of Simon as they both laugh. Bram slides his hands up under Simon’s shoulders, and Simon’s arms go around his waist. They both smile at each other as they settle, calm washing over their bodies.

“We were pretty good at making time for a little romance when we first adopted Alice, even if she insisted on sleeping in our bed most nights,” Bram mumbles, and Simon hums quietly.

“I feel like we just got really busy lately, and everything’s happening so much that we just… forgot how great this feels,” Simon laughs, and Bram rubs his nose against Simon’s collarbone.

“We should get back to Saturday morning cuddles,” Bram whispers, and Simon gasps.

“Yes, please. I cannot tell you how badly I’ve missed those these past couple months,” Simon says, and Bram nods.

“Good, then it’s settled. We bring back Saturday morning cuddles. Keep the door locked and remind Alice about privacy without scarring her too early with the realization that her parents have sex.”

“You say that like you found out far too early that adults have sex.”

“I was nine, Simon. Nine when I realized what was going on.”

Simon laughs, his lips turned up in a smile as Bram glares down at him.

“If it’s any consolation, I was eight and Ali ruined my entire life by telling me,” Simon says, and Bram shakes his head.

“We can’t let our Alice find out until she’s eighteen,” Bram mumbles, to which Simon laughs again.

“Oh darling, that’s not possible. If we were talking about and having sex at seventeen, we can’t hold Alice to eighteen.”

“Fine, seventeen, but only because I don’t want to be a hypocrite.”

Simon giggles and kisses the side of Bram’s head.

“Speaking of sex, you know what  we haven’t done in even longer?” Simon asks, and Bram’s eyebrows come together. Simon smiles up at him, one hand sliding up to cup Bram’s jaw and the other trailing down Bram’s back. When it reaches the cleft of Bram’s ass, he shudders and presses in to kiss Simon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is more or less a filler chapter but also like, something a lot of couples go through (trying to find time to just be together) so i thought heck, throw it in. 
> 
> only two chapters left and i’m :(
> 
> next chapter is number four on the prompt list.


	22. over tea.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. more original characters. family fun.

  1. **Over a cup of tea**



Their backyard has always been Simon’s favorite place to be in the springtime. The dogwood tree flowers early, littering the grass with white petals that scatter in the breeze. Alice has taken to sitting underneath it when it’s warm, sprawled out on a blanket with a book in hand. Bram joins her sometimes, leaning against the trunk and dozing off in the afternoon warmth. Simon has a picture or two.

It looks different today, decorated with streamers and balloons. There’s a birthday cake on the patio table, along with fruit salad and a plate of pizza rolls. Alice is sitting in one of the patio chairs, a party hat on her head, holding her new brother’s hand.

“Pizza rolls?” Jack asks as he stands next to Simon in the shade, both watching as Noah and Alice talk. Well, Alice talks and talks and talks, and Noah just stares up at her like he isn’t quite sure what to make of her yet. She’s been keeping him company all night, making it her mission to make sure he feels okay.

“I was new once,” she’d whispered to Noah, but she doesn’t really know how to whisper anymore, so Simon heard her as he frosted the cake. “I’ll hold your hand.”

Bram walks out the back door, his hands clasped around a mug of tea. There’s a slight chill in the air, and he has two jackets slung over his arm. Simon smiles as Emily takes the jackets off Bram’s arm and moves towards her grandchildren.

“Noah says they’re his favorite, and it is his birthday,” Simon says, to which Jack hums. He’s holding a bottle of water, and he rolls it between his hands as he thinks.

“He’s quiet,” Jack observes as Emily helps the five-year-old into his jacket, zipping it up with a smile. Noah smiles and nods politely. Alice insists on putting on her pink jacket herself, zipping it all the way up to her chin with a wide grin.

“So was Alice, when she first came to us,” Simon replies, reaching out as Bram walks up to them, sliding his arm around Simon’s waist.

“Yeah, but Noah seems like he’s going to stay that way. He just seems like that kind of kid,” Jack says, and Simon supposes he could be right. They don’t know yet what Noah will be like now that he’s living with them. The orphanage had said he was quiet and fastidious, always following the rules and getting upset when things didn’t go his way. Simon’s already seen this in how he brushes his teeth, of all things. It’s the same routine, every single night.

“Maybe Alice will bring him out of his head a bit,” Bram says, curling his hand around his mug and holding it to his chest. Simon leans his head against Bram’s shoulder as Alice pulls on Noah’s hand, and then they’re stumbling down the stairs towards the tree.

“Maybe Noah will level Alice out, keep her in line a bit.” Jack laughs, as though he doesn’t believe his own words. Simon shakes his head.

“I think they’ll fight a bunch before any of that happens,” he says, and Bram chuckles.

“They’re siblings now. Fighting is like, part of the package.”

Julia walks out the back door, holding a pack of candles in one hand and a lighter in the other. Simon’s almost sad there aren’t more people to celebrate with Noah, but he had quietly told Simon one day that he didn’t have any friends. So, it’s just their parents, Nora, and Caleb who are there to celebrate Noah’s birthday. Alice and Theo are stuck in Oregon, though they’d sent a card.

“Is it time?” Julia asks, and Emily nods eagerly. Everyone’s outside, scattered about the backyard. Nora nudges Caleb from where they’re talking near the flowerbed, and they walk over to the table.

“Alice, Noah, come over here, please,” Bram calls, and both children look up at him. When they realize that they’re finally going to get cake, Alice stands in a hurry. Noah’s a bit slower, but he runs over to stand next to Julia right behind Alice.

Simon moves out from under Bram’s arm and offers his hands to Noah. He nods, reaching up and letting Simon lift him onto his hip. Simon smiles as Bram walks over so they’re standing together at the table, Alice’s arms around Bram’s leg. Both children are fading like the afternoon sun, the day finally catching up to them. They’d been up early, getting to the zoo as soon as it had opened. Everyone had arrived while they’d been gone, decorating the house with streamers and balloons and banners.

“You have to make a wish!” Alice says excitedly, looking up at Noah. She reaches over and touches his leg, and Noah jerks a little before he smiles at her kindly. Simon bounces Noah on his hip as Julia lights the candles, Jack and Elijah moving to block the flames from the wind.

“A wish?” Noah asks, looking between Simon and Bram cautiously. Bram nods, his fingers absentmindedly running through Alice’s hair.

“Your birthday wish. You can’t tell any of us what it is, but it’s anything you want in the world,” Bram explains, and Noah nods slowly. He looks around at everyone gathered, all smiling at him. His face darkening slightly, Noah leans up and whispers something in Simon’s ear. Bram watches as Simon’s eyes wet slightly, the tight way he smiles, how he swallows. Simon whispers something to Noah in return, and the boy nods.

“Okay,” he says, nodding resolutely. Not knowing what just happened but understanding the need to move on, Emily holds up her hands.

They start singing, quietly, because Noah’s liable to get overwhelmed at anything too loud and grand. When they all sing his name, he ducks his head, hiding his face in Simon’s shoulder for a moment.

“Now blow out the candles!” Nora and Caleb say excitedly when they’re done singing, and Noah leans down in Simon’s arms, trusting that his dad will hold him tight, and blows out the candles with one breath. Everyone cheers, and Noah beams up at them as Julia starts to cut the cake.

Bram doesn’t get a chance to ask Simon what Noah said to him until hours later, after they’ve brought in the food and are all sitting around the living room. Noah’s beginning to fall asleep, curled up on Julia’s lap after opening presents. Everyone’s talking quietly, and when Bram looks into his empty mug, Simon reaches over to grab it and heads into the kitchen.

He starts the kettle again, reaching up into the cabinet to grab the honey and a teabag. As the water begins to heat, he starts loading the dishwasher, almost on autopilot, and he jumps slightly when a warm hand lands on the small of his back.

“You don’t have to do that,” Bram whispers as his hand slides around until it’s gripping Simon’s waist, and Simon hums.

“We aren’t leaving the dishes for the morning,” he says, and he feels Bram shake his head.

“I meant make me another cup of tea,” Bram says, and Simon laughs softly.

“Well, I’m making you one.” He turns his head and Bram’s nose presses into his temple. Lips connect with the side of his head and Simon smiles.

Bram moves to help Simon finish loading the dishwasher, settling into an easy routine of theirs. Nora walks into the kitchen and grabs another bottle of water, smiling at them as she swipes a cold pizza roll and leaves.

“Hey,” Bram says as Simon starts the load of dishes. “What did Noah whisper to you before we started singing to him?”

Simon sucks in a sharp breath, and when he looks at Bram, his eyes are already wet. Bram reaches out and pulls Simon into his arms. Simon brings his arms up and wraps them around Bram’s waist, hugging him tightly.

“It’s so hard to get a read on him, you know? Alice was so open and expressive with us as soon as she’d settled, which didn’t take long because she was already attached to us from the visitation period. And while I don’t doubt that Noah is… happy to be here and likes us enough, it’s still hard to know what’s going on in his head. He thinks so loudly,” Simon mumbles into Bram’s shoulder, closing his eyes as Bram sways them gently. Simon knows they’re visible to part of the living room, but everyone’s letting them have a moment of privacy.

“He does, you can see it on his face,” Bram agrees, and Simon nods.

“I was just glad the orphanage already knew some of his interests so we could tell everyone what to get him, you know? I would have felt bad if everyone got him gifts that he didn’t particularly like…” Simon trials off, and then he sighs. “But, I suppose even if he wasn’t excited about them, he still would’ve been grateful.”

Bram nods, his fingers trailing up and down Simon’s spine. They’re quiet for a moment, the kettle clicking off as the water reaches a boil. Neither of them move.

“He told me that all of his birthday wishes had already come true.”

Bram sucks in a sharp breath, his throat closing as the air reaches his lungs. Simon squeezes Bram a little tighter, and they sway slightly as they hold each other. Bram closes his eyes against the tears he feels building, leaning his temple against the side of Simon’s head, bodies impossibly close.

“Oh.” Bram finally manages to say, and Simon laughs wetly.

“I know,” he whispers, his voice sounding strained. Bram pulls back, sliding his nose along Simon’s temple until their foreheads can press together. Simon’s eyes are glistening with tears, but he’s starting to smile. Bram cups the back of Simon’s head, and they smile at each other for a second, wrapped up in the moment.

“I love you,” Bram whispers, kissing Simon softly. Simon laughs quietly as they pull apart, his hands fisting in the back of Bram’s shirt.

“Goodness, I love you too,” he says, and Bram breathes out a laugh against Simon’s lips.

“He’s going to be okay,” Bram says, and Simon nods.

They turn when they hear small footsteps on the hardwood floor, looking down to see Noah standing in the doorway, his hands twisting together.

“What’s up, bud?” Bram asks, stepping away from Simon and crouching down. He balances on his haunches, and Noah walks over to him cautiously. He’s chewing his bottom lip, thinking loudly.

“Can I have some water, please?” Noah asks, and Bram nods encouragingly.

“Of course,” he replies, putting his hand on Noah’s back. He relaxes slightly, but he’s still chewing on his bottom lip as Simon fills a cup with water. Simon hands the cup to Bram, who holds it out for Noah to take in both of his hands. He stares at it for a moment, his forehead creased, before he offers Bram a smile.

“Thank you,” he starts, pausing with his mouth open still. He takes a deep breath, like he’s steadying himself. “Thank you, Papa.”

He whispers the last word out, and Bram hears Simon drop the spoon he’d been using to stir Bram’s tea onto the counter. Bram wills himself not to react too much, and just reaches out to touch Noah’s cheek.

“You’re welcome, Noah,” he says, watching as Noah drinks the entire cup. He smacks his lips when he’s done, walking over to where Simon’s standing. He holds up the cup.

“Thank you, Dad,” Noah says, his face smoothing out, like he’s worked out whatever was making him so stressed. Simon just nods, taking the cup and touching his fingers to the back of Noah’s neck affectionately.

“Noah, Noah, Noah!” Alice runs into the kitchen, oblivious to the moment that’s unfolding, her face bright and open. When she sees that Bram’s down on her level, she slams into his open arms, giggling softly. Bram stands up with her arms locked around his neck, swinging her legs gently. Noah stares up at her. He looks at Simon and pulls on his pant leg, holding his arms up. Simon smiles as he bends down and picks Noah up.

“Noah, Grandpa says he’ll show us how to drive the toy car tomorrow,” Alice says, like it’s the most important information in the world. And maybe it is, because Noah lights up, nodding.

“Cool,” he says, and then he’s reaching out in the space between them, Simon and Bram moving to stand closer together as Noah reaches for Alice’s hand. She lets go of Bram’s neck and meets him in the middle, smiling happily.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cannot explain to you how sad i am that the next chapter is the mf last chapter. i know you’ll all love it but then i have nothing to post. i’m very sad. 
> 
> also, just so we’re clear here; in my head, alice is white with brown hair and freckles and green eyes. noah is black with short cropped hair and dimples. this is just how i imagined the kids when they were created so that’s what we’re sticking with here. 
> 
> the last chapter is number sixteen on the prompt list :(


	23. over and over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ‘general’ rating. bring tissues.

  1. **Over and over again, till it’s nothing but a senseless babble**



The only reason Bram wakes up when he does that Saturday morning is because his children don’t know how to do anything with subtlety. He’s certain that when he rolls over and looks at the clock, it will tell him it’s nearly seven and he’s only gotten five hours of sleep. He hears something slam in the kitchen, the sound loud enough to echo up the stairs, and that’s when Simon wakes up.

“What are they doing?” Simon groans, rolling over until he’s curled up in Bram’s waiting arms. They sigh, exhaustion pulling both of them back towards sleep. They’re almost there when they hear someone stumble on the stairs followed by childish giggling.

“I have to pee,” Simon says, kissing Bram’s bare shoulder and rolling to get out of bed. Bram smiles as he watches Simon go, quickly realizing something.

“Put on underwear when you come back, I think they’re coming here,” Bram says just loudly enough for Simon to hear, sitting up and finding his boxers on the floor. He pulls them on as Simon flashes him a thumbs up before he closes the bathroom door.

“And that’s why Mrs. Nowak watched us last night?”

“They had a date night. Twenty years is a long time,” Alice says and Bram lays back in bed as he hears them shuffle in the hallway.

“That’s like forever,” Noah replies as the toilet flushes and Simon walks back out into their bedroom. He grabs a pair of underwear from their trail of clothes on the floor and pulls them on before climbing back into bed. He cuddles up next to Bram, their arms slipping around each other.

“Yeah,” Alice agrees, and then there’s a quiet knock at the door. Simon smiles up at Bram, their eyes crinkling as they wait for a second knock. Alice never used to wait and knock a second time, but Noah’s much politer.

“Dads?” Alice says through the door, her new way of addressing them both at once. Noah knocks again, and Bram kisses the top of Simon’s head.

“Yes?” Bram calls, and the door knob clicks as it opens.

Alice is carrying one of their breakfast trays, balancing it on her forearms. There’s two plates, forks, one glass of orange juice, and a glass with flowers from their backyard. Noah’s holding the second glass of orange juice.

“What’s this?” Simon asks, his voice a bit ragged from a lack of sleep. Alice and Noah move into the room, both of them smiling to themselves. Bram helps Alice slide the tray onto the bed near his feet, the duvet pooling around his waist as he sits up. Simon sits up next to him, leaning his cheek on Bram’s shoulder.

“Alice says it’s your 20-year anniversary,” Noah says, leaning on the bed with his forearms. Bram reaches over and runs a knuckle down Noah’s cheek, making Noah smile.

“It is,” Simon says, his fingers working to arrange the flowers in the glass, so they don’t fall out and into the food Alice and Noah have brought them.

“So… we made you breakfast in bed!” Alice sweeps her arms to the tray, and Bram feels his chest tug. Each plate has two toaster waffles, a spoonful or two of cottage cheese, and a medley of fruit. The strawberries are missing their leaves, and Simon picks one up.

“Did you use a knife to cut these?” he asks, popping it in his mouth. Alice nods, her eyes a little wide.

“One of the butter knives,” she says, and Bram smiles at her.

“I’m sure you were extra careful,” he says, and she nods so hard her hair falls in her face. She pushes it back with her palm, glancing at Noah.

“Do you like it?” Noah asks, and Bram smiles at them.

“Of course, get up here,” he says, both children climbing up on the bed. Noah falls into Simon’s arms, Simon leaning back against the headboard and cuddling Noah to his chest. Alice sits on the bed in between Bram and Simon, right where she used to sleep. Bram pulls the tray up so it’s resting in the space in front of Alice.

“You even put peanut butter on my waffles,” Simon says happily, smacking a loud kiss to the top of Noah’s head.

“Of course! That’s your favorite,” Alice says, a proud smile on her face. She hands Simon his glass of orange juice and he takes a sip.

“Have you really been married for twenty years?” Noah asks, moving to sit in the blankets pooled in Simon’s lap, looking between his parents. Bram reaches over, and Simon’s hand meets his in the middle, their fingers sliding together.

“We’ve only been married for twelve years, actually,” Simon says as he squeezes Bram’s hand, letting go to grab his plate.

“Remember that weekend Grandma and Grandpa came and stayed with you guys when we were away?” Bram asks, taking his plate into his lap. Alice nods, and Noah makes a face before nodding slowly.

“That was a long time ago,” Noah says, and Bram chuckles. It was less than two years ago, but he supposes to Noah, that’s a long time.

“That was our 10-year wedding anniversary,” Simon says as Bram chews on his fruit. Alice’s eyes light up in recognition, and Noah nods.

“So then how is this your 20-year anniversary?” he asks, looking confused. His forehead is creased, and Bram reaches out to smooth the lines with his thumb. Noah smiles, as he always does when one of them does that.

“It’s twenty years since we started dating,” Bram says softly, his eyes still on Noah’s forehead. He sees Simon smile out of the corner of his eye, his stomach fluttering.

“How old were you then?” Alice asks, taking a blueberry off Simon’s plate. Simon barely notices, too busy gazing up at Bram. They smile at each other, their eyes soft.

“We were seventeen.” Bram reaches over to take Simon’s hand, pulling it up to his lips to kiss the back of it. Simon’s cheeks flush a pretty pink, a reaction Bram’s infinitely happy he can still witness.

“Dad, you’re blushing,” Alice coos, reaching up to poke Simon’s cheeks. He turns his head like he’s going to bite her finger and she giggles, pulling her hand back to her chest.

“I know that,” Simon mumbles, chewing on a piece of waffle.

“That means you’re 37 now,” Noah says suddenly, and Bram nods.

“We are,” he says, and Noah nods.

“You’re old.” Noah laughs, like it’s a joke he’s just made, Alice giggling along with him. Simon and Bram just shake their heads, mouths too full of food to respond.

\---

Alice and Noah are curled up on the couch together, starting to doze off, when Simon calls for Bram from upstairs. Bram looks over to make sure the kids are okay before he walks to his bedroom, following the sound of music. Simon’s sitting on the floor at the end of their bed, his head leaning back to stare up at Bram as he walks into the room. The bed is stripped bare, as it’s laundry day, otherwise Bram supposes Simon would be leaning against the headboard.

“What’s up?” Bram asks, walking over to sit down next to Simon on the floor. Simon has a white gift box in his lap and Bram raises an eyebrow at it.

“I have a gift for you,” Simon says, and Bram purses his lips.

“I thought we said no gifts,” Bram replies, and Simon nods.

“We did, but did you really think giving me that new messenger bag the day before didn’t seem a little suspicious?” Simon shakes his head, smiling teasingly at Bram. “Darling, I’m much smarter than you think.”

“I think you’re plenty smart, but the strap on your bag literally broke on Thursday,” Bram argues, pointing over to where the old bag is on the floor, waiting to be emptied.

“Semantics,” Simon replies with a grin, and Bram rolls his eyes. They both know there’s no heat to the argument, but it’s fun to tease and joke still. Playfully giving each other a hard time never gets old.

“So, what’s in the box, then?” Bram asks, and Simon looks down at it, his bottom lip sucked into his mouth. He takes in a deep breath and lets it out in a huff, pulling the lid off the box carefully.

It’s some kind of binder, or at least that’s what it looks like to Bram. There are no markings on the outside, just the simple light blue of the binding and front cover. Simon places his hands over the cover and looks at Bram, seemingly nervous. He lifts it out of the box and offers it to Bram, who takes it with great care.

“What is it?” Bram asks, running his finger along the spine. Simon shifts, turning his body towards Bram.

“It’s a scrapbook,” Simon mumbles as Bram opens the front cover. He runs his fingers over the first page, where Simon’s written their names in a beautiful calligraphy, something Simon mastered years ago for teaching.

“A scrapbook?” Bram flips to the next page and stalls, his hand hovering over the picture there. It’s the very first selfie they ever took together, faces squished together in the bright sunlight in the backseat of Simon’s car one day before school. They’d taken a couple others too, but Bram knows this is the first one.

“Of us,” Simon whispers, and Bram looks at him, his jaw slack. His hand comes to rest on the picture and he feels his throat get a little tight. Simon’s smiling at him, his eyes still a little hesitant, so Bram leans over and kisses him softly.

“Going back twenty years?”

Simon nods, smiling a lot brighter now. Bram looks back down at the book and focuses on what else is on the page. There’s a movie stub (“from our second date”), a drawing of a cup of Oreos with a spoon in it, and quotes that Bram recognizes from their early emails. He runs his finger over the quote from the post he’d made, about shores worth swimming to, and his eyes blur a little. He blinks hard, wiping at his lower lids to prevent any tears from falling onto the pages.

He flips through the next couple of pages, staring at the pictures and memories there. There’s more pictures from junior year, all laid out on the pages with little inside jokes written between them. It seems Simon’s saved every single movie stub from high school, and Bram runs his fingers over them slowly. He recognizes pictures from the summer between junior and senior year, and then there’s the picture of all six of them, crammed into a table at the Waffle House, the day before senior year started.

His heart skips a beat when he comes to the picture of them at graduation, the one that’s still framed on Bram’s desk at work. Jack had given them all of the pictures from that day and mentioned this particular one was his favorite.

“I’m like a professional photographer,” Jack had said when he’d showed them.

Bram looks at his younger self, hiding his blooming smile against Simon’s hair, eyes crinkled in the afternoon light. Simon’s smiling, eyes slightly closed. Bram knows exactly what he was feeling in that moment.

“I love this photo,” Bram whispers, and Simon hums. He rests his head against Bram’s shoulder, looping their arms together.

When Bram turns the page, there’s two envelopes taped to the next page. He recognizes them both. One’s the one that Simon had slipped into his copy of _Little Women_ , that Bram had thought he’d lost when they’d moved. The other is the envelope Bram had mailed to Simon from New York, with the letter he’d written Simon his first week of college. When Bram runs his hand over that envelope, he can feel the letter inside.

“I can’t believe you let me believe I’d lost the envelope,” Bram whispers, and Simon chuckles.

“I felt pretty bad, but I didn’t want you to get suspicious,” Simon replies. He points to the envelope with Bram’s name on it.

“You can put the letter in there, if you want,” Simon suggests, tilting his head back to look at Bram. They smile at each other, and Bram leans in to kiss him again.

“Okay.”

The next few pages are all from college. Halloween parties, Alice’s wedding, the day they’d spent exploring New York City taking pictures of each other and eating from food carts, ugly Christmas sweaters that Emily had bought them, Nora’s graduation, 4th of July barbecues, and countless airplane tickets.

College graduation. Simon with his arms wrapped tightly around Bram’s middle, pressing a happy kiss to Bram’s cheek, pushing Bram’s cap up a bit. Bram using Simon’s cap to hide them from the camera as they share a kiss. And then there’s the picture Bram had taken when Simon had finally moved up to New York, glaring at Bram from outside his apartment door, waiting to be let inside. The next picture is of them lying in bed, left hands held up to their lips, huge smiles on their faces.

“I can’t believe those pictures were only taken a few hours apart,” Bram mumbles, Simon snuffling into his shoulder. Bram can feel Simon smiling, his cheek hard against his shoulder.

“Big day.” Simon laughs, Bram joining in quietly. He reaches over and touches the wedding band on Simon’s left hand, the cool metal smooth under his fingers. Simon nudges his nose against Bram’s neck as Bram turns the page.

A picture of them on the grass in the Spiers’ backyard, engagement rings on their fingers after telling everyone. Bram asleep on the couch, head tilted back and books spread across his lap, Zach laughing silently in the background. Simon on his first day at his first teaching job, holding the apple Bram had jokingly given to him and glaring at the camera. Bram holding up his bar exam results, yelling happily. The ticket stub to _Wicked_ , a present Bram had gotten Simon for his birthday that year. A piece of mail with Simon’s name on it, the address from Zach’s apartment.

Bram knows what’s coming when he turns the page, but his entire body warms anyway. He tangles his fingers with Simon’s as he takes in the pictures from their wedding, the ones they don’t have framed on the wall or on their desks.

The moment they’d both come to stand at the altar, smiles wide enough to make their eyes close slightly. A close up on Simon’s face as Bram read his vows. A similar picture of Bram’s face as Simon read his. And below those pictures are their vows, saved from that day, taped delicately to the page. Bram runs his fingers over them, smiling at how crinkled Simon’s are from how hard he’d gripped them.

The next page is from the reception, and right next to the picture of them during their first dance are the words Bram had whispered into Simon’s ear. Bram turns his head enough to see Simon.

“You wrote it down?” he croaks, his voice breaking slightly. Simon nods, his eyes swimming.

“Of course I did. When I slipped away to the bathroom, I opened up a voice memo on my phone and repeated everything I could remember. I never wanted to forget what you’d said,” Simon whispers, and Bram squeezes his hand, his lips pressing to the top of Simon’s head.

“I have it written down on a piece of paper somewhere,” Bram says, and Simon’s eyes light up.

“You do?”

“Of course. I was going to use it as my vows, but then we agreed to keep them simpler,” Bram says, Simon sucking in a sharp breath.

“I’m glad that speech was only for me,” Simon whispers, and Bram kisses his hair again.

There’s pictures of them under the canopy of twinkly lights on the tree branches, hands clasped together tightly. Bram dipping Simon back, his head towards the camera, huge smile on his face. Both of them laughing at something one of them had said. Simon leaning his head on Bram’s shoulder, a softer smile on his face. Bram recreating the picture from their graduation, arms crossed in such a way that their new wedding bands were next to each other.

“Our wedding day was perfect,” Simon says, and Bram nods.

The next page is of their first apartment together. Simon holding up the keys to the camera, eyes squinted as he smiles. Bram standing in the kitchen, putting away the dishes. Jack and Simon moving the couch, Emily carrying a lamp in the background. Nora, with her mouth wide open as she yelled, held up by Simon and Bram as they carried her around the apartment when they’d finished bringing up the boxes. A picture of himself Bram’s never seen before, asleep in their bed, his hand tangled with Simon’s on the pillow.

Their plane tickets to San Francisco. One of the pictures from them on the Golden Gate Bridge, smiling widely at the camera. One of the selfies Bram had taken on his phone. Standing under the wisteria in the Japanese Tea Garden, Simon’s face brighter than the sun peeking through the flowers. Bram smiling over his shoulder at Simon in front of that strange bridge, the sun beginning to glow through the fog.

The sunset from the beach. Bram’s silhouette, the sun shining brightly behind him. Simon’s face, reflecting every color of the sky, his smile a color all its own. The picture of Simon kissing Bram’s hand, looking up at Bram from under his lashes.

And Pride. The picture the magazine had taken of them and published, along with the short interview. Simon smiling at Bram with the rainbow flag held up behind him, a picture that’s framed and on the wall downstairs. One of the bathroom mirror selfies they’d taken, covered in glitter. An accidental close-up picture Simon had taken, lens right next to Bram’s face, capturing the crinkles by his eyes and the glitter on his cheeks. Simon asleep in bed in the early morning sunlight, mouth open slightly as he drooled.

Bram gasps when he turns the page.

“Every single note,” Simon says, reaching up to touch the first note Bram had left on his pillow the morning of their 10th anniversary. They’re arranged in order around a picture of the tulips Bram had sent him.

“I don’t want to say I can’t believe you kept them, because I can, but wow,” Bram whispers, nudging Simon until he brings his head off Bram’s shoulder. Bram leans in and kisses him, bringing his free hand up to cup Simon’s jaw.

“They were the best present ever given,” Simon says when Bram pulls away, their foreheads leaning together. Bram shakes his head slightly, their noses rubbing together.

“This…. this is up there,” he whispers, eyes shifting to the scrapbook. Simon beams a little, rightfully proud of his gift.

The keys to their house the day they’d gotten them, held up for the camera, Bram smiling widely as a blurry blob in the background. One of the first pieces of mail they’d gotten at their new house, addressed to the “Greenfeld-Spier Family.” Ticket stubs to the Yankees game they’d attended with Bram’s coworkers.The picture Bram had taken of Simon decorating his new classroom at the beginning of the school year, the camera a little shaky and the lines blurred.

Bram’s throat tightens when he turns the page and sees the adoption approval papers. An excerpt from the book Bram had read to Alice during that second visit. And then a picture of Bram and Alice, sitting on the floor in the living room, Alice quietly explaining why her stuffed animals don’t get along. Alice half-asleep in her car seat, a pink blanket clutched to her chest. Alice on Simon’s hip, eyes wide as Simon cooks them pancakes.

Alice sitting in front of the Christmas tree the night they’d found out the adoption was official. Alice on her first, second, third Christmas morning with them, each picture the epitome of happiness. Bram asleep on his back with Alice curled up on his chest, the early morning light casting soft shadows over their faces. Alice meeting Jack, Emily, and Julia for the first time. Alice tugging on Jack’s graying beard, Jack’s head thrown back in a laugh.

Alice on her first day of kindergarten, her hands held behind her back and her lips pursed. Even now, Bram can see the slight anxiety in the picture, feels it in his chest. Simon reaches over and touches the picture gently, his cheek rubbing against Bram’s shoulder.

“I like the other one better,” Simon says, pointing at the picture of Alice holding the bouquet of flowers Bram had brought home that night, her eyes closed from smiling so hard. Bram feels his chest warm at the memory of her racing to the door to greet him, her eyes widening at the flowers in his hand, looking close to tears when he told her they were for her.

“It was my phone background for a long time,” Bram whispers, and Simon hums.

“I remember,” he says warmly, reaching over to turn the page for Bram.

More adoption approval papers. Bram sitting on the floor in the little room they’d first met Noah in, staring down at a book as they waited. The first picture Simon had taken of Noah, reaching out to pet Ariana carefully, his tongue between his teeth. Alice holding Noah’s hand and showing him the kitchen the first time they’d met. Alice holding Noah’s hand and showing him his new room when he’d spent a week with them, not long before he came home with them for good.

Noah’s fifth birthday party, everyone gathered in the backyard. Caleb had been taking pictures that night, offering to use Simon’s nice camera to capture some of the moments. He’d gotten some good shots of Alice and Noah sitting in one of the lawn chairs together, some even better shots of Julia with Noah on her knee, talking to him quietly as he gazed up at her in awe, and the best shots of Noah in Simon’s arms, hiding his face as everyone sang to him.

Noah and Alice asleep on Simon’s and Bram’s laps on the couch, their hands clasped between them. Bram remembers that moment, knowing that Caleb had pulled out the camera again just to take a picture of them, his smile warm as he caught Bram’s eye.

Bram turns the page and finds the next one blank, a shock of white causing him to turn to look at Simon. They’re both a little teary eyed, so Bram closes the book and places it back in the box before pulling on Simon until he settles in Bram’s lap, his knees bracketing Bram’s hips. Bram cups Simon’s face, his thumbs running over the skin under Simon’s eyes.

“How long have you been working on it?” Bram asks, placing soft kisses along Simon’s jaw, trailing down his neck. Simon’s throat clicks as he tries to speak, his hands gripping Bram’s shoulders for a moment.

“Uh, not long,” he says, lies, and Bram chuckles. He kisses back up Simon’s neck, the last kiss against his lips lingering before he pulls back.

“How long, Simon?” Bram asks, and Simon flushes slightly.

“Uh, right after our 10th anniversary. I couldn’t believe how much thought and effort and love you put into that gift, and I wanted to give you something equally wonderful,” Simon says in a rush, his voice a low rumble. Bram’s vaguely aware that there’s music playing from the speaker on his nightstand, a song he recognizes as being from Simon’s “songs for you” playlist.

“I mean,” Bram whispers, running his hand down Simon’s side to grip his hip. “You did give me something great that day. It was so great I couldn’t speak or move for awhile there.”

Simon smirks, his cheeks pink again, and Bram smiles at the sight.

“That was a good day,” he mumbles as he presses forward to kiss Bram. His arms slide around Bram’s shoulders, pulling him close, and Bram tangles his fingers in Simon’s hair.

“I love you,” Bram whispers against Simon’s lips. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Simon giggles, attempting to duck his head, but Bram holds him in place to kiss him some more.

“I love you – I love you – I love you – I love you.” Bram kisses Simon each time, and now he’s shaking with quiet laughter. “I love you – I love you – I love you.”

“Bram,” Simon whispers, but Bram keeps going.

“I love you – I really love you – I love _love_ you – I fucking love you so much – I love you – I love everything about you – I love you for all that you are –”

“Babe,” Simon coos, his lips barely moving as Bram continues to kiss him between each declaration.

“I love you more than anything in this entire world – I’ve loved you for twenty years, and I’ll love you for twenty more.”

Simon kisses Bram this time, their lips a little slick from the tears that have fallen between them. Simon’s shaking slightly, and Bram holds him tighter as their mouths open. Bram moans softly, his hand flattening against Simon’s back.

When Simon pulls back and Bram finally opens his eyes, Simon’s staring at him like every cliché ever written; eyes sparkling and wide, like Bram’s hung the moon and the stars and every beautiful sight in the night sky. His smile rivals the sun in brightness and warmth, reaching every crevice of Bram’s brain until all he can do is pull Simon back in for another (softer) kiss.

“Are there more pages to the book?” Bram asks against Simon’s lips, and he nods as best he can with their foreheads pressed together.

“Yeah, a bunch,” Simon says, and Bram smiles.

“Good. I have the next twenty years.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was thought up after i wrote the “in a letter” chapter, and honestly i’m.... i just love how this feels as the end. because this is it. this is the end. i’m... i can’t believe this is over. i started writing this in may, finished it halfway through and got my betas in order and published by the end of the month. finishing this is my birthday present. 
> 
> also, now that this is over, i can say that it's loosely related to my other fic, [brought me out of my chrysalis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14334750), so if you want to read that now that you've finished this, be my guest! 
> 
> major massive loving shoutout to caitlin and valentina for helping make this series what it is. they are truly angels and i love all the work they also put into my writing. 
> 
> so much love to every single person who commented and gave kudos during this journey, truly making this experience what it was. i was nervous about this, but i’m so glad everyone’s stuck with this and loved it as much as i have. 
> 
> i’m open to writing codas for this, and there’s a couple ideas i might stick in as extra content. i’m not a fan of writing sequels, so if anything, it’ll be just little tidbits. 
> 
> if you have any prompts/ideas you’d like to see (related to this/a parenthood fic/any random prompts) feel free to hit me up on [tumblr](http://emilyspier.tumblr.com)! 
> 
> love, izzy


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